Title: It�s the Great Pumpkin, Harry Potter
Author: Ashura )
Rating: PG for slash and silliness.
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Notes: Two fic challenges in one! :) This is for the Veela, Inc. line challenge (http://veela-inc.net/whosline/) and the Armchair_Slash seasonal ficlet challenge. Yes, it�s more than the 500-1500 words specified, but whatever.
�I don�t believe I let you drag me out here. I�m freezing. I�m going to die of frostbite, or�or hypothermia, or something.�
�Don�t be ridiculous. You don�t die of frostbite. At least not until after your fingers fall off.�
�WHAT? Are you serious? I need my fingers!�
�Oh, for�relax, Potter. Your extremities are perfectly safe. It�s not cold enough for frostbite or hypothermia, really, and if you�d stop whining like a three-year-old and come here, I�m perfectly willing to warm you up a bit.�
The pumpkin patch outside the Herbology classroom was not on Harry Potter�s current list of Favourite Places To Spend Hallowe�en Night. Not even the pumpkin patch outside the Herbology classroom with Draco Malfoy offering to warm him up�actually, that just made the whole scene a bit surreal, since only two weeks ago they�d still been at the top of each other�s Worst Enemies list. (Well, Harry was at the top of Draco�s. Draco wasn�t quite at the top of Harry�s, coming in third after Voldemort and Professor Snape.) If he turned his head up, Harry could see the warm glow of lights from the windows of Gryffindor Tower, as his friends and housemates dressed up and made preparations for the party being held that night in the Great Hall.
He, meanwhile, was huddled on the cold dirt surrounded in leaves with his brand-new psychotic boyfriend, and beginning to wonder if this whole thing wasn�t just an elabourate hoax and Draco really was going to try to kill him after all.
Still, the mere fact he�d agreed to this bizarre outing pretty much assured he was just as ruled by his hormones as any other sixteen-year-old boy on the planet, and as long as Draco had offered....He took the other boy at his word, and snuggled up close, and then�
�AUGH!!! What are you doing?�
Harry blinked, all innocence. �You said you�d warm me up.�
�Your hands are freezing! Don�t bleeding touch me with them! Holy Merlin�s aching rheumatic legs that�s cold!�
�I did try to tell you,� Harry muttered. �Anyway, you said��
�I know what I said. I changed my mind.� Draco let out a long-suffering sigh and pulled Harry against him�carefully avoiding the offending icy fingers; he wrapped his arms around Harry�s chest and breathed warm air against his cheek. �Is that better? God, you are freezing. One would think with the collection of ridiculous jumpers you�ve acquired over the years that you�d have something warm to go outside in....Better? Put your hands between your legs.�
Harry, who was blowing on his fingers, twisted his face around and gave him a Look.
�Yes, really. They�ll be warmer there.� A dark smile twisted Draco�s lips, and he toyed with the fringe of Harry�s red and gold muffler. �I�d let you put them between my legs, but you�re currently already sitting there.�
Harry complied, sighed, leaned back against Draco�s chest. His breath ghosted into the air, swirling, wisping away into the sky like miniature spectres intent on escape. �So now we�re both here, and freezing, are you going to tell me what exactly we�re doing?�
�Waiting for the Great Pumpkin,� Draco answered, without a trace of amusement in his voice anywhere.
His muffler tickled the back of Harry�s neck, and his cheek when he twisted around in the other boy�s arms to say, �No, really.�
�Really,� Draco confirmed, although Harry kept searching his pale face, his silver-blue eyes, his expression, some quirk of his voice, something to say that he was joking, really. �I read it somewhere once. The Great Pumpkin rises out of the most sincere pumpkin patch on Hallowe�en night��
�Draco,� Harry said patiently, softening his words with a kiss to the corner of that icy, smooth mouth, �that�s not�oh, how should I put this? It�s not real. It�s from a Muggle comic strip.�
�Of course it isn�t,� Draco said haughtily. �As if I would read something like that?�
�All right then,� Harry sighed, and resigned himself to freezing to death for no good reason, and hoped Madame Pomfrey would be able to thaw them out in the morning.
