Written for the GW Yaoi OTP contest.
Warnings: this fic contains yaoi, het and things in between. Some people may be squicked.

Becoming

The first time I saw Heero Yuy in a skirt, I was so shocked I almost passed out. Believe me, that was the last thing I would ever have expected; I'd have sooner believed that a troop of Ozzies had stripped to their skivvies and started dancing the can-can in the middle of the street. Okay, so at the time I didn't really know Heero all that well by my standards, but we were practically best buddies on the Heero scale of things. Antisocial was not the word for it, back then.

Back then � yeah, this was back during the war. We'd been doing our little terrorist bit down on Earth, until some scumbags decided that the best way to outwit us was to hold the Colonies hostage. So basically, we ended up heading out back into space. After all, the OZ space forces were causing a hell of a lot of problems, and with the whole Mobile Doll situation� eh, let's just say we were needed there, where we could make a difference. The pacifist nations of Earth were being overrun, but our first loyalties were always to the Colonies. And no one on Earth would have trusted us to betray them right then.

We ended up on L1 after a while, all five of us together in a crumbly old townhouse while we tried to work out what the hell we should be doing next. I was still struggling a bit with the injuries I'd picked up on my little foray into OZ custody, and Heero was still looking at me like he couldn't believe he'd let me live. Quatre spent most of his time immersed in political papers and intelligence reports from the Maguanacs, when he wasn't off with Trowa making music. And screwing like bunnies too, of course. Wu Fei was� grumpy. Probably just majorly pissed off to have to associate with the rest of us, really, and with no convenient enemy troops to take out his frustrations on.

Most of the time, I was bored. I'm not the strategist that Q is, and with no real missions coming in � I think that was about the time G got himself captured, the stupid old goat � I didn't have much to do. Trowa and Quatre were occupied with each other, and I knew better than to bother Wu Fei. Bothering Heero was� unproductive. The guy was just the ultimate master of ignoring anything he wasn't concentrating on, and heavily involved in a cosy little relationship with his computer.

So, I was bored. Drifting around the house looking for something to do. I tried watching TV, but all that was ever on was crappy soaps or government propaganda thinly disguised as 'informational programming.' Bastards. I swear, at least twice during the war I saw reports aired of Gundam attacks on Earth bases � while we were all five of us in space. Fuckers.

Anyway, in my state of apathy, was it any wonder that the sound of someone trying to be quiet caught my attention? There is nothing that stands out more than a little patch of silence where you expect the usual white noise of life; it's as bad as pinning a damn sign on your head. So, when a nice little clump of not-noise crept oh-so-quietly through the hall behind me as I was slumped in front of the TV, you can bet I paid attention. I just barely caught the click of the front latch, but that was enough. I was after him like a rocket � a very stealthy rocket, with maybe a few hyper jammers and a noise reduction system�

That was something I never could teach Heero, you know. If you don't want to stand out, you have to fit in. Act normal, act like you belong exactly where you are, and no one'll give you a second glance. I kept trying to explain it to him, but I don't think he believed me worth shit. The soldier in him looked at me and saw 'loud, hyper, unusual hairstyle' and equated that to 'distinctive.' He never did get that everyone else saw 'hyper teenage boy' and automatically assumed I was just some kid.

Anyway, I followed him out of the door at a discreet distance, just in time to see him wandering off down the street like he didn't have a care in the world. I kept on his tail, of course, but after a while I didn't even bother taking precautions. I swear, whatever he was doing, it was like he'd switched off the little soldier voice in his head or something. I'd seen him in crowds before, and he always moved with that sort of contained violence that said he was holding himself in tight control and alert to everything that was going on around him. Right then, though, he didn't even seem to notice the people he occasionally bumped shoulders with, let alone little old me trailing along behind him like a lost dog.

I followed him out to the edge of the residential area, near to the spaceport, and in all honesty I was kinda surprised to see him stop at a pretty cheap motel. The sort that gives you a bed and a shower and not much else but thin walls. At that point I was more than a little curious as to what the hell Heero was doing; it did cross my mind for a moment that he might be meeting someone there, perhaps even a girl. I don't know how I felt about that. On the one hand, there's not much other reason for someone to sneak off to a motel in the middle of the afternoon, even a fifteen-year-old terrorist, and as a fellow male I felt almost proud of my friend. On the other hand, the idea of someone else with Heero� it made me feel weird. Sick, and disappointed.

