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Notes: Yet another silly-fic. Draco Malfoy gets hitched, gets desperate, and ends up coming out to a house-elf. But worry not--it's all for a good cause!

A Fairytale Marriage
by

'M-master Malfoy is a... is a...?'

'Oh, shut it, you revolting cretin,' Draco snapped, pinching the bridge of his nose. 'Stop pretending like it's a surprise. You've seen me stumble home with Terry enough times.'

Noddy, who's eyes were even rounder than usual, nodded hesitantly. 'B-but Master Malfoy--'

'No buts. Here.' Draco held out the little vial of Polyjuice, a lock of pale golden hair wrapped securely around its neck. He dropped it into the elf's trembling hands, not deigning to touch the creature's vile fingers. 'You have my instructions.'

Noddy looked as though he might have a seizure. 'M-master Malfoy--Master Malfoy wants me to--to--Mrs Malfoy...?'

'To fuck, Noddy. Yes. Fuck her. She keeps insisting that I do, and since I can't have her knowing of my... activities, I'll trust you to keep her busy.'

The house elf was looking more terrified with every word. 'I--but I--but--'

'I've seen the way you look at her,' Draco sneered, 'when you hand her those towels across the bath. You think I haven't noticed?'

Noddy froze.

'But I won't punish you, of course,' said Draco nonchalantly, 'if you obey my orders.' His tone was calm, but his eyes were sharp. 'And you will obey them, won't you?'

Noddy gulped. The Malfoy Glare did not bode well. He nodded.

'Good.' Draco nodded curtly and stood up, brushing off his robes. 'I adjusted the Polyjuice myself--it'll work perfectly for any male house elf. A lock of my hair will suffice for tonight. I trust you'll be able to... perform.'

Noddy, who had been smitten with Mrs Malfoy since her arrival at the Manor, had to admit there probably wouldn't be any problems in that department.

'If you can't, of course, I might yet have some research to do on how many times an elf's hands need to be ironed before they cease to function altogether.'

The house elf blanched. 'N-noddy is honored to s-serve his master.'

Draco smirked. 'I'm sure he is.'


* * *


Draco yawned as he sipped his morning tea, leaning against the open window in his summer dining room. Last night with Terry had been marvelous--his muscles still had that post-coital looseness, and his arse twinged painfully whenever he moved. Delicious.

It had been three weeks since his marriage to Pansy, and finally, finally, he'd managed to get away.

Thank Merlin for house elves.

He was lost in thoughts of last night's escapade, complete with sense memories of Terry's tongue in his mouth, rough and wine-rich, and that hard cock working its way into him...

'Oh, darling.'

Draco froze. Warm arms--plump and soft and far too feminine--wound around him, and a pair of curved breasts pressed into his back.

'Pansy,' he greeted calmly, half worried about the success, or otherwise, of last night's... replacement.

But Pansy practically purred. In Draco's ear. Draco, mildly alarmed at this unaccustomed intimacy, gently disengaged himself from Pansy's arms. 'Yes, dear?'

'Last night was brilliant.' Pansy's full mouth was curved upwards in a surprisingly seductive smile, and her dark eyes looked positively... satiated. Cat, thought Draco, meet cream. A rather over-enthusiastic hickey purpled her shoulder under the thin silk of her nightgown. Draco glanced at it appreciatively.

Pansy ran her hands through Draco's rather tousled hair. 'My, don't you look well-fucked,' she chuckled, deep-throated and pleased.

Draco, pulse calming with relief, stooped to nuzzle her neck in a parody of tenderness. 'So do you, my dear,' he said, smiling. 'So do you.'