Title: Keystone
Author: Ria
Disclaimer: All belongs to Kouga-sensai. I only like to borrow and try to give them back in slightly better condition than when I got them. :|
Rating: PG
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Kio, one-sided Kio/Soubi
Spoilers: Everything up to the latest Zerosum chapters.
Words: ~3,600
Written to: You Cut Her Hair by Tom McRae. Lyrics used are from the same song.
Summary: The first time that Kio sees Soubi, he knows things can only get better. But nothing goes to plan.
Author's Notes: Written for Yutaka with the prompts: Kio; white, scarf, obligation. I'm rather nervous: this is my first proper-length Loveless fic, so... *fidgets* On the other hand, I've forgotten how much I love writing Kio, and how awesome he is in general. ♥ I hope you all enjoy this, especially Yutaka. Not sure if this is what you had in mind, but. XD

 

Keystone

So live
Live long
See her face
In everyone
And turn
Turn the page
Start again
Change your name

 

The first time Kio sees Soubi, he thinks he is the most beautiful person he has ever seen. The world ripples and spins � the sun shines brighter for a moment in a piercing-bright sky, and Kio is aware of the blood rushing through his ears, heating his cheeks. His heart thunders in his chest and it is suddenly difficult to breathe.

Watching Soubi � though he does not know who he is, not yet � peer around for a moment as he decides on a seat, heedless of the many stares being cast his way, Kio suddenly finds himself re-evaluating everything he has been up until this point, every choice he has made which has got him to this point.

He lost his ears and tail the previous week, to a girl with long dark hair and a pretty smile who liked his sketches and told him he had talent. He didn't mind losing his ears to her � there were far worse people to lose them to, Kio knows very well � and in a world where losing one's virginity was almost a public affair, noted by all who saw you the next day and realised your ears were gone, Kio had always considered his first time as just getting it over with.

Still, his overwhelming first opinion of sex is that it was incredibly messy, coupled with the unsettling moment of waking up to dead hair and skin that had once been a part of him. Kio had never expected to miss his ears and tail, but he does, though he'd sooner die than admit it.

He's seen the girl less than a handle of times since then, but Kio finds that he doesn't mind. Now that his first time is over with, he's ready for it to get better because it really can only get better.

Now, watching Soubi, Kio knows that it will get better. And that he might be a very different person to one he always thought he was.

He watches him through class, watches the sunlight filter through his hair and bounce off his glasses as he stares into space. Kio has never thought himself to be a romantic, but he can't understand the thoughts going through his head, or the tight feeling in his chest, and this has never happened with any girl before.

He hurries after Soubi when the day is over, intending to catch up with him and say something, anything, but when he finally reaches him, there is already someone else there. Dark hair curls and hides the person's eyes, and his ears and tail are almost like that of a dog's, and his smile is unsettling when Soubi comes up to him. Soubi has changed � his posture is both eager and hunched all at once - and Kio hates that person on sight.

He learns later that this person is Aoyagi Seimei, and that Soubi is hopelessly in love with him. Kio will never, ever like or trust Seimei, but he will pretend to for Soubi's sake.

# # #

Kio doesn't know what to say the first time he claps eyes on Aoyagi Ritsuka. In fact, his first impulse is to catch Soubi by the lapels of his coat and scream at him is he insane? But he sees the look in Soubi's eyes � alive, alive for the first time since Seimei died � and his impulse dies before it has even formed. Instead, he looks doubtfully down at the kid and, after a moment, asks him would he like something to eat. Kids are bottomless pits, he remembers; he was one.

It doesn't take long for him to realise that Ritsuka is nothing like Seimei was � Seimei, who could show in one brief glance that he despised Kio and wanted nothing more than for him to disappear � but even with this, Kio still doesn't know what to do. He doesn't understand Soubi's motivations for seeking out the boy, doesn't understand why Soubi would return to that world which Kio has only seen glimpses of � the world where he bleeds, and comes home broken, and Kio is the one who has to bandage him, and stroke his hair, and snap at him to stay strong, that he is important, that he can't give up.

Kio is used to giving more than he receives, but he doesn't understand what Ritsuka gives, until one day when he is watching them and he realises that Ritsuka is like Kio, giving Soubi himself, even though he doesn't realise it.

It's following this sudden realisation that Kio truly embraces Ritsuka and hauls him into their circle. There are still times, however, when Seimei comes up in conversation (and since it is Ritsuka and Soubi, Seimei comes up in conversation much more than Kio is comfortable with) and Kio has to bite his tongue not to let the truth of Aoyagi Seimei spill out. He knows that Soubi doesn't want Ritsuka to know the truth, but Kio isn't sure that Soubi himself recognises the truth, and sometimes he sits there and thinks that both Ritsuka and Soubi are still utterly blind.

