chilly chilly is the evening time, but waterloo sunset’s fine.

My real life relationships, all of them, romantic or semi-platonic or the fuzzy area in between, have ended in unequivocal, unmitigated disaster of one kind of another. They don’t just end, they end, more or less, in ruin. As a result, rather than subject myself to yet another instance of failing to love another human being half as well as I manage to love the fictional relationships in my head, I suspect that I more or less fall in love with ships instead of people, anymore. I suspect it’s a coping mechanism of sorts. I think, selfishly, that as coping mechanisms go, there are far worse ones I could cultivate.

Harry/Draco is roughly equivalent to The One, whose first name I never say; the one I am over, except for how once every five years or so I find myself thinking about him and it all comes flooding back like it was yesterday. H/D was The OTP, the one you don’t get over, the one you never really move on from. H/D is the ship that burned its way through my heart and changed everything. H/D took years to recover from and probably required therapy. H/D is still reaching out and coiling itself around my heart. This is us, HP fandom. We’ll never be quits. Never.

But oh, then there was Tezuka/Ryoma. And if H/D was The One, Tenipuri was that unexpected, robust passion that comes into your life when you least expect it. Prince of Tennis was this new, joyous love that I never ever expected and didn’t quite know what to do with. And if, when it was over, I realized it was a perfectly clean break, nothing left, then I had no lingering regrets either. We parted with fondness and wished each other well, and I smile whenever I look back now. I remember how in love I was then, and I laugh that I was so head over heels for something so fleeting. But how could I have been anything else? It was wild and wonderful and unforgettable.

Somewhere in there, McShep and I kept having these sordid flings in back alleys, where I gorged myself on all the fic I could find with a vague sense of self-loathing, because I should know better than to fall for such a cocky, arrogant, acerbic ship. McShep thinks it’s just such hot shit. Well, let me tell you, McShep, I’ve looked into the soul-blazing clear eyes of Tezuka’s all-blinding rainbow-colored love for Ryoma, and I can tell you I know from soulbinding, and you, McShep, you and I, we’re just not compatible. Not at all. Ugh, you’re so vain and smug and –we’re just not — oh my god is that a coffeeshop AU? *MAKES OUT WITH*

And then, and then, Akira/Hikaru. Akira/Hikaru, who makes me tea when I am sad and fluffs my pillows and allows me a safe place to hide my head in. Akira/Hikaru, the kid next door who’s always there for you, your best friend and more, the one who waits for you to grow up, the one you take for granted until it’s stealing your breath and breaking your heart; and all you can think is that you want to keep this, this feeling inside you, with you forever, locked somewhere secret and safe, so that the two of you can always be together.

________

I kind of don’t want to write fic for Inception. I kind of want to just keep enjoying everyone else’s passion, letting it envelop me but still breeze right by me. I was never really happy with any of the fanfic I wrote for Prince of Tennis, because I feel like I was too giddy in love with the subject to be uninvested enough to write anything good. I am alarmed at my own level of investment in Inception fandom. Maybe it’s just a summer fling, but it doesn’t feel the way the others do–not Kradam or Merlin or House or Death Note, where the superficial appeal was obvious but the investment was never more than half-hearted. No, this feels more like that giddy, joyous insouciant thing that I’ve only felt with Tenipuri (and maybe with That Guy, the one with the long slender fingers and the off-key singing, who made me weak-kneed and heartstricken when I was too young to know what to do with the feeling).

I kind of don’t want to tackle Mr Eames, with his beautiful mouth and his expressive eyes and his face that goes haunted when you least expect it, so quickly you think maybe you imagined it. I’m kind of afraid he’ll break my heart. I’m kind of afraid Arthur, beautiful Arthur with his frowns and his straight lines and clean angles, will mystify me to exhaustion. I’m kind of afraid I’m projecting (lol projection). Maybe it’s okay to sit this one out. Or maybe I’m just intimidated. Or tired.

Then again, maybe I’m relating just a little too hard to Eames, forever, cheerfully, holding out his hand to Arthur, with utterly no expectation and no hope of return. There’s something cold and ultimately so sad in that metaphor.

Especially when I bring it back around full circle and apply it to myself.

_________

(All this navel-gazing aside–just like Eames, there’s nowhere else, right now, I’d rather be. ♥)

eta, 8/25/10: as stunned as I am to say it, it seems to be real, and not a dream:
- there is actually now beautiful, gorgeous-beyond-description fanart based on this post by ;
- and there is actually now heartbreaking, glorious, painful, amazing fanfic based on this post & comments by .

Please, please go gaze/read and give the creators your love. ♥

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Cathy has stepped out, perhaps I can make this post behind her back

OKAY, fandom. Arthur/Eames.

I want to believe. But I don’t.

Specifically, I believe Eames is IN LOVE FOREVER. But Arthur……………….. I just don’t see it.

Namely because in my head Arthur is a complete wreck and unable to trust or accept affection freely given without ulterior motive; which is WHY EAMES WOULD BE SO GOOD FOR HIM if he could only realize that! But in my head he can’t!

So. CONVINCE ME? Anyone? Tell me why I’m wrong?

Because omg I love them together. I want it to be real.