I admit it, for a long time I'd been hoping that perhaps one day Heero might finally notice me as more than just an efficient killer, and we could maybe fall into bed and make the floors vibrate the way Q and Tro did. Yeah, some dream, huh? Anyway, feeling somewhat jealous and more than slightly put out, I decided to wait around a bit and see who he was meeting. So I found myself a nice little alleyway opposite the motel entrance, and sat myself down on a crate that happened to be conveniently hidden in the shadows behind a dumpster. The smell wasn't enough to bother me, not after my childhood.

So, I waited. And waited. Just when I was about to give up and wander back to the house, the plate-glass doors of the motel lobby opened and a girl stepped out. She looked to be about my age, with dark hair slicked back into a messy sort of bob, and a turtleneck and long hippie skirt and blouse. She shut the doors behind her, and then she turned around and I almost died.

It was Heero. Heero, in a long skirt and heels and a girl's blouse. In makeup. I was just glad he hadn't seen me, or I don't know what he'd have done. He walked off down the street, toward the shopping district, and he even walked like a girl. If I hadn't seen his face I'd never have known he wasn't a young woman out for the afternoon.

At that point, I decided to get the hell back to the house and stay there. Obviously Heero had an important mission � there was no way he'd do something like this otherwise � and I didn't want to get in his way.

After making sure that he was well out of sight, I ducked out of the alleyway, taking the longer route back to our temporary home. I couldn't seem to stop thinking about the fact that I'd just seen Heero Yuy dressed as a girl. A damn pretty girl, too, I thought to myself uncomfortably. From the single disbelieving glance I'd gotten, I'd seen that he wore the clothes with an almost practised ease, walking in the medium heels as though he were thoroughly accustomed to such artifice. And his face� I could tell he'd been wearing makeup, his eyes had been emphasised with something and his lips�

Oh, fuck. No no no, these were not thoughts to be having! Bad enough to be drooling over my violently antisocial male teammate, without deciding he looked just as drool-worthy in drag! I tugged on my braid, berating myself out loud for my own idiocy and causing the few people I passed to give me weird looks.

Before I really knew it I was back at the house, letting myself through the door and collapsing on the sofa again. Shit, was I confused. I had no idea how I was going to face Heero when he came back; half the time he seemed to know what I was thinking before I did, and surely he would realise that I was hiding something from him. I wasn't sure I could even look at him now without seeing that skirt and makeup!

In the event, it didn't matter; Heero arrived back while the rest of us were at dinner, and went straight up to his room. I was too busy choking on my coffee at the sight of him striding past the dining room door, back in his normal clothing and looking like he'd never been out of it. For a moment it even crossed my mind to wonder whether I'd seen that at all.

***

The next time it happened was about a week later, and it went pretty much the same as before. Me bored out of my skull and lazing about on the living room couch, Heero attempting to sneak out of the house without being noticed.

Well, of course I followed him, what did you expect me to do? For the last few days he'd been entirely normal, entirely Heero, and then this again. It was still within the bounds of possibility that it might be some sort of mission, but� I was pretty sure Heero's Mad had been captured too, and besides, I hadn't seen any signs of his being busier than usual, or spending inordinate amounts of time on his laptop. Well, inordinate for Heero, anyway; he was practically welded to the thing as it was.

So, as soon as I heard him moving off down the front steps, I found my cap and jammed it on my head, tucking my braid up under it. Shrugging into someone's jacket in the hallway � it was green, and a little large on me, so it was probably Trowa's � I slipped out of the door and began trailing my best buddy down the street again.

And it was just like before. Heero wandered through town to the spaceport district, picked a motel apparently at random, and disappeared into his cheap, rented room with his backpack. I settled in to watch, wondering what disguise he might emerge in this time. I didn't have long to wait.

If anything, this week's vision took my breath away even more than the last. Heero � it was Heero, I realised after a moment's unthinking reaction � was wearing an ankle-length blue denim dress over something white and blousy. This outfit was a little tighter than the last, and I had the opportunity to see very clearly that he had padded his chest with something. Add to that the black, heeled ankle-boots and the glittery clips in his hair, not to mention the makeup, and I was floored. Again.

