chilly chilly is the evening time, but waterloo sunset’s fine.

My real life relationships, all of them, romantic or semi-platonic or the fuzzy area in between, have ended in unequivocal, unmitigated disaster of one kind of another. They don’t just end, they end, more or less, in ruin. As a result, rather than subject myself to yet another instance of failing to love another human being half as well as I manage to love the fictional relationships in my head, I suspect that I more or less fall in love with ships instead of people, anymore. I suspect it’s a coping mechanism of sorts. I think, selfishly, that as coping mechanisms go, there are far worse ones I could cultivate.

Harry/Draco is roughly equivalent to The One, whose first name I never say; the one I am over, except for how once every five years or so I find myself thinking about him and it all comes flooding back like it was yesterday. H/D was The OTP, the one you don’t get over, the one you never really move on from. H/D is the ship that burned its way through my heart and changed everything. H/D took years to recover from and probably required therapy. H/D is still reaching out and coiling itself around my heart. This is us, HP fandom. We’ll never be quits. Never.

But oh, then there was Tezuka/Ryoma. And if H/D was The One, Tenipuri was that unexpected, robust passion that comes into your life when you least expect it. Prince of Tennis was this new, joyous love that I never ever expected and didn’t quite know what to do with. And if, when it was over, I realized it was a perfectly clean break, nothing left, then I had no lingering regrets either. We parted with fondness and wished each other well, and I smile whenever I look back now. I remember how in love I was then, and I laugh that I was so head over heels for something so fleeting. But how could I have been anything else? It was wild and wonderful and unforgettable.

Somewhere in there, McShep and I kept having these sordid flings in back alleys, where I gorged myself on all the fic I could find with a vague sense of self-loathing, because I should know better than to fall for such a cocky, arrogant, acerbic ship. McShep thinks it’s just such hot shit. Well, let me tell you, McShep, I’ve looked into the soul-blazing clear eyes of Tezuka’s all-blinding rainbow-colored love for Ryoma, and I can tell you I know from soulbinding, and you, McShep, you and I, we’re just not compatible. Not at all. Ugh, you’re so vain and smug and –we’re just not — oh my god is that a coffeeshop AU? *MAKES OUT WITH*

And then, and then, Akira/Hikaru. Akira/Hikaru, who makes me tea when I am sad and fluffs my pillows and allows me a safe place to hide my head in. Akira/Hikaru, the kid next door who’s always there for you, your best friend and more, the one who waits for you to grow up, the one you take for granted until it’s stealing your breath and breaking your heart; and all you can think is that you want to keep this, this feeling inside you, with you forever, locked somewhere secret and safe, so that the two of you can always be together.

________

I kind of don’t want to write fic for Inception. I kind of want to just keep enjoying everyone else’s passion, letting it envelop me but still breeze right by me. I was never really happy with any of the fanfic I wrote for Prince of Tennis, because I feel like I was too giddy in love with the subject to be uninvested enough to write anything good. I am alarmed at my own level of investment in Inception fandom. Maybe it’s just a summer fling, but it doesn’t feel the way the others do–not Kradam or Merlin or House or Death Note, where the superficial appeal was obvious but the investment was never more than half-hearted. No, this feels more like that giddy, joyous insouciant thing that I’ve only felt with Tenipuri (and maybe with That Guy, the one with the long slender fingers and the off-key singing, who made me weak-kneed and heartstricken when I was too young to know what to do with the feeling).

I kind of don’t want to tackle Mr Eames, with his beautiful mouth and his expressive eyes and his face that goes haunted when you least expect it, so quickly you think maybe you imagined it. I’m kind of afraid he’ll break my heart. I’m kind of afraid Arthur, beautiful Arthur with his frowns and his straight lines and clean angles, will mystify me to exhaustion. I’m kind of afraid I’m projecting (lol projection). Maybe it’s okay to sit this one out. Or maybe I’m just intimidated. Or tired.

Then again, maybe I’m relating just a little too hard to Eames, forever, cheerfully, holding out his hand to Arthur, with utterly no expectation and no hope of return. There’s something cold and ultimately so sad in that metaphor.

Especially when I bring it back around full circle and apply it to myself.

_________

(All this navel-gazing aside–just like Eames, there’s nowhere else, right now, I’d rather be. ♥)

eta, 8/25/10: as stunned as I am to say it, it seems to be real, and not a dream:
- there is actually now beautiful, gorgeous-beyond-description fanart based on this post by ;
- and there is actually now heartbreaking, glorious, painful, amazing fanfic based on this post & comments by .

