Lust versus Love versus friendship versus slash culture versus blah blah blah

Originally written Dec. 18, 2002:

The following was just supposed to be short, but I found that the more I wrote the more I had to say, so it turned into a very long, ultimately very bitter rant.

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Why does mentioning the word "lust" when talking about a relationship automatically make people think you're cheapening the relationship? Why is it that people think lust in itself is some sort of lower emotion? I don't know about the rest of you, but I've pretty much always felt deep lust only for people I already had a strong emotional bond with. And yet it feels like whenever you even mention lust in a conversation about love, people assume that you're putting whatever relationship you're discussing at the time on a level with high schoolers ogling Justin Timberlake in a Seventeen magazine at a sleepover.

I mean, what's so bad about lust? Are there *any* emotions that are inherently *bad* in and of themselves? Or is it just what people do with them that make them positive or negative? Because, let's face it, love can be the most destructive weapon of all, just as easily as hate, when it's used as the excuse for causing pain. And then there's lust. Lust is fun, it's exciting, it's refreshing and hot and *harmless* in and of itself. Lust is natural, but it doesn't follow that it's automatically something that's base. I'm thinking, here's Sam, wholly devoted to Frodo, following him around like a lovesick puppy; and here's Frodo, wholly devoted to Sam, so very aware of how good Sam is to him and for him, and trying his best to make him understand how much he loves and appreciates him--if occasionally they give each other quiet 'come hither' looks, why would it be such a big deal? Why would feeling lust automatically be changing the nature of their relationship, even more than the love you already feel?

And for that matter, who's to say that anybody ever even knows the nature of a relationship save the two people who are in it? All of us, who are going on and on about how DV Harry and Draco need to be together romantically in order to be happy, or crying that introducing romance would ruin everything and drastically alter the kind of relationship they have--who are we to say what kind of relationship that is to begin with? For all any of us know, save Cassie, Harry, and Draco themselves, they've already privately acknowledged further depths and unexplored sexual/romantic aspects of their relationship with each other, and have built upon those things as well as on the things we've seen. For all we know, they could have acknowledged long ago that they love each other as brothers and the idea of anything more existing between them is absolutely the weirdest thing ever and all ewwwy, and moved on. They could be telepathically jumping each other's bones in their sleep each night. We don't know. But am certain that if they've ever felt lust towards one another, it would never make them any less deeply devoted, passionate, tender, loyal, or love-filled towards one another than they already are.

Look, even without a single sexual thought entertained between them, their love, and Frodo and Sam's, still brings me to tears. But why do people resist the idea of it? I mean, to me it just seems natural that it should be some sort of consideration, even if in passing. Don't tell me you've never had passing thoughts about your best friend. The beautiful power and love inspired by true friendship is deeply satisfying, and no less moving than that that leads to romantic feelings. But I hate that every time anyone even *acknowledges* the possibility of more existing between two friends who are deeply devoted to one another, we always hear somebody responding with "what's wrong with just friendship? why does it always have to be about romance?"

Well, why shouldn't it be, if there's evidence that it exists? And in a loving relationship with someone you already care about so deeply, why would lustful, passionate feelings automatically make the deep friendship you already feel for them less cherished or pure or sincere? It wouldn't, as far as I'm concerned.

I maintain that that Look Elijah gave Sean was the most inviting, I've-got-your-number, shag-inspiring look of the year. And hey, I was surrounded last night by a huge audience of straight guys who burst into applause when I yelled what I did. So if a huge audience of straight guys can see it, I'm thinking it's a credible possibility. I'm not seeing it because I want to see it, in the case of Frodo and Sam, or DV Harry and Draco. I'm seeing it because it's there.

I mean, if you see evidence of romantic love or sexual attraction in Remus/Sirius, you're seeing it because you want to see it. If you see evidence of romantic love or sexual attraction in Legolas/Aragorn, or Harry/Draco, you're see