Double Faced Mask
A Yami no Matsuei fanfic

Author: Ria
Disclaimer: YnM is copyright to several people, such as Yoko Matsushita and Hakusensha. It�s not mine and never will be, considering I�m just a college student struggling with a part-time job because she�s so broke. Suing me would be rather pointless. I just do this because I love to and hopefully to give others some enjoyment, too.
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: The anime and the first few volumes of the manga.
Pairings: Tsuzuki/Hisoka, Tatsumi/Watari
Warnings: angst, memories of NCS and mind-rape, eventual shounen-ai
Summary: Tsuzuki angsts and Hisoka�s logical (but still dense) about their situation. Then Watari gets in on the act to deliver some advice, dragging a helpless Tatsumi along for the ride�
Timeline: A few months after the Kyoto arc in the anime with some stuff from the manga thrown in for good measure. If you�ve seen the anime, you�ll be fine. If you�ve seen both, you�ll be great!
Author�s Notes: The first scene of this chapter was difficult to write for many reasons, so I hope you all don't dislike it too much! This chapter was also much longer in the original, but I had to cut a scene out at the end as it was becoming too long and interrupting the whole flow of the fic. So I have to do the entire scene from Watari's POV next chapter. Joy... argh. I quite like the end of this chapter, just because I'm morbid like that, I suppose. We're rapidly approaching the end of this fic, whether that's a good or bad thing... Enjoy the chapter! Lyrics are from �Paint It Black� by U2, and aren�t mine.

Double Faced Mask
Repaying the Debt

No more will my green sea
Go turn a deeper blue
I could not foresee
This thing happening to you
If I look hard enough
Into the setting sun
My love will laugh with me
Before the morning comes

 

I want to destroy something. I want to close my eyes and scream until I lose my voice. I want to turn blind so that I don�t have to keep seeing what my mind is showing me. Visions of falling Sakura dance before my eyes and I start to shiver, as icy rage curls up from my stomach.

No let me go I don�t want this LET ME GO!

I barely resist the urge to wrap my arms around myself as I feel phantom hands ghost over my body. Warm breath curls around my neck.

�My doll� my puppet.�

It�s suddenly so cold. Why is it so cold? The shivering won�t stop! Why won�t it stop? A whimper trembles from my throat as a light kiss brushes across my neck.

No no no it hurts let me go don�t do this please please please!

Sakura petals fall lightly against my skin, soft kisses full of deadly calm. I can�t stop the tears from trickling down my face as his lips press against mine.

�Hisoka! Hisoka!�

Tsuzuki�s arms envelop me, jerking me back to reality. I breathe in the scent of cinnamon that surrounds him as he presses me to him. �Tsuzuki,� I whisper, realising the wetness on my cheeks is tears. �Tsuzuki�?�

He smiles at me, his violet eyes gentle, before what little composure I still have crumbles and I collapse in his arms, weeping. He holds me, murmuring soft nonsense as he rocks me. I cling to him like he�s the last remaining anchor in my world and I can�t find it in me to feel ashamed. Even as I cry, I can still feel Muraki�s hands on me, caressing me malevolently. The shivering still won�t stop, but at least the tears gradually do. At last, I�m able to take in shaky, deep breaths, grimacing at the raw, pinched feeling to my face.

�Feeling better?� Tsuzuki asks as he rubs soothing circles on my back.

I nod, silently taking the box of tissues he offers me, reddening in embarrassment at falling apart when I definitely shouldn�t be right now. For me, crying is a great weakness, a moment of extreme vulnerability. Tsuzuki is the only one that I�ll allow to see me cry. �Thank you,� I murmur awkwardly.

He smiles at me, rubbing one of my cheeks gently. �I told you, I�ll always be here for you when you need me,� he says quietly, before going to the other room to give me a few moments to compose myself.

I�ve been expecting this to happen ever since we found the necromancer raping the girl. As I watched, unable to tear my eyes away, memories of agonising pain and abuse mingling with the gentle drift of Sakura. At that moment, I would have gladly destroyed the necromancer if common sense (and Tsuzuki) hadn�t stopped me. I�d felt Tsuzuki at my back, horrified and disgusted by what he was seeing, but also worried and concerned about me. Not to mention, worrying frantically about what to do if I lost my composure and lunged at the bastard.

