Disclaimer: Not mine. Nope. Am a college student here. I think that speaks for itself.

Summary: Post-OotP ficlet. Harry POV.

 

Look Beyond the Veil

He comes to me at night, as silent as the dog he sometimes is. But he�s younger than I remember; the lines aren�t as deep, his face not as gaunt, his eyes aren�t as haunted. He reminds me of the fifteen year old I saw in the Pensieve, a laughing, casually handsome teen. It should make me feel better, but it doesn�t.

He hoists himself onto the end of my bed, swinging his legs and grinning broadly. His eyes twinkle as I crawl slowly towards him. �Slow poke,� he teases, dragging his hair away from his eyes in a gesture so familiar that it makes my chest hurt.

I stare at him, knowing I look stupid but not caring. �Is it really you?� I whisper at last, hardly able to believe my eyes.

He lets out his bark-laugh. ��Course it�s me! Who else would be mad enough to visit you at this hour?�

�Point,� I admit, sighing.

�Hey,� he whispers, draping an arm around my shoulders and hauling me towards him, �chin up. You�re stronger than this, I know it. Things will get better.�

I sigh again, my shoulders slumping. �It�s not the same without you,� I murmur, suddenly not able to look at him.

�Damn right it isn�t,� he drawls, squeezing me tightly. �But,� and at this his voice becomes quieter, more serious, �I�ll always be here for you, you know that, right? I can�t be with you like I used to, but all you have to do is close your eyes and I�ll be here. I won�t ever leave you this time.�

I lean in and burrow my face against his shoulder, hugging him tightly. He hugs me back, his cheek resting against my hair. The only sound is my breathing, as it fills the room.

Then darkness, and I look up, startled and alone. A Dementor watches me, impassive, dark robes flapping in a breeze that I can�t feel. I stare, terrified, as cold curls down my throat and clenches around my heart (I still have a heart?), tighter and tighter, until I can�t breathe. I claw at my throat, choking, choking, but the Dementor simply glides forward, rotting hand outstretched�

CRACK!

Ron stares up at me, eyes wide and sightless. I gasp�

CRACK!

Hermione�s on her side, hair spread over her face in a red-streaked cloud�

CRACK!

Hagrid�

CRACK!

Ginny�

CRACK!

Dumbledore�

CRACK!

Lupin�

CRACK!

McGonagall�

CRACK!

Dobby�

I open my mouth to scream, to shout stop, but then everything melts, and I�m left staring at a man I just saw dead moments ago, his throat torn out. Grey�s the dominant colour in his hair, as he smiles sadly at me.

�I know I�m not him,� Lupin mutters, clenching his hands, �But... you know I�m always here, if you need me, don�t you?�

He�s gone before I can answer.

I�m on my knees on the floor, trying to remember how I got there. Something glimmers in front of me, something broken but still managing to shine brightly. I lean down and brush my hand over it, then yank it back with a yelp. My fingers are streaked with red, as I stare down at them, transfixed. I look back at the mirror, trying to remember...

The mirror he gave me, the one I didn�t look at it until it was too late, and now it doesn�t work at all... Something large blocks my throat, making it hard to swallow...

A flash of red hair makes me look up in surprise, as it melts back into the darkness. I whirl around in time just to catch a glimpse of hazel eyes... no, I can never see them, ever, even if I want to, and I�m not sure I do...

And then he comes, as I expected he would.

�Mr. Potter,� he murmurs in a deceptively silky voice, his eyes glittering with rage. �Having fun, are we?�

I glance around; the Pensieve is beside me, shining in the oppressing darkness. Oh... oh no.

I turn. Snape�s white with fury, shaking as if he�d dearly love to throttle me. I�ve seen it all over again, and he�s going to stop the Occlumency lessons, and it�s all going to happen again because I won�t be able to shield my mind�

�NO!� I bellow out, before I even know I�m making a sound, �NO, I WON�T LET YOU!�

Surprise flickers over Snape�s face for a moment, before I turn and try to run...

...and find myself upside down, struggling to keep my robes from falling around me, but I can�t move my arms. Laughter rings in my ears, as humiliation leaves a sour taste in my throat. I want to kill him, make him hurt as much as I�m hurting, I want to... to...

Draco Malfoy�s face blends into my father�s, and everything�s swirling again, as mocking laughter echoes shrilly around me. I land on the ground with a thump�

I sit bolt upright in bed, my eyes wide. My heart beats staccato-like in my throat, as I look frantically around in my room. The familiar mess surrounds me, flooded with the streetlight coming in through the window.

I sink back onto the pillow, vainly trying to control the disappointment and bitterness in my stomach. I turn onto my side, punching the pillow in helpless anger. And on and on it goes. Nothing is safe, even in sleep.

In my mind�s eye the dream replays itself, each detail excruciatingly clear, and there�s nothing to hide it. I don�t know how long I can continue like this until something in me snaps again, like in Dumbledore�s office. The rage bubbles inside me, simmering under the surface, becoming hotter with each sneer from Dudley and each roar from Uncle Vernon.

I don�t even want to think about what�ll happen if I lose my temper at them.

Exhausted, and with a headache beginning to throb in my temples, I close my eyes, trying to get some sleep before a new day really begins, as hollow and frustrating as the previous one.

But I can still hear the voice of the first man who considered me family echo softly around the room. �Look beyond the veil. Look beyond the veil.�

I wish I could.