****
�Splended, splendid!� Nearly-Headless Nick clapped his incorporeal hands, beaming around the Gryffindor common room at the collection of costumed ghosts, ghouls, famous Quidditch players, Muggles, and murderers assembled there. �We�re still missing a couple, aren�t we? Miss Granger and Miss Weasley, yes, as soon as they join us we�ll head to the Great Hall....�
�They�re finishing Hermione�s costume, I think,� Ron said with a nervous glance up the stairs. He was dressed in Gryffindor Quidditch robes, with a lightning bolt drawn on his forehead with Lavender Brown�s maroon eyeliner. For some reason everyone thought this was hysterically funny. Harry had long since given his blessing; Ron was only disappointed that he wasn�t around to see the finished product.
Then again, Ron had come to the conclusion that Harry had gone insane. Otherwise why would he be spending a perfectly good Hallowe�en off in the dark with Malfoy? The only reason Ron had agreed to cover for him, really, was because it was going to be so much fun to make up stories about why he wasn�t there. �So, Ron, where�s Harry tonight?� �Oh, he had a date with Moaning Myrtle.� Or, �he�s trying to sew his intestines back together. It was a harmless prank.� Or �what are you talking about? I�m Harry, see? Scar and everything.� Though he rather thought that adding �he�s off snogging Malfoy� to the list of potential excuses was perfectly reasonable, since nobody in their right mind would believe it anyway.
The door to the girls� dormitory opened with a much louder sound than dormitory doors normally employed, and all eyes turned toward it. Ginny Weasley, dressed as a gothic Alice in Wonderland with pasty white makeup and a ripped black skirt, hurried down the stairs, shooting nervous glances back up behind her.
�What�s up, Gin?� asked Ron. �Where�s Hermione?�
�She�s coming,� Ginny said shortly, leaning demurely over the fireplace mirror to adjust the blood-drop under her eye. �She�s having a bit of trouble with the door, is all.�
No sooner had these words left her lips than the door itself expanded, and there was a lot of clopping sorts of noises, and Hermione Granger hurried down the stairs and into the common room.
Well�the top half of Hermione Granger, anyway. The rest of her had been transfigured into a�
�HERMIONE?� Ron demanded, not completely sure whether to laugh or scream. �What�s the matter with you?�
�Nothing!� she snapped back, tossing her hair. �I just have this thing about toes. And flobberworms. And shrivelfigs. Other than that, I�m perfectly normal. For a centaur.�
�For an undead zombie centaur,� Ron grumbled, taking in the horse�s body, the toe-and-finger necklace, the flaking skin and patches of dried blood and bare places and wondering why he hadn�t thought to use Transfiguration.
�Exactly,� said Hermione with a wink. �Gruesome, aren�t I?� She tossed her hair again, and part of her ear got caught in it and pulled off. Ron winced. Nearly-Headless Nick glowed with pride.
Harry, Ron thought, was going to be so disappointed he�d missed this.
****
Harry had read somewhere once that hypothermia was the sort of monster that waited for you to fall asleep in the cold, and then smothered you to death. Figuratively, anyway. So he was determined not to fall asleep, and to accomplish this, he amused himself by poking Draco with his icy fingers every time he got bored.
Poke.
�I�m telling you this for the last time, Potter, STOP IT. I can still have a change of heart and kill you.�
�I�m cold,� Harry said for the million and twelfth time, utterly unapologetic. �Bored, too. I�m missing a party for you, and you won�t even entertain me.�
�Yes, and what a party it will be, I�m sure.� Draco sounded singularly unimpressed. �Decourations are the same for everything, just in different colours. Ghosts are real, but not particularly spooky since we live with them all the time anyway. Haunted house pitiful for anyone who�s done detention in the Forbidden Forest more than twice. Costumes occasionally amusing, but usually just sad.�
�That�s the other thing I wanted to see,� said Harry. �Ron�s dressed up as me this year. And Hermione�s was this big surprise, she wouldn�t tell me, and now I won�t get to know.�
�I�m sure someone will be able to give you a report,� Draco snapped, scowling. His gloved hands tightened a little around Harry�s arms, though, and Harry thought�though he might have imagined it because he wanted to�that there was a touch of anxiety in his voice when he asked, �Would you really rather be in there than here with me?�
�I�d be warmer,� Harry began, but then he grinned sheepishly through chattering teeth and said �Oh look, I�m here aren�t I? I just reserve the right to whine about it if I�m going to freeze to death in a pumpkin patch for you.�
�Well stop it,� said Draco, and made it impossible for him to complain for several minutes by attempting to swallow his tongue. Harry forgot about being cold.