The girl had thrown herself at me first, possibly because she considered me safer since I was around the same age as her. I�d frozen, still controlled by my rage and memories, unable to help her as she clung to me and sobbed. Her anguish, her pain, her self-disgust � they hammered at me to the point where I felt sick, but I wasn�t heartless enough to push her away. In the end, Tsuzuki managed to coax her to let me go and held her until she stopped crying.

And then the screaming started, when she realised that Tsuzuki was a man and thus a danger. I think it broke something in him to have someone look at him in such terror and scream.

We managed to calm her down and took her back to our hotel, but we were at a loss as to what we were supposed to do then. Neither of us were doctors, so we contacted the one person we knew to be the nearest to a doctor that we had.

Watari knocks on the door before coming in � Tsuzuki�s probably decided I�ve had enough time to compose myself � his expression grim. �Well?� I ask, glancing at him, �How is she?�

He looks at me, but doesn�t say anything about my appearance. �Her name�s Nakano Rika,� he tells me, faint disapproval in his voice that we saved the girl and didn�t even ask her what her name is. Hey, neither did Tsuzuki, so why should I be the one who�s given the guilt trip?

�Okay, so how is Nakano-san?� I ask mildly, doing a wonderful job (if I do say so myself) of hiding the irritation in my voice.

�As well as can be expected, really.� Watari fiddles with his glasses as he speaks. �Physically, she�ll be all right � only a few cuts and bruising, nothing too bad.� He winces at his blas� phrasing, but continues on. �I�ve given her the Morning After Pill, too, just in case. But mentally�� He trails off, shuffling his notes and looking at them like they�re the most fascinating things in the world.

�Mentally, she�s destroyed,� I say bluntly, closing my eyes and folding my arms. I can�t help but think that if I hadn�t panicked and ran instead of flying, I could have reached them faster and stopped the rape sooner, if not before it even began. But there�s no point dwelling in �what ifs�, as I well know.

Watari nods. �Hai,� he agrees quietly, visibly uncomfortable. �One moment, she�s clinging to Tsuzuki and crying her eyes out; the next, she�s scrambling away from him like he�s the devil. But��

I take no notice of what he says first � after my own rape, I both wanted and despised touch myself. Comfort didn�t concern me, since I received none. �But?� I prompt at last, when Watari still hasn�t said anything more in the next few seconds.

He presses his lips into a thin line, clearly reluctant to tell me whatever else it is that he knows. �You better come out and listen to what Nakano-san is telling us,� he says finally. �You won�t like it, I�m afraid.�

I frown and follow Watari back into the main room. I listen to what Nakano Rika has to say � and I definitely don�t like it. In fact, when she�s finished speaking, I can barely resist the urge to yell at her until she starts crying again.

�How could she be so stupid?� I rage at Tsuzuki later, when I�m sitting on my bed and Watari�s left, taking the idiot girl home. �How � how typical!�

Tsuzuki sighs. �I know, but to be fair, she didn�t know that things would turn out like this,� he says slowly, though I can sense that he�s struggling to convince even himself. He can�t understand how she could be so foolish, either.

Nakano Rika had met the necromancer one night while out walking her dog, and against all logic and common sense had replied when he�d started talking to her. She eventually told him that her boyfriend had died recently, but had been cheating on her when the car had hit him. Nakano Rika smiled, laughed, and put on a happy face when facing the world, but inside, she was grieving and furious that the boy she still loved so much had treated her so badly.

So she was more than eager when the necromancer remarked that he had a way of solving all her problems.

�The method of necromancy she tried to do is very old,� Tsuzuki remarks thoughtfully. �Putting a hundred rushlights into an andon and reciting an incantation of a hundred lines, extinguishing a rushlight at the end of each line, was something normally used by girls who�d lost their lovers by death. It used to mess up things for us badly whenever it actually worked� which wasn�t often, but anyway��

�Of course it wouldn�t have worked for her!� I snap irritably. �It�s a form of �white� necromancy, and Nakano-san�s intentions were anything but good! She wanted to resurrect her boyfriend to make life miserable for him! I read about it in my book.� I blink, suddenly realising that I have absolutely no idea where said book actually is. Damn, had I left it back at the park?

�Oh!� Tsuzuki sits up and reaches into his coat, pulling out my book and holding it out to me. �You left it behind after you when you sensed the necromancer�s power, so I figured I�d better bring it.� He beams at me, pleased with himself in a rather endearingly modest way.