This time round, there was never a question about my continuing to follow him. Her. Whatever. I don't even remember what all was going through my head, but operational security went the hell out the window. At this point, I wouldn't have cared if half a squadron of Ozzies had turned up to strip-search the entire colony, I woulda been standing right behind Heero in the line. Well, okay, so I probably would have anyway, but� let's just say 'Heero' and 'eye candy' are pretty much synonymous. Yes, even in a skirt.

What? I'm bisexual, for fuck's sake, and I never said I wasn't kinky, either.

I kept to a very discreet distance up until we got into the more populated shopping areas, where the crowds allowed me to move up on him a little bit. Speaking strictly as a professional sneak, I was pretty damned impressed. Heero even moved like a girl, appearing perfectly at ease with his heels and walking with small steps, just that little sway to the hips that drew eyes without being blatant. He even had one of those strange little backpack thingies girls wear, like a purse with long shoulder straps.

I figured out rather quickly that Heero was there to shop. From the way he was looking into display windows, this was something he enjoyed doing. I found myself grinning despite myself as I noticed that every time he caught sight of his reflection, the tiniest little cute smile came across his face. Yeah, I think it was at that point that I kind of realised that missions had hell all to do with this.

I followed him into a large department store, but balked when he made immediately for the lingerie section. No way in hell was I going in there, not solo. Courage is relative, and I had no desire to face down scores of women automatically assuming I was some sorta perv. I backed out of the store pretty sharpish and retreated to the Starbucks across the way, getting myself a double espresso and settling in front of the window with a copy of the Colony Times.

Ah, caffeine. I'd gone through three coffees by the time Heero reappeared, and was starting to feel the effects. I was glad enough to leave, weaving through the crowds after my buddy and his shopping bags � it looked like he'd splurged a little, and I tried to make myself stop wondering about his purchases.

I was surprised as all hell to end up outside a very familiar fa�ade, watching through the large plate windows as Heero took a seat at the bar and began chatting easily with the barmaid. I actually had to look up at the sign over the door before I could really get myself to believe it.

Spiders.

I knew the place all right, if mostly by reputation. It was one of the better known gay bars in the L1 cluster, catering both to the lunch trade and the evening warm-ups. I say a gay bar, but 'open-minded' might be a better description. Anyone was welcome, and no questions were asked. Heero turning up there� well, that just about fried my brain. With the help of all that coffee, of course. I wandered away in something approaching a daze, not really paying much attention to my surroundings. That came pretty close to getting me killed.

I freely admit it was my fault. I wasn't looking where I was going, and it was pretty much inevitable that I bumped smack bang into someone, caroming off a broad chest and landing rather precipitously on my ass on the concrete. Stupidly, I stared up at the OZ sergeant I had walked right into, and began cursing myself silently in every language I knew.

"Watch where you're damn well going, kid," the beefy soldier growled, glaring at me, and I gulped, hoping my hat was still solidly on my head.

"Sorry sir!" I scrambled to my feet � purposefully stumbling over my own feet and making myself look clumsy. I was just glad I hadn't worn my usual ecclesiastical blacks, or I might now be getting forcibly acquainted with the pair of handcuffs the sergeant was carrying on his belt. That or his fist, anyway. I ducked my head in embarrassment, shrinking away from the big man, and after a moment he gave a sour grunt and shoved past me through the crowd, almost dumping me on my ass yet again.

"Huh." I brushed myself off, permitting myself the luxury of a glare at the idiot guy's back. Fucking OZ, strutting round like they owned the place just 'cause they had the firepower. In my more cynical moments, I was convinced that this entire stupid squabble between OZ, the former Alliance and Romefeller was just one big game of 'my rocket's bigger than yours.' What was unforgivable was their using the defenceless civilian colonies as pawns in their games. People are people, you know? Colonial or Earth-born. Two arms, two legs, and sometimes even a brain.

Heh, anyway, I'm getting distracted again. I kept an eye on the Ozzie fucktard just long enough to see he didn't go into Heero's bar � not that it would have mattered if he did, with Yuy in that dress no one'd ever believe he was a soldier, much less a pilot. Stupid, if you ask me, it's not like Noin and Sally and even that psycho bitch of a Colonel aren't damn good suit pilots. Still, you don't check the wiring on a free car. I headed on back home, anyway, with plenty to think about.

