Protected: OPEN YOUR MOUTH, OPEN IT WIDE :D
T
Guh. GUH.
I had this post, what, I don’t even know what I was going to talk about five seconds ago because just right now at this second all I want to talk about is
Read MoreIt’s Bad Musicals Friday! :D
L excerpt from Pride & Prejudice: The Musical with music & lyrics by Rita Abrams.
I wish you joy with all my heart and from this moment may it start /
And maybe ardor that lights up your eyes like sunlight in a thousand skies!
Because nothing says “elegant social satire” like theoretical wishes for theoretical ardor in theoretical skies, set to a synthetic drum beat!
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Rebecca: The Musical, lyrics by Michael Kunze and music by Sylvester Levay. Kunze and Levay have written several musicals and Rebecca, which was originally produced in Vienna, is his most popular. It’s been, erm, translated into English by Christopher Hampton, and I have no comment on the original lyrics, but the English version with Levay’s music. Well. Let’s just take a listen, shall we?
. Because nothing says GOTHIC SUSPENSE THRILLER like a slow, relaxed, whole-scale melody in a major key combined with lyrics that spoil the entire musical. Throwing a line like “but our love will never die!” into the mix sort of ruins the whole ‘is he or isn’t he still in love with rebecca’ mystery that forms the basis of the whole plot. Maybe it’s just me, but I like my suspense thrillers to actually, oh, contain suspense? And also I like for musicals to have music that doesn’t suck
but possibly when you’ve watched six Tenimyu productions you forfeit the right to complain on that front. -
Closer to Heaven, aka The Pet Shop Boys musical. Props to Neil Tennant and the gang for not wanting to pop out yet another pop musical on regurgitated songs, but, well. Erm. Here’s the opening sequence, “My Night.”
…so basically, musicals are things where people produce noises and movements that may occasionally resemble singing and dancing, and nothing happens. I get it. It’s your life. You can do it. You’re going to light up the night like fireworks. Please do not think this bears any resemblance to plot.
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Emma: The Musical! Lyrics by, uh, some guy whose last name is Gordon, I’ve seen his name listed differently in three different places, I give up.
oh, my, ? What about with the HORRID british accents, especially from the Mr. Knightley in this production, lol. And a score that contains mostly useless songs with airy melodies and lyrics. There is at least some attention given in this show to making the music have something to do with the plot, which is a step up from the other shows on this list, but still so far from being satisfactory that after trying twice i’ve still not finished listening to this album all the way through, haha. Especially, all the Austenian dialogue is left up to the book, and since the dialogue is where the plot happens, the score comes across as flighty and substanceless. Also, the funniest line in the score, “but my brother and your sister have three children, it’s – confusing!” is promptly ruined by the sappiness of the lyrics that follow, something about grace and smiles and silly tripe like that. Andrew Davies would not approve!
If you’re going to adapt Austen as a musical, why not at least *attempt* to Adapt the language of Austen to music? It has a rhythm and a grace and a musicality all its own, I don’t think I’m asking for the moon.
AND YET, my favorite Austen novel suffers mercilessly. OH, JANE, WE NEED YOU MORE THAN EVER.(the writer of the above also wrote the musical Jane Eyre. Oh, goody. I’m sure that will be Gothic!)
Anyone else? Feel like sharing any hilariously bad musicals?
___
And while I’m snarking about theatre, here’s a quick top 5 list, courtesy of last week’s SETC auditions
Top 5 things not to do at a professional audition:
5. Don’t repeat last year’s performance. I REMEMBER YOU AND I’M UNIMPRESSED.4. Don’t steal your performance from someone who auditioned last year. I REMEMBER YOU, AND I REMEMBER THEM, AND I’M COMPARING YOU TO THEM AND THEY’RE WAY BETTER, AND YOU’RE UNORIGINAL.
3. Don’t steal your performance from Adam Lambert’s American Idol audition, or any of his songs for American Idol, or any of his songs from Upright Cabaret.* HONEY, NONE OF YOU ARE ADAM LAMBERT. IT’S BETTER NOT TO EVEN TRY.