He feels a little ashamed that at moments like these he just wants to stand up and shout at them (and possibly throws things) to wake up and open their eyes, and see what is really there and what really happened and what Seimei really was.

But they would both hate him if he did that, and Kio doesn't want them to hate him. As infuriating as they both are, they need someone to take care of them.

Ritsuka is nothing like his brother.

Kio hasn't felt this relieved about one single thing since the day he learned of Seimei's death � and the relief he feels this time is much less painful.

# # #

Kio is informed that Soubi is in a bad mood the moment he arrives, and when he looks over to see pale butterflies and flowers being dabbed onto the canvas in pale watercolours, he sighs and thinks it's going to be one of those days.

"Sou-chan," he says, walking over and donning his smock. He gazes down at the canvas and sighs again � he can paint people much better than Soubi, but none of his best work seems to come out when he's stressed; his brushstrokes become sloppy instead.

Soubi's back stiffens and Kio frowns, thinking hard. Trying to get him to talk is never going to work, he knows this from far too much experience, but there has to be a way to get the tension out, to stop him from trying to grind the paintbrush bristles into the canvas and out the other side.

He tilts his head to the side and frowns again. "Less black," he proclaims after a few moments. "Less black, more glitter paint," he adds.

The paintbrush pauses and Soubi glances at him from above his glasses. "Glitter?" he repeats, raising an eyebrow as a faint smile curls at the edges of his mouth. Soubi has never once used glitter; Kio doesn't even know if they have it in stock.

"Glitter," he says, adopting a serious expression and nodding wisely.

Soubi lowers his head, his hair falling into his eyes, but Kio knows he is smiling anyway. He beams, rummaging in his pocket and silently handing Soubi a chupa. "Too early for a cigarette," he says, and Soubi's eyes gleam as he takes the lollipop from him.

Soubi unwraps it slowly and sticks it into his mouth; his eyes close and Kio looks away.

Kio wants to ask him what's wrong. He wants to assure Soubi that he can tell him anything, that he wants Soubi to talk to him. He wants to be able to understand him; he wants to be allowed into the darker parts of Soubi's world that even an irritable twelve-year-old has access to, even though Kio isn't quite sure that he would be able to cope if that world was fully revealed to him.

But he doesn't. Instead, he gives Soubi more exaggerated advice about his painting and how it could be improved because he knows that all of this leads back to Seimei. It always does.

Even in death, Seimei haunts them still.

# # #

Kio doesn't expect to see him; he's walking towards the train, trying to brainstorm ideas for his latest project with little success, and grinds to a halt when he sees Ritsuka leaning against a wall, hands in his pockets and his ears drooping.

For a moment, Kio knows he could remain silent, cross the street, walk on by, and Ritsuka would be none the wiser. He ponders this for several seconds, until he sees the expression in Ritsuka's eyes and sighs.

"Ritsuka," he says, walking towards him, and Ritsuka's head jerks up, his ears flattening as he tenses, ready to run. He blinks and relaxes slightly when he recognises Kio.

"Kio," he says, blinking again when Kio beams at him.

"What's up, kid?" Kio asks, thinking to himself that he probably should have studied Psychology instead of going into Art � he spends far too much time trying to figure out what's going on in people's heads.

"Nothing," Ritsuka replies, and he's tensed up just like Seimei was, and Kio finds temporary satisfaction in cursing Aoyagi Seimei's ghost in various (though improbable) ways as he leans against the wall beside the kid.

Carefully not looking at him, Kio reaches into his pocket and silently holds out a chupa to Ritsuka.

Giving candy to kids, Kio, he thinks. You're getting just as bad as Soubi.

Ritsuka hesitates but takes the chupa with a muttered "Thanks", unwrapping it with trembling hands and sticking it almost furiously into his mouth. Kio isn't surprised to hear it crack.

They stay leaning against the wall, silently watching people walk by. It's only when he's finished the candy that Ritsuka speaks, mumbling, "My mother deleted my latest set of pictures," and shifting against the wall, carefully gazing down at the pavement.

"Ah," Kio says, and can't help but feel a vague prickle of pity for him. He banishes it quickly � pitying people like Ritsuka and Soubi is useless, both for himself and for them � but he can't help but think that the kid has a right to be upset. Ritsuka has a virtual black hole in his memories, after all, and seems to have a perpetual fear of losing his memories again, having good reason for such a fear.