The thing that was beating me over the head most forcefully was that not only did Heero Yuy, Mr Macho of the year, have a thing for dressing as a woman, but that I had seen him with my own eyes, going into a gay bar. Now granted, the Spider catered for transvestites as well, but� Surely that meant I might be in with a chance? At the very least, he wouldn't be offended by my rather indiscriminate preferences� I hoped.

The question of whether I should talk to him about this was pretty high up on my list. He'd obviously gone to a lot of effort to keep his little 'hobby' secret; should I let him know I'd followed him? Or should I just ignore the whole thing, let him keep his secrets? If Heero found out I knew, he might be so humiliated he'd never look at me again, and I didn't want that at all.

I was still pondering the situation when Heero got back to the safehouse that night, jeans firmly on and backpack substantially fuller than it had been when he left. I didn't actually know he'd arrived until I looked up from my laptop, where I was compiling mission reports for Quatre, and found him standing in my bedroom doorway, arms crossed over his chest.

I started. "Uh, hey Heero buddy. Where ya been all day?"

A fluid shrug. "Out." It seemed like that was all I was going to get, so I soldiered on. Um, no pun intended.

"You wanna be careful where you go, man; I ran into some Ozzies in town today."

"Hn." Another one of those damn noncommittal monosyllabic responses. I hated the way they fell so short onto the air, making me itch to fill up what seemed like a too-unnatural silence. I've never been too comfortable with silence; I like to know where people are and what they're thinking. If they're not talking, they might be busy thinking up shit to do to you � and my nervous habit of filling up the gaps with chatter keeps 'em too off-balance to start.

"Sooo, any word on the mission front? I'm getting' kinda antsy sitting around here, ya know?" I cursed myself as his blank expression slipped into the faintest of frowns; I was running off at the mouth again.

"No. J's been captured, though � as far as I can tell OZ want the scientists to build Gundams for them."

"Hack 'em?" He nodded shortly. "Shit, that's just like the bastards, they know they can't beat us so they try to take advantage of our own scientists." I kicked fitfully at the leg of my ramshackle computer desk, desisting abruptly as it wobbled rather alarmingly.

"J wouldn't do anything to damage our chances of success," Heero said, but he sounded uncertain.

"Yeah, but if OZ's got guns to their heads�" I shrugged philosophically. "Eh, G's a tricky bastard anyway, he'll find a way around them." At least that was something I could believe in. Mostly, anyway.

Heero was wearing his 'grimly resigned' expression. Yeah, that same face he'd made when he stepped out of his cockpit in Siberia with a detonator in hand. I'd been a little prejudiced against it since then, although I had to admit it was just as attractive as any other expression that crossed his features. "We may have to consider infiltrating the Moon Base and eliminating them, if OZ gain access to Gundam technologies."

I winced. Not at the thought of taking G out � he'd been an OK teacher, but a grumpy bastard, and I knew he'd have no compunctions about sacrificing himself for his Cause. "Infil? Damn, Heero, the security there is a nightmare. Fucking hell of a risk for any of us to take." I'd been to Luna on several occasions with the Sweeper ships when they offloaded or picked up cargo, and the inspections had been so thorough that G'd had to stay in orbit with 'Scythe in the main transport, and make me a whole new fake ID. He'd said it was important for me to familiarise myself with as many enemy installations as possible.

Heero shot me a withering glare. "I'm willing to take the risk."

I bit my lip, trying to work out how best to phrase my reaction to that. It was pretty obvious he still hadn't gotten over his little bout of flirting with suicide; I had to wonder what the hell J had done to the kid he had been. Creepy bastard. "Yeah, but if you get splattered, Heero, who's gonna pilot Wing? We can't afford to lose any of us, yanno."

"I am expendable." Somehow, the sheer monotone normality of his voice as he said that brought my hackles right up.

"The fuck you are, Heero Yuy!" I exclaimed without really thinking about it. "The Colonies need us, even if they're too blind to admit it. We have to win this war, and for that we need to stay alive! Getting yourself killed right now is plain damn stupid! We need you, Heero you damn idiot � I need you!"

Oh. Uh� fuck?

***

OK, I should probably explain this, huh? Heero and I� we have history. More shared history than either of us have with any of the other guys � Hell, anyone else, period. We didn't get off to a great start, but we ended up working together as partners for going on a month. From New Edwards to Siberia. That much time spent relying on someone to watch your back, it builds bonds.