______

Cathy: i hope inception becomes the new SGA
Cathy: where you can make up requests and people FIND THEM
Aja: I WOULD LOVE FOR INCEPTION TO BECOME THE NEW SGA, CATHY
Aja: IT WOULD BE LIKE MILES AND MILES OF EPIC AUs WHERE EAMES OWNS A JUNK SHOP OR A COFFEE HOUSE OR A KITE SHOP OR A PET STORE
Aja: AND ARTHUR IS THE IRASCIBLE OUT-OF-TOWNER WHO CAN’T STAY AWAY
Aja: AND THEN THEY FALL IN LOVE AND BANTER A LOT AND IT’S GREAT
Cathy Yang: and yusuf is a barista D: or a cat
Aja: NO YUSUF IS THE LANDLORD OR THE OWNER, BECAUSE THIS IS A NEW FANDOM, A POST-RACEFAIL FANDOM
Cathy: no, that’s saito
Aja: SAITO IS THE RICH NEIGHBOR WHO MATCHMAKES THEM AND HAS LIKE A CRAZY MANSION WITH HIS HUSBAND COBB
Cathy Yang: asd/flkjal;sklje;talkjr i hate this vision of the new fandom >:(
Aja: well and there are also the thousands and thousands of Projections Make Them Do It fics in store for us *__*
Cathy: a;sdjf;askjt;lkejr a;lgkja;elrkaj;lkjdf that’s it
Cathy: i’m going to flounce this fandom even though i haven’t even joined it
Aja: of course you have
Cathy: false!!
Aja: you have spent the last week talking to me about robert and linoleum and GIRL ARTHUR AND HORIZONTAL LIMBOS
Cathy: it is true
Cathy: but no one else knows
Cathy: except you and me

________

oh, um. OOPS?

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3 THINGS THAT ARE MADE OF *COMPLETE JOY* for your Monday Morning

in no particular order because they’re all so freaking great, i can’t even. *flail*

Thing #1: RODNEY MCKAY’S TEACHING PAGE AT ‘RATE MY PROFESSORS’. This is, of course, based off the one and only “Bell Curve.” You guys, there are 5 pages of reviews. FIVE PAGES! kldfj;das. I think the very last review, on page 5, is my favorite. <333333

Thing #2, stolen from beatonna: KATE BEATON’S GUEST COMIC AT PENNY ARCADE HAS MADE MY LIFE COMPLETE. Oh, Gabe. dkajfd. I just. *waves hands around*

Thing #3: ROBERT DOWNEY, JR. WANTS YOU TO KNOW THAT HE “LOVES. EVERY. SINGLE. HOMES/WATSON FAN. HOW COULD YOU NOT BE ATTRACTED TO THAT?”

*_______*

WHERE TO BEGIN, WHERE TO BEGIN.

if i had a bonus Thing, it might, possibly, be this fic, except that would mean i – no. no, it’s nothing, just ignore. um. actually i’m just gonna strike this out, it never happened

_____
You can also read this entry on Dreamwidth, where there are currently comments!

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MCSHEP.

oh my god, i said i wasn’t going to do this, i said i wasn’t going to inflict the random mcshep spazzout i’ve been having upon LJ, because you guys do not need me getting my sga hangups all over you, okay.

but like. i’ve been stalking Cate’s journal and looking at all the promo screencaps from late S5, none of which i’ve seen before, and sdklfja;fdks i just. what is this, this picture:

fksd;jkldjkld;jk ARE THEY PAIR BONDING, LOOK AT THEM FOR REAL

ADJFKLJ;FDJDKL god, lol.

After like Take 10 the director of this scene just gives up asking JFlan to stay with his feet planted firmly on the X two feet to his left and is just like, *HANDWAVE* WHATEVER, I GET IT, YOU’RE IN LOVE.

eta2: ALSO LOL I LOVE JASON’S EXPRESSION BEHIND THEM, ronon’s just like ‘please don’t ever stand that close to me, mckay, i don’t care how much death we’re about to get.’

eta:

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if the ship i sing doesn’t also bring

Yesterday, I read ‘s amazing “Sheppard’s Law,” which I had been putting off for some unknown and ungodly reason. If you haven’t read it and you’re at all a fan of SGA (or even if you aren’t), you absolutely shouldn’t miss it, because it’s long and fantastic and amazingly plotted and heartwrenching and awesome. Afterwards, I wrote a story tag which you can read here if you want – but it’s very much connected to the fic so you definitely want to read the fic first.

(Mostly I am only posting about this because I think ‘To Say Nothing of the Dogtag’ is the greatest title ever. Everrrrr. copinggoggles will agree with me.)

Tonight I took a plunge I’ve been thinking about for many years, and bought a tablet!!!!!! A Wacom Bamboo, nothing fancy. I am not an artist by any means, I am buying it solely to mess around with and maybe remember how to draw at roughly the level I was at in 7th grade, lol–because I ..haven’t really drawn at all since then.

Anyway, I did something messy and artistic with my tablet and Artpad

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and then, randomly, there was a McShep Primer on your flist.

So, I realized last night that I had literally forgotten to post this back in September when I made it. It’s kind of dry and there is not enough picspam, but that’s okay, because we’re all adults, we don’t need shiny pictures to help us through lots of text, right? Right? Okay, whatever, just pretend like you read it.

I also realized that nearly every SGA writer I talk about on this list has now (thank you jesus yes) gotten into Merlin fandom. So I wanted to post these author recs, because even if you aren’t into SGA, you are going to want to follow them around blindly and devotedly begging them to write more Merlin fic for all of us.

A PRIMER FOR A SHOW PAIRING THAT’S REALLY STUPID, REALLY GAY, REALLY OVER …or, How to ease yourself into McShep before you know what’s hit you.

I just always sort of assume everybody knows about Stargate:Atlantis and John and Rodney, because how can you not? Then Myra will be like “which one’s which, again?” and my world will reconfigure itself.

Forgive me if I don’t spend too much time (or any) time going over who the characters are and why you should like them. Really, there’s only one thing you need to know about Stargate: Atlantis and the McShep pairing, and that is the following:

PART ONE: McSHEP. Which will inevitably take over everything one day, like kudzu.

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Protected: LIFE

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Protected:

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