The sound of laughter interrupted them, and they scrambled upright, clutching their wands and each other. �What other lunatic�� Harry began, but then he stopped, because he could see people approaching, only�
Only they weren�t people. Not quite, anyway. There were two of them, transparent, leaning against each other�s inchoate forms and giggling happily. The taller of the two was a boy, dark-haired, with clunky glasses and a ridiculous grin, his arm was supporting a girl, smaller, redhaired, wrapped in the remains of a white sheet.
�Harry,� Draco murmured, suddenly serious, his breath warm against Harry�s ear, �he looks a bit like��
�Me. I know,� Harry answered, staring, not quite sure if it was all right to breathe. �They�re my parents.�
�Oh. Of course,� said Draco, in a voice that said a little more clearly than he liked that he was not completely happy about the prospect of meeting the very real ghosts of someone�s murdered parents on Hallowe�en night. Not when he�d been expecting the Great Pumpkin, or at the very least a chance for some quality alone time with Harry.
Nothing ever went the way he planned. Nothing.
And he did not read Muggle comic strips.
�What a party!� the female ghost was laughing. �I don�t know if I could have stood it another minute with a straight face�you and Sirius�if Severus ever finds out it was you, he�s going to kill you. I would, if it were me.�
�He won�t,� said the male ghost smugly, his ethereal face breaking into a broad grin. �God. It was masterful, wasn�t it? I never thought I�d be so glad Remus is decent at potions. Did you see his face? �Goyle, hold me��� He collapsed into laughter, and they both nearly lost their balance and fell into the vines.
�Oh, look! James!� Lily Evans Potter�s ghost giggled, pointing at Draco and Harry. �Somebody else had the same idea�and we thought we were the only ones!� She smiled tipsily at them. �It looks like you. You and�Lucius? Ew! I thought you had better taste than that.�
�Lily,� said James� ghost patiently, �That can�t be me. I�m right here. I can hardly be in two places at once now, can I?�
�So who�s that then?� Lily demanded, squinting as she leaned closer toward Harry. �Somebody dressed up as you for Hallowe�en? That�s kind of quaint, isn�t it?�
Draco, standing behind Harry, chose that particular moment to brush Harry�s fringe back out of his eyes and away from his forehead. He meant it as a sort of supportive, affectionate, �I know it must be hard to see your dead parents behaving like perfect idiots� gesture, but the effect was entirely unexpected. Lily saw it, her drunken ghostly eyes narrowing, and she burst out suddenly, �James! It�s not someone dressed up as you, it�s Harry!�
�...Harry?� James repeated blankly. �Harry who?�
�Harry Potter, idiot!� Lily swatted him. �Our son. We get married, have a baby, then bloody Voldemort kills us. How forgetful are you?�
�Well I am dead,� James said, with the same defensive note in his voice that Harry got when explaining to Hermione why he hadn�t finished his Transfiguration essay. �And just a moment ago we were stuck in that party memory. The one where Sirius and I slipped Snape the love potion and he made an idiot of himself with Goyle all night.� Draco and Harry looked a little sick, but James was beaming. �I do like that one, Lils.�
�Well snap out of it,� she grumbled, wrapping the white sheet tighter around her body so she could walk in it, even though she wasn�t really walking so much as floating along the ground. Ghosts are only as incorporeal as they believe themselves to be, on Hallowe�en. �Don�t go being a bad influence on our son. Even if it was funny.� She cocked her head to one side, fixing Harry and Draco with a long, appraising look.