They pause again, until Ritsuka glances at him quickly and then asks, "Don't you ever fear losing your memories?"

Kio doesn't immediately answer, instead staring up at the pale sky overhead. He finally says, "No, I don't. Some memories are simply too strong to forget, no matter what happens." He hesitates, then looks over at Ritsuka, following the edges of Ritsuka's white scarf as they flutter gently in the faint breeze. "I don't think I could ever forget Soubi, for example," he says quietly, hurriedly dropping his gaze to the pavement.

Ritsuka says flatly, "I never thought I would forget, either."

Kio sighs as quietly as he can, and then straightens. "C'mon, kid, we'll go over to Sou-chan's and annoy him. I might even cook."

Ritsuka wrinkles his nose, but allows Kio to drag him down the street.

# # #

There will come a time when Kio will come face-to-face with someone with cruel eyes and a dislike for those he holds dearest to him. He will not think much of the brief meeting, and it will pass from his mind until, forcibly separated from Soubi and Ritsuka, he will come face-to-face with this person again.

"Nisei," he will say, frowning, and will only receive harsh laughter as an answer.

It will not be surprising for him to learn that Nisei is connected to Seimei. Everything always leads back to Seimei.

And, afterwards, there will not be very much for Kio to remember at all.

# # #

Soubi is still in university, having yet to cram for a deadline he should have completed days before, and it is only because of this that Kio stomps up to Soubi's front door with shopping bags in tow. Soubi, typically being Soubi, had only bothered to inform Kio that the two brats had left after Kio had done the shopping, but at least no one would starve for the next fortnight. A small blessing, but Kio thinks he is the only one actually appreciating it.

It is only when he is at the front door that he realises he no longer has a key in and the brats are no longer there to open the door, and he swears loudly. Then he blinks as the door clicks open and a bleary-eyed Ritsuka peers out at him.

"Kio?" Ritsuka asks just as Kio says, "Ritsuka?" They stare at each for a handful of seconds before Ritsuka steps back and allows Kio to come inside.

"What are you doing here?" Kio asks, aware that today is a school day.

Ritsuka shrugs, and Kio knows that something has happened, or it has been a bad day, or maybe both. He sighs. Soubi won't be back for a few hours, at least, depending on how fast he can paint and how much he can hide the fact that it is another last-minute job he is submitting, and Kio can't exactly let Ritsuka alone here, not now that he actually knows Ritsuka is here.

"Have you eaten?" he asks at last, because food is one of the few ways he can successfully communicate with Ritsuka, and the boy is a growing twelve-year-old and far too skinny for his age. Even the brats ate more in one meal than Ritsuka did in a day.

Ritsuka shakes his head and Kio pauses, going over what he's bought and decides he's in no mood to cook, so convenience food it is. He drops the bags gently to the floor and then tells Ritsuka to pick a flavour of instant noodles.

Later, when they're sitting cross-legged on the floor while eating, Kio starts talking about his day, elaborate rambles that Ritsuka doesn't interrupt or ask questions about. But when Kio glances over at him, Ritsuka's expression is peaceful and he is the most relaxed that Kio has seen him in a while.

Kio wakes up when he hears the click of the door as Soubi comes in. He yawns and makes to rise to a sitting position, except he peers down to see Ritsuka curled against him, his face pressed into Kio's shoulder.

Soubi smiles softly, and helps Kio to extract himself. Soubi carries Ritsuka to his bed and Kio helps to tuck him in. He is pulling on his coat, intending to go home, when Soubi frowns slightly and shakes his head.

They pull out the futons and arrange blankets, and Kio finds himself unable to sleep, terribly conscious of Soubi asleep on the other futon beside him. He can still catch the lingering scents of oils and turpentine in the air, and he wonders is it possible to hear Soubi's heartbeat if he leans down as close to Soubi as he dares.

# # #

The day that Kio learns that Seimei is not dead, and was never dead, is the single worst day of his life. He finds himself unable to move, hardly able to breathe, his eyes widening as his mouth opens.

But he knows that he does not deserve to be upset, has no real right to be upset for himself, not when the blood abruptly drains from Ritsuka's face and his hands clench into fists as he tries desperately to keep his emotions under control.

Then Kio looks over at Soubi, watches his face, and thinks, You already knew. You knew, and you didn't want to tell Ritsuka because you knew it would destroy him. Soubi.

