These are for
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hybridutensil. :)My compliments, Potter. (Since your last pet disappeared.)
Er. Thanks. What am I supposed to do with it exactly?
Kiss it. Maybe it'll turn into a prince.
Okay. First I'll name it after you.
What???
Maybe when he's a prince he'll look like you.
GIVE MY PET BACK, YOU MONSTROUS PERVERT.
But I thought you gave it to me.
OFFER RESCINDED. YOU'RE SICK.
Fine. Shame about that kiss, though.
"Potter, Malfoy, three parchments on my desk tomorrow: 'I will not pass frogs in class.'"
"But--"
"Professor--"
"He started--"
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"Tosser!"
"Pouf!"
"Death-Eater!"
"Toad-kisser!"
"SILENCE!"
...
"Ribbit."
"...wanker."
~~~~
Mr. Malfoy,
In light of last night's proceedings, I must regretfully uninvite you to dinner on Friday. I'm unaccustomed to my guests enchanting the orchestra to play "Fat-Bottomed Girls" and--how did Mrs. Finch-Fletchley put it?--"attaining the nookie" with their noted adversaries right there in my parlour.
You may, perhaps, attend a card party, if I can be assured you won't give the furniture cause to blush.
Bemusedly,
Poppy Pomfrey
Madam P,
Thanks for Saturday's party. It was great catching up with old
Looking forward to dinner Friday!
Harry P.
P.S. Malfoy'll be there, right?
P.P.S. I'll pay for the upholstery. (Sorry.)
~~~~~
"What do you want?
"You dropped your love letter."
"...Don't be ridiculous, Potter."
"But it's yours! I saw you writing--"
"It's not mine! You're crazy!"
"So I should just ignore the part that says, 'This parchment is the extremely private and very personal property of Draco Malfoy, touch it and lose only your fingers if you're lucky, you stupid prying idiot'?"
"YES. I told you, it's not mine!"
"Ah. How come I didn't lose my fingers?"
"It only activates if you open-- it--"
"Ahh."
"Potter, I hate you."
"Not according to this."
"You read it?"
"Possibly."
"But--my Potter-proofing charms!"
"I'm sure they were very good ones, really."
"But--"
"Don't be sad. We can go kick first-years, if you'd like."
"Really?"
"Yeah. There are a couple up in the Astronomy Tower right now I'm sure nobody would miss."
"The... Astronomy Tower?"
"Yeah."
"We can boot them off the roof!"
"And then take their spot."
"They have their own spot? Those upstarts."
"Not for long. C'm'on. If we hurry, we'll catch the sunset."
"This is a brilliant plan, I must say, Potter."
"Thanks. Only, Malfoy--"
"Yeah?"
"I hope you're better at snogging than you are at spell-proofing."