�Hm. You�re not Lucius, then, obviously.�
Harry was still staring at his parents� ghosts in some kind of shock, so Draco just answered the question. �No, I�m not. I�m Draco.�
Lily�s lips twisted in her fair, transparent face. �What are your intentions toward my son?�
Draco carefully manoeuvred himself behind Harry and out of the potential line of fire. �I�ve only been tolerating his existence for two weeks, so I think at the moment, it�s to get his hands in my pants. Once his hands are warm, that is. Not tonight.�
There was something to be said for directness and honesty, Draco decided, because Lily�s eyes got very big, and Harry made a strangled, delicious sort of noise in his throat.
�Tonight, though,� Draco continued, enjoying this immensely, �we�re just out here waiting for the Great Pumpkin.�
Lily laughed. �That isn�t real,� she said, rolling her eyes. �It�s from a Muggle comic strip.�
�I. Don�t. Read. Those,� Draco growled.
****
�Wonderful party this year, isn�t it?� Albus Dumbledore crossed his arms over his chest and smiled beamingly out over the great hall. It was full of students�students dressed as zombies, as ghouls, as vampires, as Muggles, as knights, as ghosts. And Hermione Granger, of course, the undead zombie centaur. �Impressive. Very impressive.�
�Quite,� Minerva McGonagall agreed. �Though you really are missing out, Albus, by not going down to mingle with them. Some of those costumes are even better up close.�
�Yes, well.� Dumbledore shifted awkwardly, stroking his beard. �These robes are itchy when you�re not wearing anything underneath. I�ll just stand here, thank you.�
McGonagall decided to pretend she hadn�t heard the entire first half of that statement. �Suit yourself.�
At that precise moment�yes, that moment, and not a hair earlier or later�the Bloody Baron swooped down toward them, waving his arms and whispering.
Yes, whispering. �Unauthorised spirits,� he hissed into Dumbledore�s face, all under the guise of doing something impressive and scary, because it wouldn�t do to be seen aiding the administration in any visible way. �Ghosts. In the pumpkin patch. And there are students there!� And with this declaration, he floated away, laughing maniacally as he appeared behind a blonde Hufflepuff girl who squeaked and spit out her juice all over her purple Teletubby costume.
Dumbledore and McGonagall looked at each other. Their eyes met. �We�d better go,� said McGonagall.
Dumbledore nodded. �By all means, by all means...go fetch Severus and take him with you. I think I�ll just stand here, if it�s all the same to you....�
McGonagall rolled her eyes and swept out of the room. Severus Snape had taken his leave a half an hour ago, probably to sit in his room and drink. He�d never cared much for Hallowe�en, not since the year someone slipped him a love potion and he woke up next to G. Goyle, Sr. and dressed as a dance hall girl. Not that she blamed him.
She gave a good solid thump on his office door and let herself in without waiting for an answer. She immediately regretted it. Severus Snape was completely naked, holding his wand, and posing in front of his mirror. There was a decided drunken sheen to his skin and glassy eyes.
�Severus! There are unauthorised spirits in the pumpkin patch, and the Baron says there are students there! We have to go!�
With a look of horror, Snape flew behind his desk. �Just let me get some clothes on, Minerva! For God�s sake!� There was a good deal of fumbling behind the desk while she waited, and then a sheepish, �Bloody buggering bloody hell. Where are my clothes?�
�Oh, for�� McGonagall drew her wand and pointed it at the distraught Potions Master. �Bibbidy, bobbidy, boo!�
There was a flutter of light and flowers, and Snape found himself dressed in a pale blue ballgown and glass slippers. �Minerva....� he growled, low and deadly.
�It�s a bit hard to take threats seriously at the moment,� McGonagall said dryly. �Anyway it�s Hallowe�en, what are you worried about? Now come on and let�s go save some students.�
�Save them?� Snape mumbled, following her. �Once they�ve seen me like this, I�m not going to have a choice. I�m just going to have to kill them. And I hate Hallowe�en.�
****
�Hsst! Ron!� Hermione nudged his shoulder, and he very nearly spilled his cranberry juice. (It was cranberry, not pumpkin, because all the pumpkins were being used for other things, and cranberry juice looks more morbid.) It was easy to be distracted by Hermione, because in addition to having become very large and having four legs, she didn�t have a shirt on. Well, not a real shirt. There were dead flobberworms in some strategic places, adding to the whole zombie effect, but�well. Ron had a vivid imagination.
