Love Under Will
Chapter Five
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Rating: R for language, frequent sexual situations, and angst
Disclaimer: I don't own anything here, except the writing. No profit is intended except the sheer joy I get out of constructing this story.
Note: Info on points raised throughout the story will always be chapter-specific; look at the end of each chapter for notes as necessary.
Chapter Five: Luminous Crush
It seems like I just wasn't meant to follow through.
�Space Team Electra
Your detention will occur tonight at 10:00 pm in the astronomy tower. M. M.
Draco blinked at the note. Professor McGonagalls owl looked at him and nibbled his sleeve. He offered it a bite of his lunch instead and took a glance at the Gryffindor table just as he heard Weasley whine, Harry, your detentions tonight? Couldnt McGonagall have waited till after the Quidditch match? Potter was reading the note without any reaction, but when he felt Dracos gaze upon him he turned and regarded his adversary with resentment.
Fine, then, you sorry git. Granger didnt ask you to lie for herits not my fault youre in this mess. But Draco couldnt help but feel a pang of disappointment as he registered how cold those emerald eyes were behind Potters glasses; it stung, especially after that mornings Potions class, when he had been almost& almost friendly.
Dont they want you to bring anything? Crabbe grunted.
It doesnt say so. Probably were just cleaning teleview lenses or something like that.
I wonder what youll be doing, said Goyle dully, as though the last half of Dracos comment hadnt existed. Draco tried not to roll his eyes till the other boys back was turned. The truth was, he really hadnt given much thought to the task. Whatever hed be doing, hed be doing it with Potterand that was all that really mattered to him right now.
The afternoon was bleak and gray, unlike the sunny dueling weather of the previous evening, and the oppressiveness peculiar to November settled itself over his heart. He didnt know why he was so eager to be with Potter, and he didnt know why it mattered so much that Potter resented spending what promised to be a pretty easy hour of detention locked up alone in a room with him. Its not like Im going to try to curse him, or hex him, or, or&
Draco found himself wishing the day would hurry.
Well? What are we supposed to be doing, Potter?
Dont ask me, Im not the reason were here, Potter snapped. Draco smirked. He and Potter were waiting in the Astronomy tower, which looked particularly devoid of tasks. The telescopes had all been cleaned and stored away, the furniture (which was, Draco had always thought, surprisingly nice and cozy for a drafty domed room on the seventh floor) was invitingly in order, and the only thing out of place was Potter himself, who seemed to be fuming that he was there at all.
If you hadnt had to be the hero and take the rap for Granger, you wouldnt have gotten into trouble.
Well, if youd been able to act like a regular human being for once instead of seizing the opportunity to be a bastard, I wouldnt have had to lie.
Youre just mistaking vanity for virtue, Draco replied.
Potters eyes widened. Youre calling me vain? he retorted. Thats rich coming from a guy who wakes up an hour earlier than anyone else just to fix his hair.
Draco made sure his smirk was visible across the room. Why, Potter, he said with a debonair wink, his voice deliberately seductive, Now that I know youve noticed, Ill tack another hour onto my daily toilette.
Potter tried desperately not to let this remark faze him, and only succeeded in looking adorably confounded. Draco had to laugh, even as he found himself pleased at the way Potter was reactingas though he really did notice Dracos appearance, more than he cared to admit.
Potters cheeks reddened considerably, and he was about to mutter a heated retort, when a knock at the door cut him off. Dumbledore stepped inside a moment later, and the two captives exchanged glances of confusionwhere was McGonagall?
Dumbledore gave them both a kind smile and said simply, Professor McGonagall has allowed me to be responsible for punishing the two of you tonight. Youll forgive me for saying so, but you may find tonights detention a bit harder to live with than previous types of punishment.
