you were sleeping next to me - i might as well have been alone

my life is so hard. RSS feeds are so confusing. They randomly break entries across columns and don’t display comments and it is all very disorienting. At least these aren’t cutting off posts, though? I am using Sage.

Some of you guys were confused b/c I was updating Journalfen and not this, even though I said I would be at wordpress. I apologize - I didn’t really feel like the two spastic updates I made there about Ikasucon were enough to really warrant posting here. I feel like I should only post here when I have something incredibly witty or at least incredibly involved to say. Which means i probably will just wind up not posting much at all.

I was afraid that by moving from LJ to JF I would be indulging in a side of myself I don’t like to indulge in all that often, because as much as we all like journalfen, it is the wank community. And quite unintentionally, I feel like all I’ve done this past week is be wanky and insecure. It is a community - but it’s not a community that makes me feel safe, not a community that feels like home.

This isn’t much of an update either - I don’t have anything witty or entertaining to report. It’s been a long, long week. I’m still feeling good about leaving LJ, because every report I read about what’s happening there just makes me sadder and sadder - but a little aimless, on the whole. I keep trying to make filtered posts and then being all when i realize i can’t. Orphne asked me to let cravat.org expire last month and now when you go to her journal there is literally nothing there, this white blank page of broken image links. Orphne’s dead journal is the perfect representation of how i feel right now.

Lately I am sort of wishing I weren’t so principled. I wish I weren’t always terribly eager to do the right thing right now! - that it wasn’t so important for me to take stands against things. But it is important, and I do take stands. Which leads to people thinking I am wanky, and burning t-shirts (which I maintain was a completely overhyped thing, I mean honestly, remixes?) and exiling myself from my own much-loved LJ. And who knows what else in the future?

But sometimes it does lead to good things, very good things. I like who I am, and while i suffer the embarrassment, every once in a while, of looking foolish and impetuous - I also do good things and I voice my beliefs. And in the meantime, I still have fandom and I still have things to share with people, and that won’t change whether or not I have livejournal.

I do have great hopes of turning Wordpress into a really useful archive. I wish very much that the organizational methods of said archive did not include “put a bunch of spaces in the title”, lolol D: - but I have hopes. I am imagining the 500 harry/draco recs from my journal catalogued and sorted and summarized here, the way they are at this wordpress blog, for example. THAT IS SO HOT. SO VERY VERY HOT.

now i just have to, uh, figure out how to install plug-ins so i can thread comments here.

So I feel like I should update updates from the conference etc etc, but to do this properly requires pictures. My camera is sadly in my car, so I will just tell you that I had a great time at my first-ever anime con, even if the programming was a bit lacklustre (HP fandom has spoiled me forever, I suspect) and I was only there for one day. I got a Ryoma plushie keychain! And I finally got to see DDR! And the Yaoi panel, which I volunteered to mod at the last minute, was fantastic and they invited me back next year and moms and daughters hugged me! It was seriously awesome. And I really wanted to go to the panel on Gankutsuouu, which i think I am making Epon watch, only it was on Sunday when we left. Alas.

ALSO I GOT 30.5, aka the prince of tennis artbook, aka the most beautiful thing in existence. Or at least it was the most beautiful thing in existence until Daisy sent me a care package of stuff. I opened it and just stared. She sent me a sushi eraser. I need to say that again. She sent me a sushi eraser, along with the most beautiful doujinshi i’ve ever seen, which renewed my firm vow to learn Japanese (I can see Franzi throwing things at me from behind her monitor) - and this pair of Akira and Hikaru pins that I HAVE BEEN WEARING EVERYWHERE. I WORE THEM TO WORK UNTIL I REALIZED PEOPLE WERE STARING AT ME and i’d kind of pinned them too close together so the Hikaru was standing way too close, all HEH POSSESSIVE :D of Akira, and when i realized how it looked i sheepishly pinned them on the inside of my purse, which means i clearly need a new purse where I can, at the very least, pin them on the outside! AND! and and and and and, most amazing of all, she sent me Namida no Furusato. I just stared and stared and I have been playing it over and over and over. I forgot how much better music sounds in my car when it’s not being channeled through a low frequency ipod channel. I can’t remember the last time I actually listened to something that wasn’t bump of chicken on my ipod; when the sounds started flying out I was actually started at the clarity. OH WONDERFUL BUMP OF CHICKEN. wonderful wonderful wonderful.

If I could, I would make a fandom community where, like, English fangirls could write embarrassing fangirl letters to Asian pop stars and have Asian fangirls translate them for us. I would write one letter every week to bump of chicken. I think my first letter would just be like ILU ILU ILU ILU SO MUCH SO MUCH SO MUCH in huge marker script. And I would also write to Kimeru. Oh, Kimeru! And Rie fu. And maybe Shirota. but definitely those three I would write them over and over again. Sam would get upset that I was ignoring Ueda-chan. He has Ryo, I would say. He doesn’t need my lame affection. Yet somehow I can’t but feel a band called Bump of Chicken (a wonderful wonderful sublime mesmerizing enthralling band!) needs all the retarded affection it can get.

Have been finally going through and adding journals to RSS feed today, using Sage as i said. There are all these posts i hadn’t read and i feel REALLY CLOSE TO YOU GUYS RIGHT NOW. I love it when my friends are happy, and excited about things. Yay.

The damning question now is: do I rss feed communities. :| I’m already overwhelmed by like, the 50 LJ’s I’ve added so far - but it’s really nice to see you all.

I’ve also just discovered that Jackie’s livejournal breaks my RSS feed. i feel this says so much about our relationship.

oh, and just to make sure i don’t forget about what’s really important: