Double Faced Mask
A Yami no Matsuei fanficAuthor: Ria
Disclaimer: YnM is copyright to several people, such as Yoko Matsushita and Hakusensha. It�s not mine and never will be, considering I�m just a college student struggling with a part-time job because I'm so broke. Suing me would be rather pointless. I just do this because I love to and hopefully to give others some enjoyment, too.
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: The anime and the first few volumes of the manga.
Pairings: Tsuzuki/Hisoka, Tatsumi/Watari
Warnings: angst, memories of NCS and mind-rape, eventual shounen-ai
Summary: Tsuzuki angsts and Hisoka�s logical (but still dense) about their situation. Then Watari gets in on the act to deliver some advice, dragging a helpless Tatsumi along for the ride�
Timeline: A few months after the Kyoto arc in the anime with some stuff from the manga thrown in for good measure. If you�ve seen the anime, you�ll be fine. If you�ve seen both, you�ll be great!
Author�s Notes: Well, we've finally reached the end! I'm not quite sure about Tatsumi's characterisation in this chapter, but after countless rewrites, I couldn't take it anymore! For further notes on what fic's coming after this one, check at the end. Enjoy! Lyrics are from �Heaven Coming Down� by The Tea Party, and aren�t mine.Double Faced Mask
New Page Turning
These signs, this fate
Takes a path you didn�t choose
Stay strong, keep faith
There�s a change that�s coming throughIt all starts with cake � a simple cake.
Things are all different, now. The subtle patterns of our relationships with each other have changed, and I don�t like it. It comes from being dead and stuck in the same routines for decades � change is often disliked and not welcomed by us, depending on the person, of course.
I feel out of my depth and completely helpless, something I can hardly admit to myself and never to anyone else. I�m out of my depth with Tsuzuki and Kurosaki-kun�s new relationship and I�m out if my depth with Watari and whatever strange thing we have.
I feel jealous of Kurosaki-kun, but my head shouts that it�s not, indignant that I�d even think I could feel such base emotions. At this point, I don�t even know what to think, much less feel. So many emotions, all demanding to be recognised, are slowly driving me mad.
Kurosaki-kun enters the office with little fuss; I was the first one in, as usual. I spare him a quick glance and a polite nod, then pause when I see the familiar box from a favourite bakery of Tsuzuki�s cradled carefully in his hands. I open my mouth to speak, but close it after a moment, unable to voice what�s going through my head, instead giving him a raised eyebrow. Are you sure that�s allowed in here at this present time?
He raises an eyebrow in return, a sardonic smile jerking the corner of his mouth. Does it look like I give a damn?
It�s times like these that I want to be alive and young again.
As the others trickle in with the familiar grumbling and moaning, I continue to stare at the little box. When Tsuzuki bursts in, out of breath and barely on time, all is finally revealed.
�Hi-so-kaaa!� he cries, rushing over to his partner and pouting. �Why did you leave so early this morning? I was worried � is that cake?� He instantly goes into puppy mode, all shiny eyes and eager anticipation.
Kurosaki-kun rolls his eyes, but his words are slow and hesitant. �I got up to get this for you, baka!� he says, thrusting the box at Tsuzuki as the familiar blush floods his cheeks.
Tsuzuki accepts it happily, almost bouncing with delight. �Sankyuu, Hisoka!� he chirps. �You have to have some, too!�
I glare frostily over at him.
�At break,� he amends, drooping.
Kurosaki-kun glances up and, upon realising that he and Tsuzuki have a rather avid audience, glares. Very few flinch or look ashamed � everyone is so desperate for details about their life together that they have no shame. Either that, or Kurosaki-kun is beginning to lose his touch.
They�re both a couple and not a couple. We know that they regularly spend the night together, but they did this before everything happened, so it doesn�t really count. Tsuzuki would amiably tell us all the details, but Kurosaki-kun fiercely values his privacy and has threatened dire consequences is Tsuzuki so much as breathes a word, resulting in a scarcity of knowledge concerning their almost-relationship. I�ve picked up a titbit here and there from Watari when he rambles, but even the official Shokan Division gossip queen only knows the very basic details.