Of course, what I didn't really realise at the time was that the whole dance from the time we met was pretty much a process of building bonds between us. Not trust � it took shared action to do that � but what Wu Fei would call 'honour.' Right from the beginning, we were tied together by obligations and debts. I shot Heero, so I was responsible for getting him back out of Alliance custody. I helped him escape, so he had to accept mine and Howard's hospitality. I'd tried to steal his Gundam, so I had to help him fix it. He'd tried to destroy mine� it just went on. Thing about Heero is, he doesn't like to be obligated to anyone.

I guess the parts he stole offa me might have been half the reason he stuck around after New Edwards, come to think of it. Although he was pretty shaken up then � he has this thing about innocents under fire, and I've never really wanted to question him about it since I know all about skeletons in the closet. Oh yeah.

Anyway, Heero and I have a lot of history. In much the same way that we were paired up off and on for the first months of the war, though, so were Quatre and Trowa. And look at them now. Actually, I prefer not to, it's either sickeningly sweet, like the way they light up in each other's presence, or unbelievably embarrassing, like when you walk into a room and they're in a compromising position.

The first time I met the guys was at New Edwards, and we didn't really have much time to get acquainted then, so I didn't have much time to psych them out. All I really remember thinking about them was that they worked together pretty well, almost as good as me and Heero. And 'working together' in this business means being able to read each other's moves; means knowing what your partner's going to do before they do it. It's not any kind of mystical emotional connection and shit, but it does mean you gotta know each other pretty well, physically � as in how you move and react to stuff.

So yeah, I had a pretty good physical awareness of Heero even before I got round to realising that Q and Tro were more than just best buddies. That was during the nasty little hiatus in the desert, when Quat and I were holed up together for weeks trying to figure out a strategy (him) and trying to get past the fact that I'd seen my best buddy press the Big Red Button and go boom (me).

I got to know Quatre pretty well then, too, but it wasn't nearly the same as the way me and Heero'd been. We spent a lot of time swapping 'war stories' � bringing each other up to date on what'd we'd done where, and somehow the spacehearted little bastard managed to get me around to talking about Heero. I told him pretty much everything, and he retaliated with stories of Trowa � neither of us knew Fei at all back then.

After a while, the obvious reached out and smacked me in the forehead. It was blindingly easy to read Quatre when he wasn't guarding himself � he's a very open person � and the way he talked about Trowa was one hell of a give-away. Shy, delighted, tender, worried. So I called him on it, and after reassuring him that since I was bisexual I was very unlikely to react negatively, Quat admitted the two of them had a 'relationship.' From the blush on his face� eh, let's just say I doubted he was really as innocent as he looked.

It was about then that I started thinking the Disturbing Thoughts. If Q and Tro, those best buds who fought and worked together so well, were rocking the bedsprings, what did that say about Heero and me? Sure, the guy was taciturn as all hell and the dictionary definition of antisocial, but I knew very well that he allowed me to see more of him than anyone else, even that Relena chick that confused the fuck out of him. It was a frightening thought, that I knew him better than anyone else did; I knew damn well that I'd let my guard down one too many times around him for him to really believe my happy little fictions, but�

See, when I actually let myself admit it, the guy really was damned attractive. Smooth, almost androgynous facial features on top of the body of a god, which that damn spandex did a hell of a job of presenting to the world. Can we say 'second skin'? Mmm, and those eyes! Stormy dark blue like the ocean, something I'd never seen before descending to Earth. He was gorgeous, and as far as I could tell he had absolutely no awareness of this fact. It wasn't just his looks, though. I did a lot of soul-searching while I thought he was dead, and was finally persuaded to admit to myself that I'd had one hell of a crush on the idiot.

Imagine my surprise when he turned up officially Not Dead After All, and I had to work out how to reconcile my newly-discovered Feelings with the reality of interacting with a grumpy, monosyllabic Japanese boy in close quarters. The end result of which seemed to be a hell of a lot of jerking off, and me thanking my lucky stars that we weren't rooming together like before.

***

I thought I might be about to die of humiliation. Heero was staring at me like I'd grown a third head, eyes wide and strangely vulnerable-seeming.

"What did you say?" he all but breathed, looking like he was about to either have a stroke or fall down in a faint.