Potters eyes flickered in bewilderment. Draco could feel his body temperature rise just watching the other boys nervous, slight movements, as Potter tried not to show how unsettled he was by the increasing mystery of their situation. Dumbledore was watching them both with an expression of blithe unconcern. No one could look more supremely unaware than the headmaster, yet Draco was fully cognizant that Dumbledore knew everything that went on in Hogwarts one way or another. Once that door shut and locked, Draco half-suspected Dumbledore would know what went on behind it. He waited for the wizard to say more, but Dumbledore, apparently satisfied that everything was in order, was moving towards the door again. Draco and Potter eyed him, utterly confused.
Um&sir, Potter began politely. I dont understand what were supposed to do.
Just what youve been doing, Harry. Ill be back for you in an hour. The headmaster beamed at them once more. Good luck. Then he turned and left, locking the door behind him.
Potter turned to Draco, his eyes flickering with indignation and alarm. What the hell is he wanting us to do?
Well, let me see, Potter, youre his favorite son, you cant figure out, but you expect me to know? Draco went to his favorite armchair and sat in it cross-legged, a stiff frown on his face.
Maybe he wants us to & Potter began looking around the room for clues.
Maybe he wants us to sit right here and not kill each other, Draco said boredly. Secretly, he was rather excited. An hour of forced confinement with Potter. Nothing else to distract them. It had&possibilities.
Potter stopped, straightened, and looked back at Draco, an expression of dawning horror creeping over him. Just to be in the same room with one another, alone? What&what kind of punishment is that?
Apparently a damn good one, from the way youre acting. Draco faked a stifled yawn.
Thats crazy. Dumbledore should know it wouldnt work. Potter was pacing the room in agitation.
Depends on what hes trying to do, Draco smirked from behind him, pleased that Potter was freaking out over the prospect of being so conveniently stuck alone in the infamous snogging tower with Draco Malfoy, and also pleased that Potters pacing back and forth in front of him was allowing him such a good view of his firm, muscular body. Mmm& nice, Harry. Very nice.
God. Im ogling Harry Potters assets.
Well, they were nice assets.
Would they be as nice if they didnt belong to Potter??
&
A wave of confusion swept over him, and Draco shifted nervously in his chair. Potter stopped walking and sat down in the chair opposite Draco, glaring at him resentfully. Draco, pissed that Potter could be so open and honest earlier only to revert back to Self-Righteous Wonder Boy just because hed gotten himself detention with Draco, gave him a look with his raised eyebrow that said, so, thats how you want it? Fine.
He proceeded to ignore Potter.
They sat in silence for nearly twenty minutes.
Potter continued to fix him with that icy, resentful expression, and the longer he looked, the clearer it became to Draco that Potter wasnt just upset at him for the detention he didnt deservehe was sitting there, building up a litany of rage, based on everything. Every incident, every argument, every encounter, from the first day on the train to the Quidditch championship to the ferret incident to the previous days dueleverything Potter had ever felt for Draco was crossing his face, lined in his features, in the way his hands gripped the sides of the chair, which was nowhere near as fluffy or sturdy as Dracos and tended to rock unsteadily beneath him. The more Draco tried to avoid making eye contact with Potter, the more Potters gaze dared him to look, to meet the challenge of confronting Potters anger and confusion and frustration.
Draco withstood the glare for as long as he could.
What? he finally snapped at last, his voice breaking the silence so abruptly Potter jumped. What the hell are you doing, Potter?
Potter started, but answered calmly enough, his voice level, Im trying to figure out why a pathetic, malicious coward like you manages to occupy so much of my time.
Easy to pretend that didnt sting. Draco sat rigidly upright in his chair and fought back. Thats your problem, Potter. You dont know real class when you see it or you wouldnt waste your time with Muggle-loving paupers and your know-it-all mudblood friend.
Why do you hate Muggles so much?
Why do you hate Purebloods?
I dont hate Purebloods, Potter seethed, rising from his seat in a burst of nervous energy. I hate you. As if to emphasize this fact he moved away from Draco and began pacing on the other side of the room.