I start sorting through paperwork: Tsuzuki and Watari�s abysmal attempts at reports; funding applications; pointless notes that Tsuzuki usually sneaks in to explain why his reports are so disorganised and late this time. But I can�t concentrate, my mind wandering back to Tsuzuki and Kurosaki-kun who, in all likelihood, have that cake open in front of them, by now.
Finally, I abandon it all, sighing as I walk out of my office and the little one shared by them (a gift by Konoe-Kacho after the Kyoto incident, when EnmaDaiOh-sama declared that the two needed more privacy from the open desks used by everyone else).
The door is ajar, so I can hear them as I approach. Tsuzuki has gone into full puppy-mode because of the cake, making Kurosaki-kun increasingly irritated. That�s the odd thing about them � even though they�re together, now, so little between them has actually changed.
�Hisokaaa,� Tsuzuki pleads, his voice clearly audible, �you have to have some � you promised you�d have some!�
�I said no such thing,� Kurosaki-kun�s voice is calm, though the usual bite is still in it, but he clearly has no intention of disappointing Tsuzuki. For all the way that they�re behaving, this could be any of their conversations in the last two years, so little has changed in the way they interact with each other.
But there are little hints that something has changed � Tsuzuki�s manner has softened towards his younger partner� he allows Kurosaki-kun to interfere when he becomes depressed and he genuinely tries not to annoy him as much as he used to; in turn, Kurosaki-kun has tightened his leash on his temper and secretly buys Tsuzuki more sweets that he�ll admit to. Tsuzuki knows better than to remark on it, for fear that Kurosaki-kun�s sudden generosity will stop, as unlikely as that is.
�Please, Hi-so-kaaa? Please?� Tsuzuki�s practically jumping up and down, now; if he had a tail, it would be a wagging blur in his eagerness. �Just a small taste? A little one? I know, I�ll give you a small slice!�
�Baka!� Kurosaki-kun begins in exasperation, �I said I don�t want any- mmphh!� From the sounds of things, Tsuzuki�s just shoved a mouthful of cake into Kurosaki-kun�s mouth.
Tsuzuki makes a pleased sound, but Kurosaki-kun is far from happy after he swallows. �Baka! Why do you never lis- oh, for-!�
Now more curious than is healthy for me, I nudge the door open even farther so that I can see with relatively little difficulty. What my gaze falls on both manages to amuse and horrify me.
Kurosaki-kun�s eyebrow is twitching as he stares at Tsuzuki, who appears to have daubed cream on his partner�s nose to cease his complaining.
But silence certainly does fall as a too-happy Tsuzuki leans over and quickly (for his own safety) licks the cream off.
My eyes widen; I tighten my hold on the doorframe without realising it. Kurosaki-kun is speechless, his face turning a violent shade of red. Tsuzuki beams. He�s absolutely comfortable with what he�s just done, but is rather concerned about his partner�s reaction at the same time. Kurosaki-kun as far as I know, is comfortable with most affection given to him by Tsuzuki � but not in public, and their office is public enough that he feels desperately uncomfortable. He ducks his head, deliberately looking away from Tsuzuki, who merely smiles.
�Why me?� Kurosaki-kun finally asks softly, and I know that I definitely shouldn�t be listening to this. �Why�?� He glances back at Tsuzuki, who�s still smiling at him.
�Because you�re you,� he says simply, cupping his cheek as he continues to gaze at him, content. �Just you.�
Kurosaki-kun looks at him, his face suddenly whitening in shock, before he hesitantly smiles back at Tsuzuki. I remember what Watari told me
�I don�t think you�re jealous of Bon.�and frown, searching my emotions carefully. I feel mildly embarrassed at eavesdropping on such a private moment and wistful that they�re so happy together. But there�s another emotion, one that makes my chest hurt and my eyes narrow. But, I finally realise with much surprise, it�s not jealousy and it�s not directed towards Kurosaki-kun.
What in Enma�s name is wrong with me?
