30 kisses, #13, Excessive Chain.
Such a little thing; Tezuka doesn�t know why he can�t stop thinking about it.
The other Seigaku players address Tezuka as �Buchou,� or �Tezuka-Buchou.� There is nothing in the word; he is captain of the tennis team, and one day one of them will be captain. Later they may have other captains.
He finds himself lingering, though, over the way Echizen says �Buchou.� He doesn�t know why he feels, every time Echizen says it, as though the word creates something between them; as though the word itself is somehow too personal, too private. Echizen calls Tezuka captain as if �Tezuka-Buchou� is somehow redundant. His voice quavers occasionally on the word as if it�s Tezuka�s name and he has forgotten he has another one.
He has been pondering the way Echizen calls him �Buchou� for weeks now.
Tezuka knows he can be obsessive, but until now his obsessions have never bothered him because they have never involved another person. But Echizen is an exception to all Tezuka�s rules, in and out of tennis practice. He knows Echizen is fascinated by him, as much as Echizen can be for anyone or anything outside of tennis itself�it shows in his voice and in the shape of his eyes when Tezuka talks to him. He and Echizen have each other in Chinese finger traps: whenever Tezuka emphasizes the distance between them, he feels himself being drawn more tightly in.
Tezuka doesn�t often think about the other side of the metaphor: that if he lets himself relax and move closer Echizen might slip away. Tezuka wants tennis now and everything else later. And Echizen is still too young to know or care about anything except tennis. It doesn�t work to think of his connection to Echizen the way he thinks of his other relationships with the people in his life. With everyone else Tezuka knows, there is a give-and-take, a willingness to accept and give affection, friendship, or respect.
But with Echizen there is something else, something simpler, and yet something more�something Tezuka can�t quite define, something hovering around the edges of Echizen�s voice when he addresses Tezuka as captain.
Something that, occasionally, drives Tezuka as close to crazy as anything can drive Tezuka.
It finally, finally hits him one night in Germany, a few days after Seigaku has learned they will be playing Rikkai at the regionals. He should be finishing his article for the tennis journal. Instead he has been staring at blurring words and thinking of Echizen, hearing Echizen in his head. �Buchou��
Such a little thing.
He closes his eyes and thinks about Echizen, about his appearance at Seigaku, about his appearance in Tezuka�s life, about his past, present, and future. �Buchou.�
And suddenly he understands.
Ryoma says �Buchou� as if Tezuka is his captain. Not just the Seigaku captain, but his.
He calls Tezuka �Buchou� as if one captain and only one is all he will ever need, and he has made his choice. Behind the word, Tezuka realizes, is all the trust and respect and need that Ryoma, obsessed, single-minded Ryoma, yet knows how to place in another human being.
Behind the word is, �I choose you.� Behind the word is, �You won�t disappoint me.� Behind the word is, �You are my higher aim.�
The fact that Echizen Ryoma is quite possibly the greatest tennis player Tezuka has ever seen isn�t really the reason Tezuka�s throat is suddenly dry. It isn�t simply a compliment to Tezuka�s abilities�it is more than that. He feels Echizen�s pull on him strengthen, feels it even across oceans.
He puts down his pen and abandons the pretense that he is thinking of anything else.
�Tezuka, why do you go so far for Echizen?� Ryuzaki-Sensai asks him a half-hour later. He has risked waking her up although he knows her sleeping habits are erratic at best�has called her just for this, just for Echizen. Only and always for Echizen.
Tezuka knows the answer�knows himself�for the first time.
�Because I am his captain,� he says after hanging up the phone. The understanding of it is still too new, too private, to acknowledge before an audience. Ryoma has made it so.
He hears Ryoma calling him captain, and wonders if, from thousands of miles away, Ryoma has finally hit him a shot he cannot return.