2. Don’t do a monologue or sing a song that makes mention of pee. You would think that this would be one of those self-evident things that requires no explanation, and yet. And yet.
1. Don’t sing a song that has the line “I’m your Hebrew slave!” honestly. … I mean. HONESTLY.
*In fact, here’s a thought: DON’T RIP OFF SOMEONE ELSE’S PERFORMANCE STYLE AT ALL. again, one of those things you’d think would be self-evident. and yet. and yet.
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ONTD AI Charity Auction Continues!
Okay, so! I seem to be surrounded by CRAZY PEOPLE who are still contacting me to bid for things even though the auction is officially over! So, OKAY, let’s do this!
Donate to ONTD_AI’s charity campaign for Adam Lambert & DonorsChoose.org!
For $30 or more:
- I’ll write you a 3,000-word fanfic in any of the fandoms listed here
For $20 or more:
– I’ll beta or critique one piece of fiction for you, original or fanfic (provided I’m familiar with the fandom), up to 15,000 words.
For $10 or more:
- I’ll write a 500-1,000-word fanfic in any of the fandoms listed here
where you can read my fanfic:
1. fic tag.
2. memories.
3. NQR.
4. delicious.
5. Yuletide.
your auctionee
- I have years of fic beta experience, for authors including , , and . <3
- I have freelanced as a writer and editor on and off over the years, (writing example here; editing example here)
- I was a professional theatre/arts reviewer for 3 years (example here).
Note: You may have to wait for a bit because there’s a bit of a backlog just at the moment (to put it mildly!), and I have a week of grunt slavery due to who won me at auction lol, but after that, I’ll gladly beta for you, or give you a writing critique.
Read MoreIT’S THE ONTD AI CHARITY AUCTION!
The time has come, and the /Donorschoose.org Charity Auction is open for business! DDDD
WHAT YOU CAN WIN IF YOU BID FOR YOURS TRULY:
Offer 1: FIC SLAVERY. for this bid, I promise to write and finish anything you want in the following quantities: up to 5 fics of app. 2500 words each or one fic of approximately 12,500 words.
Offer 2: ONE WEEK OF GRUNT SLAVERY. For one week, I’ll do any/all of the following for you granted the time: beta up to 3 of your fics in any fandom I’m familiar with (which gives you a wide range), edit them for SPAG, make general writing critiques, or do live beta chats with you, um, make icons for you, lol.
Starting bid for each offer is $15!
The auction for fic is here!
The auction for beta work, etc. is here!
DATES DATES DATES
Tuesday, September 1st, 11:00am EST – Auction opens
Monday, September 7th, 11:00pm EST – Auction ends
Monday, September 14th – Payment due
Hurry, hurry! Now is your chance to make me write anything you want. You may never get a better offer than this one!
Oh, and don’t miss out on all the other amazing Author, Artist, and Vidder/Collab auctions going on now!
Read Morewhat have i doooooone
ou guys, I have signed up for ONTD_AI’s amazing incredible wonderful squee-worthy DonorsChoose.org Fandom Auction. I’ve never done one of these before! adkd; i hope someone bids on me, eek. And like I have already donated to one of Adam’s amazing music education project choices (I love him and i love ONTDAI for raising $20,000 even before the auction has started, oh man <33333) but after I donated I realized, that, like, I could take my donation and use it to bid on, like, or Shalott or omg i will be the fanauction strongarm mafia it’s going to be amazing i can’t wait DDDD
um anyway, my offer up for bid is here, and like, I am needy and I have not got a lot to offer Idol fandom except my pitiful love, haha, so i am making it open to all fandoms i’m active in. <3
Monday, August 31st – Deadline for author registration forms
Tuesday, September 1st, 11:00am EST – Auction opens
Monday, September 7th, 11:00pm EST – Auction ends
Monday, September 14th – Payment due
So, um, yeah. Bid on me, or on one of the other amazing amazing talented fanartists and authors! Donate for Adam! HELP THESE KIDS BUY GUITARS OH MY LORD
YES I AM SPAMMING YOU LJ OH MY GOSH I DON’T EVEN CARE
@
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