I blink at him, finally accepting the book back, touched. Not many would have thought to keep it themselves. With Tsuzuki�s rather childish attitude and overall laziness, it�s very easy to forget that he has a sharp mind underneath all the perpetual silliness. But it�s times like these that he tends to prove us all wrong. �Thank you,� I say at last, smiling at him slightly. My words may be inadequate, but my smile hopefully isn�t.

�But Nakano-san was still a fool,� I mutter rebelliously, unable to let go f that particular topic.

Tsuzuki sighs heavily. �Agreed,� he admits.

Nakano-san�s attempts at necromancy had, of course, failed miserably and after she had confronted the necromancer about this, he had taken what he wanted from her, just before we had found them.

Even though everyone else felt sorry for her, I couldn�t help but despise her for her foolish actions, even though I knew it was unfair to do so. The way I hated her for being so irresponsible and getting raped for her foolishness would be like hating myself for going outside that night and seeing Muraki under the Sakura tree. It was irrational, illogical, but still understandable from my point of view.

Tsuzuki sighs again, scratching his head and looking extremely worried. �Ne, what are we going to do? This necromancer is smart enough that he won�t fall for any traps we set.�

My jaw tightens as I think. �He�s not smart enough,� I whisper, remembering the way his eyes had flickered over me. I remember feeling repulsed at the brief lust-light that had lit up in their cold depths as he did so. �Everyone has a weakness,� I murmur quietly, my knuckles whitening as I clench my hands into trembling fists. �I know what to do.�

Tsuzuki looks at me, resigned sadness in his eyes; I can feel it radiate off him in trembling waves. He doesn�t say anything, but then, there is nothing he can say.

 

I stand in the empty car park, my hands stuffed in the pockets of my jeans, waiting patiently. The night is silent, save for the normal sounds of the city and the whisper of the wind. I stare up at the sky without really seeing it, simply waiting.

Then I feel him at the edge of my senses, his dark, corrupt presence making my skin crawl, just as it did when I felt him in the park and it frightened me into a panicked rescue mission. But I refuse to let any indication of my distress show on my face or in my body language; my shields are as tight as I can make them. I won�t give him the satisfaction of knowing that he repulses me.

�How were you so certain that I would come?� he asks quietly, his voice silky smooth and just as dangerous as he comes up towards me from behind.

�I knew you would come,� I say, still facing away from him. To be honest, I hadn�t been that sure, but I�d been mostly certain that he�d come after sensing me on my own � or so he thought. Tsuzuki had reluctantly agreed, though I knew it had caused him great pain to do so.

�Who told you about us?� I ask.

�Does it matter?� he asks slowly, still coming closer. �What does matter is that he was right � toy and Tsuzuki-san are both beautiful, both perfect.�

Lecherous fool, I think spitefully while managing to smile bitterly. If only he knew the truth about us.

�Who told you?� is all I asks, automatically tensing as the necromancer stands right behind me. I can feel his breath on the back of my neck.

A low chuckle; breath ruffles the hairs on my neck. �It doesn�t matter,� he repeats.

�I�m afraid it does,� I murmur, taking a step forward. He follows me, also taking that same step. My tension levels shoot up to dangerous heights, but my voice is level and calm as I ask, �What else did he tell you about us?�

He laughs � the sound is probably meant to be seductive. It fails miserably. �Inquisitive, aren�t you?�

�It�s my job.� The air is suddenly thick and clammy, like it was just before I sensed him a few nights ago, the hint that told even Tsuzuki that something was very, very wrong. My stomach churns with nausea, as a headache begins to throb behind my left eye.

�You�re so beautiful, so delicate�� The necromancer�s voice crawls through my head like slime, making me shudder with disgust, though he probably thinks it�s from something else entirely. The headache is starting to spread across my forehead.

�Unfortunately,� I snarl, anger beginning to tighten my muscles, �I can�t say the same for you.�

It�s the wrong thing to say, for he suddenly grabs my arms and whirls me around painfully. His emotions slam into me repeatedly and I bite my lip so as not to scream. His lust-hunger, his evil, his corruptness� it taints my mind and empathy, making me scream mentally over and over again. This is disgusting, this is horrifying, this is what happened to all those victims whose souls we�re trying to find and free.