I pause, deliberating whether or not to disturb the moment between them. I decide not to and turn, hurrying away before I give my presence away to them.
The opportunity to sort out my feelings comes in the form of Kurosaki-kun himself taking control of the reins. He finds me alone in the office a few mornings later, sipping my morning tea and resigned to the beginning of yet another day.
�Tatsumi-san,� he greets me, shrugging off his coat; he bears no cake with him today.
�Kurosaki-kun,� I return just as politely, watching him pour water into his tea and realising that this is probably the best chance I�ll get to talk to talk to him with no one else to interrupt. �Uh� a moment, Kurosaki-kun?�
He pauses, turning to look at me with his cup to his lips. �Yes?�
Now that I have the chance to speak with him, I can�t find the correct words. The famed Secretary of the Shokan Division, speechless; the very thought of it, never mind the reality, is unthinkable. �How � how is everything with you and Tsuzuki-san?� I ask at last, mentally rebuking myself for the foolish, inane question the moment that the words leave my lips.
Kurosaki-kun raises a sceptical eyebrow, but nevertheless answers the question. �Things are� fine between us,� he answers at last, looking at me askance. �Uh... has Tsuzuki said anything to you, by any chance?�
�Oh! No!� I reply quickly, flashing him a brief smile. �No, Tsuzuki seems perfectly happy. I just� wanted to�� I trail off, unable to voice what�s going round and round in my head.
Kurosaki-kun frowns at me and sinks into the nearest seat, his tea clutched in his hands and a quizzical expression on his face. �Tatsumi-san?� he asks, his tone gentle and not in the least bit edgy.
I take a deep breath and say, �Tsuzuki needs someone to take care of him. He can�t be alone, no matter how much he smiles or the amount of assurances he gives. You know that, as do I.� I pause, before finally saying, �You�re right for him, Kurosaki-kun. I wasn�t, no matter how much I wanted to be, and � and I apologise if I gave you the impression that I was jealous, or ��
�You were never jealous, Tatsumi-san,� Kurosaki-kun interrupts quietly, looking up at me with a carefully guarded expression. �Your emotions were never those of jealousy.� I stare at him, realising that Kurosaki-kun, as an empath, wouldn�t obviously know these things. I also realise that he probably sensed me standing at the door a few days before, and my stomach drops.
�You feel protective of Tsuzuki,� Kurosaki-kun continues. �You always have. But for some people, the protectiveness they feel for someone can often be mistaken for jealousy directed at another person. I know that you were never jealous of me, Tatsumi-san, but I couldn�t say anything as you needed to realise it yourself.�
I continue to stare at him, hardly able to believe what I�m hearing. Suddenly, all of my previous actions and thoughts are re-evaluated and I realise that Watari could also see my emotions for what they really were, but also wanted me to realise it for myself, and all that stopped me from doing that was my own blindness and my determination to only concentrate on what appeared to be my jealousy.
Kurosaki-kun smiles at me hesitantly, and I return the smile after a moment. �I wish you and Tsuzuki-san well,� I tell him. �Don�t make the same mistake that I did.�
�Don�t worry,� he replies in an amused voice, �I won�t. To be honest, I don�t think Tsuzuki will let me.�
�True,� I admit, just as Tsuzuki bursts in, early for the first time in over a decade. Kurosaki-kun and I both stare at him, before I venture, �Tsuzuki-san?�
�Ohayo!� he greets me enthusiastically, before turning to Kurosaki-kun. �Cake?� he asks hopefully.
I hide my smile as Kurosaki-kun rolls his eyes. �If I brought you cake everyday, I�d have no money left!� he snaps, as Tsuzuki visibly wilts.
I watch them bicker good-naturally for a few moments before clearing my throat; they both turn to look at me. Kurosaki-kun glances between us, a calculating gleam in his eye. I begin to feel an uneasy churning in my stomach, but force my expression to remain calm and impassive.