Then he blinks and watches as Ritsuka visibly pulls himself together, straightening as his fists stop shaking. He raises his eyes to look straight at his silent brother, and takes a deep breath that shudders only slightly.

"Seimei," Ritsuka says, and his voice comes out even, carefully controlled.

Looking from one to the other, Kio realises that Ritsuka has become more like his brother than any of them realised� but this is a good thing. Ritsuka is what Seimei should have been, but was not.

In some ways, Kio supposes, Ritsuka is what Beloved truly should have been.

And as Soubi moves to stand beside Ritsuka, gazing at Seimei with eyes that hurt only a little, Kio knows that he can be brave as well, even when Seimei turns to look at him. The same disgusted look flickers across his face for the briefest moment, before Seimei orders Nisei to take Kio away.

Kio doesn't remember this for a very long time afterwards, but when his memories begin to return, he remembers that he did not argue, he did not shake, and he did not make a sound � not even when Nisei turned to him, and Kio realised that they were alone and that no one would be able to help him.

# # #

On bad days, Kio thinks about telling Soubi that he loves him and has for a very long time. He thinks about this, and then knows that Soubi will slowly turn to face him and his answer will be a carefully blank stare, and that this will be what truly breaks Kio. Not nights of wiping blood away and touching bruises with gentle fingertips, or unrolling bandages until his dreams turned white and he wanted the shadows to swallow him. Not nights of holding Soubi while he shook and moaned for Seimei, over and over again until Kio was shaking himself.

No, that did not break him, but Kio is too honest with himself to firmly believe that losing Soubi to something that can never be conquered and mended again is something that he will be able to recover from.

On bad days, Kio avoids Soubi and makes no jokes; he doesn't badger Soubi to work faster or plead with him to at least pick up a paintbrush. He doesn't do the shopping for him, and he doesn't cook for Soubi or convince him to do it. Kio does absolutely nothing that concerns Soubi at all.

But the bad days turn into good ones when it is Soubi who seeks him out, concern partially hidden in his eyes as he peers at Kio's latest project and offers detached criticism, which Kio always huffs at but secretly takes to heart and later uses.

Kio likes to think that he has much more good days than bad ones.

Loving Soubi is not an obligation. But hiding his love from him is.

# # #

Kio will not be ready the day that Soubi � though he has no idea that it is Soubi � arrives on his doorstep, a shopping bag in one hand and a covered canvas in the other. He will not be ready when a teenaged boy will pop out from behind Soubi, his ears drooping and worry lurking in his eyes.

But they are polite, and do not look too dangerous, so Kio will let them in after they introduce themselves. He will watch, bewildered, as Soubi takes control of his kitchen and Ritsuka will make him tea and insist he drink it, grumbling when Kio tells him he would much rather a beer and mutter that "some things never change".

He will not ask how Soubi knows what his favourite meal is when it is put before him, perfectly made, and he will not ask how Ritsuka will exclaim over Kio having added two new piercings to his ears and know how many he had before. Kio will sit at the table, still helpless and bewildered, and will eat because it is expected of him, and struggle to make conversation because it is the polite thing to do.

It will not be until Soubi reveals the covered painting that something will trigger in Kio's brain, a delicate prickle that will make him pause and frown. It is a beautiful painting, of flowers and butterflies in pale, delicate colours. It is dream-like and calm, and Kio will feel a delightful sense of peace settle over him as he gazes at it. But he will be unable to dispel the vague sense that this peace should not have been invoked by this painting, and that this painting should not have been so dream-like, even though Kio has never seen anything like that painting before.

"It is yours," Soubi will say, smiling, and Kio will blink and slowly thank him.

And then the prickle will come again, harder this time, and Kio will blink rapidly, his frowning deepening as a veil is lifted in his mind and something will appear before him, something that settles in his brain like it was there all along.

His eyes will widen, his fingers becoming clammy as they tighten around the cool beer can, and he will think, I know you. I know both of you.

And relief will pool into both Soubi and Ritsuka's eyes: Ritsuka will laugh, the sound loud and free; Soubi's smile will tremble for the briefest moment; and Kio will draw in a shuddering breath, unable to keep from smiling back at them.

 

End

# # #

This fic references Yutaka's Tokens Do Not Speak, which wasn't intentional, but feels sort of fitting. Mainly using the idea of what would happen if Nisei used his powers of mind-wiping etc. against Kio. Um. I've twisted some of the latest chapters to my use - including making up what most likely will not happen (I doubt Kio will actually be right in the centre of the action by the time Seimei makes his big reveal, for example), so feel free to bop me on the head if I've written anything stupid.