This post is emo and long, but at least it’s a post.

I’ve been trying to make a real update to this thing for 2 days and I keep getting sidetracked. I hate the web format of Wordpress, but when I try to write the entry using Semagic I just get stalled because I’m not writing for LJ.  Also I have 50 million pictures to sort through and organize, and when did writing an LJ entry start to feel like so much work?

Today I have no hot water, because apparently the hot water heater in my apartment house is broken.  I have an interview for a job at an international company on Friday and I have every expectation that when I walk in they are going to look at me and go “LOL” and shoo me out again.  If I get it, I keep having the expectation that it means I will have to act like an adult, no more faffing about acting as young as the kids I tutor.  I will have to have a briefcase. I will have to go on business trips. I will have to stop using the word “like” all the time.  No more laughing inappropriately in public places.

 Needless to say, this terrifies me.  I just keep thinking about how a dear friend of mine felt when she was getting ready for law school, how she kept thinking she was turning into someone she wasn’t sure if she liked.   I don’t want to turn into an adult and then drop offline forever.   Thankfully, I have a feeling that if I ever get delusions of stuffiness Sam will be there to throw a sheep at me on Facebook.

 She made me get Facebook, by the way, and astonishingly it’s the most instantly addictive crack I’ve ever seen.  It’s like J-pop, distilled as a giant one-page glitter meme.   If you wondered why Shirota Yuu was trying to friend you, well, now you know.   If you have a facebook and I find out that you haven’t friended your good friend Shirota~an~ well, I will just have to spam you with Bump of Chicken pictures until you capitulate.

I told Epon that all I have to update about lately is Bump of Chicken and it’s so true. I love them so much it is criminal. I finally opened my “learn to read and write Japanese the Manga way!” books, lolol, after having them for a year, because I was spurred on by images of me writing fangirl letters to Fujiwara Motoo. :( :( :( :(   They have a new single out. It is gorgeous. It’s almost so gorgeous it does nothing for me, the way I’m sure Michelangelo’s boyfriend must have felt at one point: “oh, okay, so you sculpted the Pieta, yeah, yeah, what else is new.  But hey, how about this beer, I bet you can’t drink it through your nose!“  Except of course Bump of Chicken can totally drink beer through their nose.  They are so wonderful. :(

They also have another song called “Name of the Flower” which some bright soul must have uploaded somewhere but which I cannot find anywhere short of looking on LJ.  And. Well. LJ. :(

I miss LJ so much.  And the frustrating thing is that professionally everywhere I look for a motivated career path, I see “send us blog samples!” and “experience blogging preferred” or whatever, and I have no idea why suddenly my having a popular online blog seems like such a good career asset, but it does. D: So I keep, like, trying to make it look like I STILL HAVE an active livejournal, haha, without actually wanting anyone to see what’s ON my livejournal.  I am such a nutcase, I swear. If anyone has been paying attention, I keep going through and unlocking posts and then locking them again, lolol.

 The ironic thing, again, is that once I am no longer working with kids, I most likely won’t give a fuck who knows about the contents of bookshop.livejournal.com. 

And I really miss LJ.  Really. :(  I thought I would last longer than this, but I keep telling myself that if there are professional reasons to go back, and I believe that there are, then I should just say fuck it and do it.

I need to stay gone a while longer, though, I think.  Maybe I will think about coming back after Christmas.  And maybe by that point Scribblit or somewhere will be open and there will be a decent alternative location to come back too.

It won’t be like Livejournal, though.  

I am so emo this morning. It’s because I have no hot water and couldn’t take a cold shower this morning and had no heat and my phone broke (but then I fixed it) and I have to buy grown-up clothes for my job interview on Friday and no matter what the thought of giving two week’s notice fills me with fear, and because there is a new bump of chicken song out there and i can’t hear it. :(

and because i miss everyone.

 There are happy things! Job hunting! and FALL :D  and lots of DDR and dancing and healthy things and traveling and meeting new people like Quaedam who is my person to worship right now because her art is amazing and her brain is staggering and she likes The Idiot,  which no one has read but me and Rach.   And there are new seasons! Especially new season of Bones, which is my favorite thing on tv right now, and the Death Note dub, lolol Gaius, and the BSG miniseries, lolol Gaius. :D

And I miss you guys!  Tell me how you are doing - email me or comment here or something.  I know I have sucked about answering email but I hope everyone is doing well and I hope that everyone is happy.  I MISS YOU ALL.

Perhaps now that I have gotten the initial update off my chest I will be able to make a proper update next time, spamming you with blurry phone pics until you wish you could defriend me.  Twice. <3