Youre such a hypocrite, Potter. You act self-righteous because youre the Muggle lover and Im the narrow-minded snob, but you were the one who snubbed my friendship when I offered it.
Pardon me if I dont consider friendship offered in the form of an insult worth having.
Dracos eyes blazed, and he shot out of the armchair to confront Potter. The friendship of a Malfoy is never an insult.
Really? retorted Potter contemptuously. You only offered it to begin with because your coward of a father thought it would be good to befriend the boy who vanquished the Dark Lord. He stepped towards Draco, his fists clenched. When Voldemort returned, what would the friendship of a Malfoy been worth to me thenmy life??
Thats so typical, Potter, Draco sneered. Or have you never actually realized that not everything is about you?
Fuck. You, Potter burst out, his voice low and shaking with fury. Thats bullshit, and you know it. I cant help who I am, I cant help my fame, I cant help that Ive been marked for death since I was 18 months old! And you, you called me the hypocrite? Youd never even notice me if it werent for this. He swept his thick mop of hair angrily away from his forehead to reveal the scar. If not for that Id be just another nobody to you.
Draco let this sink in, raised his eyebrows, and replied quietly, his eyes fixed on Potters, Dont underestimate me, Potter. I dont choose my friends based on their birthmarks.
Noyou choose them on their ability to protect you. Youre just like Peter Pettigrew.
Thatthat little rat that screwed over your mum and dad? Draco recoiled in disgust, and Potter, genuinely surprised, stared at him. How dare you compare me to him!
You wouldnt think twice about betraying your best friend, Malfoy, Potter shot back.
You dont know me at all, Potter. Loyalty is something I pride. I dont expect you to understand what I meanyou didnt grow up the son of a Death Eater.
If loyalty to Voldemort is your idea of a virtue, Malfoy
Thats not what I meant! It was impossible to tell who was more upset. Whether he or Potter had closed in Draco didnt know, but they were now only inches away from each other, shouting in rage. Draco forced himself to unclench his fists, take a deep breath, and take a step back.
My loyalty is to my family. Not to Voldemort, he said, quietly but firmly.
It must have been the last thing Potter ever expected Draco to say. Completely taken aback, he fell silent for a long moment before gathering momentum again and demanding, Then why did you make that remark on the train about Muggles being next?
Because I
And what are Goyle and Crabbe if not your protection? Theyre not your friends, theyre your thugs.
I said what I said on the train to hurt you, Draco bit back, flinching a little at this admission. And I didnt choose Crabbe and Goyle for my friendsIve known them all my life. And Ill thank you not to insult them.
Potter was now completely baffled and making no attempt to hide it. He lapsed into a confused silence. Draco turned away in impatience and crossed his arms. Potter kept staringDraco could feel his eyes boring into the back of his robes. It made Draco feel not only uncomfortable but a little tingly too. Even with the endless night sky stretching over their heads, the room Dumbledore had put them in wasnt big enough to hold all that tension.
Stupid git had probably known that.
Stop trying to figure me out, Potter, Draco said uneasily a few minutes later, his back still turned. Potters mere physical presence beside him was unsettling to him at this moment.
Silence.
Several moments passed, and then Draco protested, I said, stop it. Its too late for that anyhow. You and I will always be at war.
There was another silence which Potters voice suddenly cut through, a little uncertainly. Thats what I hate about you, Malfoy. For all your intelligence you blindly accept what your family has taught you about the world. You never once stop to think that maybe, just maybe, youre being fed a great big lie, and that youre meant for something better than the destiny of your father.
You think just because Voldemort cant kill you, you can lecture me on the proper destiny of a wizard? Dracos voice was low and tense. He could feel Potter's eyes boring stubbornly into his back, trying to stare him into turning around.
I dont know why Voldemort couldnt kill me. No one does, Potter responded evenly. Im not saying that makes me special. Im saying you could really bewell, I mean, youre not a bad wizard in your own wayruthless&but&
Draco threw a derisive look over his shoulder. I could do great things if I joined your side, is that it?