�Tatsumi-san,� he says, ever-so-politely, �would you be able to find it in yourself to take Tsuzuki to the Sakura grove for tea? I think it�s one habit you and he should begin again.� He pauses, then adds, �And I need a break.�
Tsuzuki, who up until now looked mildly interested, immediately pouts. ��Soka,� he whines. �You�re so mean!�
I stare at Kurosaki-kun, but he looks calm and unruffled by Tsuzuki�s complaining. He knows what he�s doing and what he�s letting himself in for, and he won�t stop until we agree to his plans, which seems to be the safest option.
�Of course I would,� I murmur, nodding. �How does tomorrow afternoon sound?�
�Wonderful,� Kurosaki-kun replies, smiling in amusement.
Tsuzuki, meanwhile, is looking at his partner like he�s lost his mind. �Hisoka�?�
He�s a clever boy, I reflect to myself as I walk back to my office, though he�s no longer strictly a boy. He knows that others have a claim to Tsuzuki also and he�s willing to share. Very, very smart.
I spend the next few hours in my office, finishing paperwork until it�s time for lunch, but when I check, I seem to have accomplished very little. This is not turning out to be one of my better days.
A demanding little hoot makes me blink and focus on the frantically hovering owl in front of me. 003 hoots again and lands on the hand I outstretch for her to perch on. She hops up my arm until she�s nestled against my shoulder, pressing her beck against my skin affectionately.
A quiet noise by the doorway makes me look up to find Watari leaning against the doorway, a tray of tea and food carefully balanced in his hands. I raise an eyebrow at the display; I know for a fact that Watari hardly remembers to feed himself usually, never mind other people.
�Can I come in?� he asks and I nod, suddenly realising that I have no idea on how to proceed with this. He drops the tray on the desk and neither if say anything for the next few minutes as we eat.
It�s not what the others would call a normal romantic relationship, I muse to myself as I sip tea, but� it could work. I really think it could. As much as I care about Tsuzuki, most of the responsibility for taking care of him rests on Kurosaki-kun, now, not me. I�ll still be as important to him as I always was, but things have changed. Tsuzuki is no longer alone as he once was. Both Kurosaki-kun and I are important to him, and that will never change � we�re just important to him in other ways.
And as for me, well� I look up to find Watari watching me with a faint smile. Perhaps I am no longer alone as I once was, either.
I tilt my head slightly. �What are you so happy about?� I ask.
�Oh, nothing,� he replies innocently, his smile widening to a grin. �I was just thinking about how I really didn�t lose our wager.�
Both my eyebrows shoot up. �Oh?�
Watari nods, standing up and leaning across the desk so our noses are almost touching. �I actually won, since we didn�t agree on when exactly Tsuzuki had to tell Bon his feelings. And if what I saw a while ago is any indication, Tsuzuki finally told Bon what he felt for him � and things have changed. So,� he says, delight blooming in his amber eyes, �I get to claim my prize.�
Things really haven�t changed, I think to myself as Watari leans closer. Things are nearly the same between them as they always were, only they�re less dense about the other�s feelings, now. But, I admit to myself as Watari clams his prize, some things certainly have changed.
The kiss is careful and chaste. It�s been so long since I�ve kissed anyone that I�m amazed I still know how. Watari smells of the lab and chemicals, his hair a soft mass of apricot-smelling shampoo. When we break apart, I can feel a faint blush heat my face. Watari grins the lunatic smile of someone who�s just won the jackpot. Then we sit back down and finish the meal, only now the tension is gone, replaced by a comfortable silence that says everything we still won�t voice.
Yes, some things are still the same� but mostly not. Not anymore. But I can deal with it, now, I think. Sometimes, change really is for the best � particularly for someone who�s been dead for over fifty years and still has the same routines - which a certain scientist is probably going to enjoy disrupting immensely.
~ End New Page Turning ~
~~ FINIS ~~ Author�s Notes: Thank you for reading Double Faced Mask. If you�ve been here since Chapter 1, well done! If not, thanks for reading anyway! This is, of course, not the end of the Dance Arc, merely the beginning. The next story in this series will be a one-shot/series centring on Watari and Tatsumi, tentatively entitled Time Ticking Away. Keep an eye out for it, and thank you again for reading!