�What? And watch it!�
�Weren�t you paying attention? Good grief, you miss everything. The Bloody Baron just said something to Dumbledore and McGonagall, and then she left�I think something�s wrong!�
�Wrong?� Ron blinked at her. �Like what, exactly?�
�I don�t know,� Hermione admitted. �But it could be something about You-Know-Who. Or maybe a monster attack. It could be anything.�
�It could just be some students off getting into trouble,� Ron said placidly, and as soon as he�d said it his brain clicked and he interrupted himself��Harry!�
Hermione�s eyes widened. �Where is Harry? He could be in trouble!�
�He could be,� Ron admitted, a little grudgingly because his idea of trouble and Harry�s were not necessarily identical. Ron thought Harry�s real reason for missing the party qualified as trouble, the only problem was that Harry didn�t seem to agree.
�We need to warn him!� Hermione was urgent. Ron was not so sure.
�It might not be anything,� he said, trying to be very convincing. �And if he�s off doing�well, other things�then maybe we don�t want to go an interrupt him, it wouldn�t be nice��
�Hmph. Nonsense,� Hermione huffed, adjusting her flobberworms. Ron swallowed. �What could he be doing that he wouldn�t want us to see?�
Oh, if you only knew, Ron thought, but he kept it to himself�mostly because Hermione had just launched into the rest of her plan. �We�ll go outside, and you can ride on me and tell me where to find Harry!�
Ron eyed Hermione the Undead Zombie Centaur and wished he�d thought to snag Harry�s broomstick while he was getting into costume.
�Well?� Hermione stomped a hoof. �Come on!�
Ron sighed and followed her outside. It wasn�t actually as bad as he�d thought, once he climbed onto her back�the macabre decourations in her costume weren�t real after all, and she seemed more like herself once he was aboard. He put his arms around her to hold on, and she cleared her throat.
�Move your hand, Ron.�
He pretended it was an accident, even though it wasn�t, and he now had the bulge in his trousers to prove it. �Oops. Sorry.�
�Sure.� She shifted underneath him, gathered herself. �Keep your hands to yourself. And don�t think I don�t know what you�re thinking. That is most definitely not the Snitch.�
Ron, mortified, concentrated on flobberworms and shrivelfigs. And undead zombie centaurs.
****
Lily was still trying to decide what to make of Draco, mostly by asking him really embarrassing questions. The only positive side to this, he decided, was that the embarrassing questions seemed to be giving Harry ideas. Judging from the noises he was trying not to make, anyway. James, for a while, had been interjecting things like, �Lils? Should you really be saying things like that in front of the kids?� but had since given up, and now he was practicing juggling with two undersized green pumpkins he�d gotten Harry to tug off the vine.
Lily leaned very close to Draco. There was a mist around her, and it was cold, even colder than the night air already was. She smiled wickedly. �Can I touch your wand?�
�I don�t know,� said Draco. �Can you touch anything? You�re not solid.� But he held it out, anyway. Lily wrapped her spectral fingers around it and tugged it out of his hand. �Hm. Guess you can.�
Lily was gazing at the wand in delight�apparently, she hadn�t been sure it would work either. She pointed it toward the great hulking shadow of Hogwarts and said clearly, �Accio a Weasley! Any Weasley!�
At first, nothing happened. But just as Harry and Draco were about to heave a sigh of relief, something with black-dyed hair with red roots in red and gold Quidditch robes flew through the air and fell in a heap at their feet.
�What the bloody hell?� Ron said, looking a little disoriented. �Did she buck me off?�
�That�s one hell of a costume, Weasley,� Draco said, nodding appreciatively down at him. �Almost like the real thing.�
�Draco,� said Harry firmly, �stop looking at him like that. He�s Ron. Anyway he�s stunned, go easy on him.�
�Well it is a pretty impressive likeness,� Draco said, baiting him, even though he didn�t really think it was.
Harry seized him by the shoulders and spun him around. �I�ll show you the difference,� he said, and kissed Draco so hard it made them both dizzy. Lily whistled at them. James just groaned.
�Hm,� said Draco, once he could finally talk again. �Yes, I�m pretty sure you�re the only one who does that to me.�
�I�d better be,� said Harry fiercely.