Please, please go gaze/read and give the creators your love. ♥

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DRACO MALFOY!!!!

holy crap you are THIRTY YEARS OLD <3333333

i guess this just proves all boys grow up, even the ones I want so much to stay fifteen and squabbling and kicking Harry under the table in potions labs forever.

by coincidence, i just watched the cheesiest H/D video on earth and it made me ridiculously happy. i do not think there will ever be another pairing that continually, constantly, gets me in the gut the way this one does. It is like, no matter how far I travel or ramble or roam, H/D is always what I see when I turn back home. Or something. OTP forever.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DRACO <3333333333

___

eta: shall we have a Draco-centric recs day? LET'S.

You can also read this entry on Dreamwidth, where there are currently comments!

BRIGAND!

So: beatonna is a goddess among mere mortals who brings my life joy on a regular basis.

Have you guys seen the latest?

WHO IS GOING TO WRITE THE EPIC HARRY/DRACO PIRATE NEMESIS AU?

PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE *_*

_______

Also on el jay!

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TEAM BEWEECHGELICKHIJT.

1. finally i can announce that for the 2009 H/D Holidays challenge I wrote Trajectories for !

Quick ‘Trajectories’ faq:
Q. Aja, why did you write such a weird fic about portraits?
A. Two words: stick figure. That image=basis for the whole fic.
Q. Aja, why did you give this fic such a weird summary?
A. i hate making up real summaries and also i’m sorry but beweechgelickhijt is the coolest word ever! and it was relevant to the fic! stop giving me funny looks!
Q. Did you mean to put in so many throwbacks and references to old-school h/d fandom?
A. Yep. Except for the ones I put in accidentally. THE WHOLE FIC IS BASICALLY A GIANT HOMAGE TO a) Nocturne Alley and b) amalin. With a lot of self-references thrown in. (I AM A HOARY FANDOM CHESTNUT, I CAN PARODY MYSELF.)
Q. HOW DO YOU PRONOUNCE “BEWEECHGELICKHIJT?”
A. I have NO IDEA, we can’t find a pronunciation.

2. finally I can say thank you to TEAM BEWEECHGELICKHIJT, aka the best beta group everrrrrrr, omg: loftily, who provided the illusion that this fic was deep, two_if_by_sea, who made me figure out what the hell Draco Malfoy’s name was, arboretum, who provided the piles of newtons <3, thehoyden, who just got taken along for the ride, and samenashi, who didn’t actually do anything.

Recs + Help Haiti + H/D Holidays + fic blather

A.
syllic‘s thread is a steal, folks. She’s offering to write a fic of a minimum of 10,000 words in multiple fandoms. If you’ve read her writing you know what an opportunity this is. Go! OUTBID ME.

Other things I’m bidding on:
alestar‘s $5 drabble thread omg if you don’t take shameless advantage of this you are crazy.
spaggel‘s art thread, watch out, I am coming up behind you!
nickel_curry‘s art thread, which right now sajf;kldjf i am the only bidder and I PLAN TO KILL AND MAIM ANYONE WHO OUTBIDS ME OKAY, i am going to have Holmesian Theatre!!!!!
I’m also bidding for a Whip It Ruthless/Maven fic, which sprat has signed on to do, but if anyone else wanted to jump in to offer, well, that would basically be joy.

Reminder:
I’m offering a Tarot/Numerology reading here. Current bid $30.
I’m also offering a 3,000-5,000 word fic here. Fandoms include Hikago, H/D, Death Note, Sherlock Holmes, lots of others. Current bid is $120.

B.
There’s still a few more hours to read the fics before the big reveal! Go and enjoy! For the record, here’s my list of recs for the challenge in no particular order:

C. About my own fic, I want to say before the reveals (pretty sure mine has a flashing neon sign saying “AJA WROTE THIS” embedded in the page somewhere anyway) that I’ve rarely been so…deeply gratified by a challenge experience. Writing the fic was exhausting and difficult to a degree I have rarely experienced. I started out feeling drained of all inspiration and like I’d never write another H/D or HP fic again; by the time I had written the last word I felt like I’d just dragged myself through hell (with clubfive right there with me all the way, oh my god <3). Only I didn't feel drained anymore. I felt renewed.

After reveals, the reader response will shift ever so slightly into that place where you feel like you know what to expect from either the fic or from me--and the fic will either meet those expectations or it won't. So before reveals, it's important for me to say, to the readers who over the last three weeks came to my fic with no expectations whatsoever, your responses have meant so very much to me. Thank you.