Slowly Potter reached up, grasped Draco's shoulder, and tugged him gently around to face him, hesitating the whole time as if he expected to be hexed. Draco let him do it, though, and when they faced each other, Potter nodded once, seriously. He didnt seem to have the ability to do more than that, and he was obviously in shock that hed done that much. Draco couldnt help staring back at the way Potters eyes gleamed in the moonlight, their intensity rendering them brighter and more dangerous than ever.
Potter, are you asking me for your friendship? Draco tried to keep his voice flat.
Im asking you for nothing.
Ever the proud Gryffindor.
Ever the haughty Slytherin.
Draco found himself leaning in toward Potter just slightly, gradually, so that when he realized he was doing it, it made him jump back with a tiny start.
If you and I ever stopped being enemies youd have no one to prove yourself against, Potter. You may talk nicely about it now, because were stuck in this bloody tower together and you think you can stand me. But lets face it. You wouldnt want it any other way.
Potter trained a look on Draco that he would never forget.
You dont know me, he said softly. You dont know what I want.
Dracos eyes widened and he stepped back.
Harrys eyes narrowed and he stepped forward.
Dracos lips parted and his breath quickened. He kept his eyes fixed on Potters, steadying his nerves against them. He suddenly felt&
Well. He suddenly felt a lot of things.
Everything on the inside and the outside of Draco Malfoy suddenly seemed to freeze in time. Everything but Harry Potter, who suddenly loomed larger than life and seemed to be drawing closer to him with every second.
Draco could notwould not remove his eyes from Harrys. Let them stay there for eternity; he knew he would never be able to bring himself to stop staring down the Boy Who Lived, getting lost in those dark, impenetrable green depths. Shock rolled over him, wave after wave of an intense, physical feeling hed never had before, and yet he stayed on his feet.
He didnt know what was happening until it happened.
He reached up to Harrys forehead and brushed back his hair, tracing the scar with a long, slender finger, his eyes still trained on Harrys own. Do you really think this is the only thing that makes you special, Harry Potter?
Harry didnt blink. Im not special. He seemed to be drinking in Dracos gaze, as if he might figure out what to make of Draco by looking at him long enough.
Draco lowered his hand, but he didnt back away. Youre blind, he said coolly. I wouldnt be your enemy if you werent.
Harrys stare flickered at last, and he looked fleetingly over Draco before coming back to rest on his face. Whats so special about being your enemy, Malfoy? he said, his tone quiet, cautious, and a little edgy.
If you dont know that, you havent been paying attention, Draco replied, his eyes sweeping across Harrys features.
Harry took a step closer. They were exactly equal in height, and their foreheads nearly touched. Refresh my memory, he replied smoothly.
There are all kinds of benefits, Draco responded dizzily. He wantedhe neededto close that last remaining distance between them; it was driving him crazy, making him picture bizarre and unthinkable things. He seemed to be stuck in place, however, frozen to the spot, so close to Harry he could feel his breath melting on his own lips.
Such as&? Harry lifted his head and swallowed with enormous difficulty, and Draco found his eyes riveted to the arc and the curve and the shape of Harrys neck, wondering what it would be like to&
Magically, he closed the gap and found himself talking to Harrys ear lobe.
The&the Malfoys are very&powerful& he half-whispered. It takes someone with great powerand skill&to get to them&
Without ceremony Harry placed his fingertips lightly on Dracos arm. So Im the only person whos able to get under Draco Malfoys skin?
The cloud around Draco cleared. Pointedly he looked down at Harrys hand on his arm, then back up to Harrys face. This wasnt thinking: this was dangerous, and he liked it.
And Im the only person who can make you want it.
Complete silence.