"Uh�" I scrambled for a believable half-truth I could use to fob him off, but ended up just staring at him helplessly as he took a hesitant step toward me. "Heero�"

"You said you needed me." God, his eyes� he was close enough that all I could see was endless blue, clear with the calm before the storm. "You needed me. Duo�?" Oh, the lack of space between us was tempting me to do some very stupid things�

"All right!" I snapped, jerking away and stomping back to my computer. "I like you, OK? I think you're�" Gorgeous. Beautiful. Perfect. Sexy. Lickable� oh fuck. Vivid mental images assaulted me from all sides, and it took me a moment before I realised that Heero was no longer in the room. Had I said any of that out loud?

Irritation gave way to minor panic, and I found myself following Heero without my mind getting much say in it. I was able to catch his bedroom door before it slammed behind him, and somewhat to my surprise I found him sitting on his bed with his back against the wall, knees tucked up to his chest. In that spandex of his, the position gave me a very nice view of his� assets� but unfortunately I had other things on my mind. Given where I'd seen him earlier, I doubted this was a case of 'oh-my-god-my-best-friend-fancies-me' homophobia, but I had to be sure.

"Heero?" All my earlier irritation had been subsumed by concern. "You okay man?"

He flinched visibly, and I stopped where I was, a few feet from the edge of the bed, and wondered what to do with my hands.

"Heero? C'mon, talk to me; are you all right?"

With a slow sigh, he unwound, apparently putting two and two together and figuring out that he wasn't going to get rid of me as easily as refusing to speak. "Yes, I'm fine."

I bypassed the obvious retort, settling for "Like hell." His room was pretty bare and functional, only the fading flowered wallpaper differing from my own bedroom. I yanked his desk chair out and turned it backwards, straddling the seat and resting my arms on the back. "Now, you wanna tell me what the problem is? I mean, it's fine if you don't like me that way, I kinda figured that anyway, but you lit outta there like shit off a shovel, so�" I left it hanging to try and coax words out of him even as he winced at my rather descriptive language.

"It's not that." He looked very much as though the words had to be dragged out of his as he sat up, tucking his bare feet neatly to one side and snagging a pillow to his chest. "It's not that I don't like you, Duo, but I can't� I couldn't� oh, damn." He looked down miserably at his lap. "Please shut the door?"

I blinked at the quiet request, but got up anyway, pushing the slightly warped wooden door until it lodged in the frame. If Heero was going so far as to request privacy� Well, joking around probably wouldn't be constructive. I resumed my seat, absently tugging my braid over my shoulder so I could disguise my nervousness in fiddling with the end. "You can tell me, Heero." Yeah, by this point I'd figured I was probably facing some Deep Dark Secret, and should probably be supportive. I sure as hell wasn't expecting the words that actually came outta his mouth, though.

"I'm not a boy."

I blinked, doing my famous imitation of a startled carp. "Um, Heero, I've seen you in the showers after gym and�"

"I know." His voice was quiet and calm and perfectly collected, though his face looked drawn. "I don't mean physically, but mentally � in my heart � I'm a girl. I always have been." He shrugged, looking away. "So you see, your attraction to me was based on false assumptions."

"Whoa, now wait a minute," I protested automatically, holding up my hands. A whole lot of things were suddenly coming together in my head. "First off, I'm not gay, I'm bisexual, so as far as I'm concerned gender doesn't make a whole lotta difference. But� you're really transsexual?"

Heero just blinked at me for a few moments, then: "Yes." He offered a shy smile and suddenly I could see the ghost of the young woman who'd exited the motel this morning.

"Wow." I grinned back at him. "I always knew you did have emotions somewhere under that perfect military mask."

He scowled. "That's J's fault." He was still using that strange quiet voice; it was a lot more tonal than the flat inflections I was used to hearing from him, more liquid.

"What is?" I remembered my one glimpse of Heero's controller over a vid-screen, and shuddered. Scary insane type guy, that one.

"The Soldier." He gave the word all sorts of interesting dynamics, sighing. "He took me off the street after Odin died and tried to make me into his perfect weapon. And I knew what would happen if I disobeyed or refused orders�"

Well shit. Looks like it was possible to have a worse childhood than mine after all. I sighed. "I don't really know you at all, do I?"

His eyes locked on mine; that clear deep blue that always threatened to drown me. "No. I have to be the Soldier on missions. Besides, no one wants to see Heero."