(And if you want to guess which fic I wrote, all correct guesses get a drabble, or 5 questions asked me about any of my fics!)

<3

Dear friends list, let’s make a deal.

I will give you all of the following things, on a schedule, at least one fic a week for the next ten weeks:

- a ridiculous and probably terrible fic where the Slash Dragon matchmakes harry and draco, because he is a slash dragon and that is what they do
- a friday night lights drabble for arboretum, which will also be terrible because there is no way i will ever do justice to friday night lights or any of its cast members.
- the 2 h/d fics, 2 cookleta fics, and 2 kradam fics that i still owe wovenindelibly /o\ /o\ /o\ from the AI auction, eek
- um possibly a fic where john watson will never, ever, ever get drunk around sherlock holmes because it takes all he has just to resist him when he’s sober.
- the sequel to Trade, which i have promised keymash

In exchange, you will please link me to every sherlock holmes fanfic ever written.

Fic Rec: Draco Malfoy, It’s Your Lucky Day (It’s my Holiday gift for ME! I’m so HAPPY!)

Happy 2010, folks! I can think of no better way to kick it off than with an H/D fic rec!

Draco Malfoy, It’s Your Lucky Day, by Anonymous, is my gift, and everyone is reading it. And believe me, you should hop on that bandwagon like the ground’s on fire, because it is wonderful.

Here’s what my delicious rec says:

One of the things I love most about this fic is how vibrantly it captures the spirit of the original books, and how even though we’re in Draco’s head the whole time, it feels so much like something JKR would have written: all the action, misapprehension and misunderstandings, as well as mysteries, upsets, and adventure galore. ALSO THERE IS SNOWED-IN CABIN SEX.

*coughs* thought that might have got your attention.

SERIOUSLY, GO READ.

a few more h/d and yuletide recs for youuu!

• H/D, The Trouble with Good Sense by Anonymous.

  THIS FIC IS FANTASTIC. It’s hilarious and UST-filled and intense and engaging and charming and adorable, and did i mention HILARIOUS, oh my god i laughed so hard, and then my heart nearly pounded out of my chest from all the delicious tension.

  Potter blew out a breath and took Draco’s chin firmly in one hand. “I said hold still.” Draco did the next best thing: he froze. It was hard not to with five of Potter’s fingers warm on his face. And it was damned irritating to find himself accidentally following one of Potter’s orders. Potter touched his bruised eye gently with the damp cloth. It did feel good. Draco held still while the cloth made its way over his cheekbone, cooling the bruised skin there. Potter put the cloth down and rubbed ointment into the bruise with two fingers. Draco may have stopped breathing. A bit.

  Finally, Potter wiped off his hand and picked up his wand. He leaned in very close to Draco’s face, brows lowered in concentration. “All right. Don’t move or this will go pear-shaped.”

  And then Potter proceeded to breathe on him.

  I LOVE IT SO MUCH, and it seriously does not have nearly enough reviews, so I’d love it if more people ran over and read it (it’s an easy-to-munch 7,000 words!) and showed the author some love. ♥

  also this fic has the best line ever, “I DIDN’T RISE FROM THE DEAD TO BE LECTURED TO BY FASCISTS!” and i seriously am going to write fic where harry just goes around declaiming “I DIDN’T RISE FROM THE DEAD FOR (X ANNOYING THING!)”, just see if i don’t. scream. i love this fic. Also also, Kara adds, “omg this fic is full of canon detail metaphors, my favorite thing in fics ever. two Fwoopers with one stone! acting like I had the Bundimun Blight! sloshed house elf! WHY DOES NO ONE ELSE ADD THESE DETAILS INTO THEIR FICS, THEY MAKE ME INSTANTLY FALL IN LOVE.”

  GO, READ, I KNOW YOU WISH TO INSTANTLY FALL IN LOVE WITH US <33333

• Cinderella (fairy tales), for Yuletide. Ash the Stablehand, by Anonymous. Quick, clever, and elegant. I was suckered into loving this before I could stop myself.
• H/D, fanart rec, The Day Before the War, by Anonymous.

  I love the story that’s being told here. The art and the composition are gorgeous, but even more I love what this piece says about H/D. it’s one of the starkest portrayals of the transformative quality of this ship that I’ve seen in a while. It’s beautiful, and it made me teary.

• Friday Night Lights!!!! there is so much amazing FNL fic here at A03 that I’m a bit overwhelmed by it all. In fact–
• Read More
  Posted by bookshop on Dec 30, 2009 in fandom, h/d, recs, yuletide | 0 comments