�I didn�t need to see that,� said Ron weakly. �I think I�m going to be sick.�
�There, there,� said Lily, patting Ron�s shoulder gently.
****
�Well.� Professor McGonagall surveyed the scene before her, hands crossed over her chest, while Snape in his ballgown tried to hide behind her. He would have, too, except for the hoopskirt.
�Malfoy and Potter.� Snape said wearily. It really hadn�t been his night. �Challenged each other to a duel again? Though I�ll leave it to you to explain Weasley and the ghosts.�
McGonagall narrowed her eyes. Malfoy and Potter were wrapped around each other, apparently trying to drown each other in their mouths, while the ghost of Lily Potter offered advice, the ghost of James Potter pretended not to be watching, and Ron Weasley huddled nearby looking miserable. �This doesn�t look like a wizard�s duel to me.�
Snape shrugged. �I tried. I don�t suppose you�d go for turning around and pretending we never saw any of this? If those are the ghosts the Baron mentioned, I don�t think the students are in any real danger.�
McGonagall considered this for a moment, and nodded. �I think that might be a very good idea.� They both turned, just as Hermione Granger came thundering toward them at a full gallop.
�Professors! What�s going�Ron! There you are, I looked all over for you!�
Snape and McGonagall sighed. So much for pretending they were never there. Ron looked up at Hermione and staggered to his feet. �Can we go now?�
But Hermione wasn�t paying attention. �Harry? Harry? What are you doing? God, that�s sick! I mean, Malfoy?� Harry and Draco, of course, ignored her completely.
�Oh, I don�t know,� Lily told her in a conspiratorial whisper. �They�re so pretty together, if you ask me.�
The look Hermione gave her was nothing short of horrified.
�By the way,� Lily continued blithely, �I don�t think we�ve met. I�m Lily...Harry�s mother.�
Hermione looked at her, mystified. �Er...nice to meet you. Aren�t you�well, aren�t you dead?�
Lily eyed the zombified centaur, with the toe-and-finger trophy necklace and the flaking, bloody patches of skin. �Shouldn�t I be asking you that? You don�t look healthy. Not at all. Would you like me to recommend a good skin cream, dear?�
Hermione blinked. �No thanks. This is all a spell. A Hallowe�en costume. I�m actually human.�
Lily looked impressed, and floated away to torture Draco some more, mumbling to herself, �Zombie centaurs! Well that certainly wasn�t in Hogwarts: A History!�
****
It was a cold, crisp dawn, the morning after Hallowe�en at Hogwarts. Harry and Draco woke wrapped around each other in a very beaten-down pumpkin patch. Their noses were a little purple, but all their fingers were intact.
Ron woke up feeling sick, and couldn�t remember the spell to get the black dye out of his hair.
Snape woke up in a blue ballgown with a massive hangover, plotting revenge on Minerva McGonagall, Harry Potter, and anyone else he might feel like torturing.
Hermione woke up warm, in bed, and without a flobberworm in sight.
Dumbledore woke up with a rash.
As the first rays of sunlight stretched across the horizon, two ethereal figures sat in the pumpkin patch, holding hands and watching the dawn.
�I guess this is it,� Lily said longingly. �Back to being dead until next Hallowe�en.�
�Oh, but it was fun, wasn�t it?� said James eagerly. �This is definitely one of the best yet.�
�A classic,� Lily agreed. �I�ll be laughing about it til Valentine�s Day, at least.�
�Think we should come back and haunt this place again next year?�
Lily nodded vigourously. �Of course! I�ll want to see if the little dears are still together by then, in any case. Lucius� son is adorable, don�t you think? The Great Pumpkin, indeed.�
James shrugged. �I thought he was annoying. And you can hardly blame me for being suspicious of anyone who lures my son into spending the night in a pumpkin patch with him.�
�That�s what�s adorable about it,� said Lily scornfully. She floated over to where the two boys slept, peaceful and shivering with cold. �Good night, my dears. See you next year...kiss each other for me!�
�Lily,� James said suddenly. �It�s time to go.�
Sunbeams stretched over the pumpkin patch, and together, James and Lily Potter faded into them.
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