At the exact moment Draco found his hand creeping up to rest on Harrys arm, he found Harrys chest leaning lightly against his own. Harry locked eyes with Draco and moved into his embrace as if he had no choice about it. Draco heard a tiny, sharp hitch in Harrys breathingor was it his own?and everything stopped but the beating of his heart. Slowly Draco brought his mouth near Harrys lips and paused, waiting as their bodies rose and fell against each other, aware that something had changed, was changing, would change everything.
It happened in an instant. Draco moved to brush his mouth against Harrys own, and found that Harry was there before him. Their lips met in a jolt of surprise, and they froze in awkwardness, eyes wide and afraid, before Draco tentatively pressed against the other boys mouth, feeling a tremor of response from Harry. He closed his eyes, just seeing Harrys eyelids flicker shut, and suddenly something took him over, and he was lost, completely lost, in the sensation of running his tongue gingerly over Harry Potters soft, nervous lips. He gripped Harry closer, felt him shudder in response, and pulled his mouth into his, harder this time, tasting his delicious confusion and growing desire. Their tongues fought and stroked and did battle, Harrys finally winning as he maneuvered Dracos mouth beneath his own, plunging his tongue deep inside of him as if he wanted to conquer Draco and never let him go. Draco heard himself gasp with shock, surprise, and pleasure. Nothing, no kiss in his life, had ever felt this goodnot this exciting or dangerous or thrilling, and certainly not this&complete.
My God& Thisthis is what Ive wanted all this time&
Draco felt Harry go rigid in his arms, and knew the part of his brain he was trying desperately to shut out had made itself heard in Harrys, asking him just what the fuck they thought they were doing. Draco was terrified for what would happen, what he might think, do, say, or feel, once Harrys lips had parted from his, and so he did the only thing sensible in the momenthe tried to keep it going. He tightened his grip around Harrys middle and deepened his kiss as he ran his hand feverishly over Harrys face, touching and caressing Harrys hot, flushed cheeks. He felt the other boys palm sliding smoothly down his body as Harry scrambled for more of Draco, licking and tasting and biting Dracos lips and tongue with as much desperation as desire. The effect on Draco was unbelievable. He wanted to moan; he wanted to dominate Harry, touch Harry, be good to Harryhe wanted to throw Harry down on the floor and fuck him senseless. He
He heard a knock outside the door.
At once their eyes flew open and they split apart with the speed of Firebolts. The headmaster didnt come in right away; had he done so the strange and exhilarating feeling Draco was experiencing at the moment would probably have been forever extinguished. When Dumbledore entered at last, the two of them were backed far apart, a chair had been unceremoniously knocked over, and both were gasping for air.
Your detention is over, Dumbledore stated simply, blithely disregarding the scarlet red, horrified faces of his two hostages. You both may leave.
Harry and Draco stared at him blankly, doing their best to avoid looking at each other.
Dumbledore ignored their obvious discomfort, and repeated, You are free to go.
There was another shocked moment of silence, and then at once they fled. When they reached the door they flung it open and then stood dumbly on the landing of the staircase outside, realizing they would have to walk down the corridor together.
Draco would rather do anything than look at Harry right now. Shock, confusion, and fear coursed through him, and somehow he dreaded looking at Harry for fear he might see the same emotions echoed in his features.
He couldnt look at Harry. He had to look at Harry. It didnt happen. It hadnt happened. He didnt want ever to be reminded of it again. Never. Ever.
But.
Almost against his will he turned and looked at Harry, who was standing very still, looking back at him as though his world had just toppled and left him stranded with only Draco to help him make sense of it.
Only Draco couldnt help him, and he wasnt about to try.
Draco swallowed and moved down the stairs past Harry Potter without a word.
______
Thank you, Veronica, for introducing me to Space Team Electra, an incredible Denver-based band you�ve never heard of, and the provider of the chapter title and quote, from the song �Luminous Crush.� Check them out. And thank you so much to everyone who's encouraged me and been nice to the story! You are all wonderful beyond words.