He grabs onto my other arm and jerks me towards him, his mouth hovering over mine. For one repulsive moment, I think he�s going to kiss me, until I realise that this is something else entirely, as something begins to flow from my mouth to his � my life energy.

This is what he was doing to Nakano Rika when we found them � this is what he did to all the other teenagers as well. And now I know exactly how painful their last moments were.

It takes me several moments to realise that I�m screaming, the sound high-pitched and terrified as my vision begins to blacken at the edges. Pain roars through me as my life is taken from me by force, but what I�m experiencing is probably nothing compared to what the others felt � because I�m dead.

You can�t take life energy from someone who�s already ceased to have it.

All of us Shinigami have a certain amount of life energy because we�re allowed to cross from Meifu to the world of the living and vice-versa, but it�s nothing very substantial. Only, the necromancer must be either very stupid or just ill informed, if he thinks he�s going to get anything more from me than he already has. If so, I think I�ve just found his other weakness � lack of knowledge. Already, I can feel my small store of life energy replenish itself, my shields rebuilding themselves. I can feel my face and body smoothing out again and relaxing. And finally � finally! � I can feel the necromancer begin to tense as he realises that something is most definitely not going to plan.

�Your necromancy skills must be severely lacking if you think you�re going to get anything substantial from me,� I remark casually, my breathing slowing as the pain slowly ebbs away. My head, thankfully, no longer feels like it�s going to explode, taking my sanity along with it.

�What?� he whispers, staring at me with complete disbelief.

I smile, and I know it�s not pleasant. �You�re either a really pathetic excuse for a necromancer or you were grossly misinformed as to what we really are,� I tell him matter-of-factly. I lean in so our faces are merely centimetres apart, and whisper, �You can�t steal life from someone who�s already dead.�

He stumbles back because of the psychic blast I hurdle at him, filled with enough rage, enough pain and enough loathing that he even cries out, whether in pain or surprise I don�t know and, to be frank, I don�t care. The cry is enough... almost.

Everything moves in slow motion, then. I find myself asking him who he is and why he did it, why he destroyed so many lives for no apparent reason.

He smiles at me, a slow, sad smile with no regret in it, and tells me that his name is Ashida Kariudo. As to why he did it�

�Haven�t you ever wanted to control the line between life and death, to have the ability to blur it, even a little?� he asks me quietly, the sadness and bitterness in his cold eyes growing. �Don�t lie to me: I know you have. Everyone has, at some point.�

I stare at him and I can feel me own eyes going cold and hard. �No, I never wanted that,� I tell him quietly. �All I ever wanted in my life was death and even that took three years before it came to me.� A bitter truth, but still an honest one.

�Ah, yes,� he murmurs. �He told me how he did that. I can see the appeal, myself.�

It takes several moments for his words to sink in, and then I stare at him, speechless. He? That means� �You know Muraki?� I ask, ashamed of the hint of desperation that�s growing in my voice. �How do you know him? Did he set you up for this?�

He smiles at me again, and somehow it seems like he knows what�s about to happen. �Does it matter?� he asks, and I want to strangle him.

I�m about to say yes, when I hear Tsuzuki summon Suzaku as if from a distance, even though he�s only a few feet away. The distance between the necromancer and me is just enough for me to be safe. I watch Suzaku�s flames roar towards Ashida as if I�m watching it from far away, feeling strangely detached from it all.

The necromancer is still smiling, even as he dies in Suzaku�s flames. I watch him silently, hardly registering Tsuzuki�s presence when he comes rushing up beside me, Watari at his heels. But when Tsuzuki�s hand closes around mine, I manage to find enough energy to squeeze back and hold onto it like it�s the last thing keeping me together.

Perhaps Tsuzuki is the only one keeping me sane. Or perhaps it�s the sense of justice I get at watching a corrupted man die a slow, painful death by burning, as all around us freed souls appear, surrounding us with feelings of relief and the satisfaction of a debt finally paid as the flames devour what is owed.

 

� End Repaying the Debt �

 

Additional Author's Note: For anyone curious about the type of necromancy Nakano Rika did that Tsuzuki and Hisoka talked about, I found it all here: www[.]totse[.]com[/]en[/]religion[/]the_occult[/]necro2.html What I actually used is only a tiny paragraph, but I thought it'd be a neat thing to include. I've taken some liberities with it, but the idea's the same. :)