I blinked. Hell, did that sound familiar. Me and my masks� Maybe, maybe� "Um, I assume you want me to keep this to myself?" When he nodded, I continued. "To be honest, it's probably gonna take me while to get used to, but� I know I said I liked you, and that means as a friend as well, Heero. So, if ya want� I'd at least like to get to know you better. The real you," I clarified hastily as he frowned. Or should I be thinking of him as 'she' now? Whoa.

"I have to fight the war, Duo." He'd hunched down into himself again, clutching his pillow tightly. "The Colonies need us � I have to be the Soldier, I can't even think about a time afterwards yet�"

"Yeah, but�" I fumbled for a way to put it into words. "Like right now. We don't have any missions right at this moment, so we maybe have a little bit of time to relax and be just us. No Soldier for you, no tryin' to pretend everything's fine for me. Ya know?"

He looked at me for a long time, until I started to get uncomfortable. Then suddenly a tiny, shy little smile snuck onto his face. "I always thought that about you."

"Huh?" I frowned, definitely confused now.

"Never mind." Heero shook his head gently. "So, what did you want to talk about?"

"Hmm? Oh." I started to grin reassuringly, then remembered what I'd said and sighed, offering a small but genuine smile. "Tell me about you. About � what, is it like being a girl trapped in a boy's body?"

"Pretty much." Heero narrowed his eyes at me. "Why aren't you freaking out?"

I shrugged easily. "I like people. I've seen all sorts, believe me. Necrophiliacs, eunuchs� you just don't wanna know. So, have you always known you were�" I waved my hand vaguely.

"Different? Oh yes." Heero smiled shyly at me, and again I saw echoes of the girl he had been� was� whatever. "I don't remember anything before Odin, but even back then I used to see girls in the street and want to be like them. I would have worn dresses if I could, but he bought all my clothes for me. I only ever touched the guns because he told me to � I never wanted to play with weapons. We had a sort of contract � I posed as his son and worked for him, and he protected me." His eyes took on a dreamy sort of expression. "I always wanted a doll back then, but of course I never got one. I never had any toys at all, as far back as I can remember."

"Me either." I laid my cheek on my folded arms, remembering. "I was always too busy trying to survive, you know? Stealing was always for food � and I had to grow up pretty quickly. There was never time for toys on the streets, and no one ever wanted to admit to that kind of vulnerability. I remember at Maxwell Church they gave me a kickball and colouring books, but we were always pretty poor."

"You were at Maxwell Church?" Heero asked, and I remembered that he had grown up in the Colonial resistance movement, would almost certainly have heard of the massacre even if the Alliance and OZ had tried to suppress the news.

"Yeah." I laughed bitterly. "Only survivor, an' only 'cause I wasn't where I shoulda been." I left it at that. "So what happened after that � you said what was his name, Odin, died?"

"Yes. After that I was on the streets for a while, too." His lips pressed together tightly, and I could see his eyes were far away. "I thought at first that since I was finally free, on my own, I could be a girl, but�"

"Yeah, I know." Girls on the street almost always ended up in the brothels, or worse, in the hands of the pimps. Wearing a dress was tantamount to an invitation to rape, as far as the gang toughs and homeless were concerned; most of the girls I had known had tried to dress as boys to give themselves a measure of protection. Not that boys were always immune to the gangs, but they had marginally better chances of staying free.

"Then I ran into J." Heero shrugged fluidly. "He asked if I wanted to be a Gundam pilot, and by then anything was better than staying on the street. I didn't even know what a Gundam was." He glanced at me and I grinned back tiredly. "Once he had me, that was it. I had to be the Soldier, or I'd have died in training."

"So you adopted this masculine persona?"

He shook his head. "The Soldier isn't masculine, not really. It's more� neutral. No emotion, no gender, no preferences, just missions and objectives. Strength, and violence, competitiveness � just what has to be done."

"To free the Colonies." I nodded and he smiled in relief, echoing the gesture. "That's why I'm the God of Death." I winced, thinking of something. "Um, Heero, I should probably tell you I kind of saw you in town this morning� that might be why I'm not as freaked out by this as I coulda been�"

"Oh." He flushed, looking away, and I smiled at him, feeling an unexpected heat in my own cheeks.

"You were really pretty."

His head snapped up and he stared at me in disbelief. I felt myself blushing even more. "Thank you," he whispered finally, face just as flushed as mine.

"You're welcome." I laid my face back down on my arms. "So, do you just think of yourself as Heero? Or do you have another name?"

"Just Heero. It's a fairly androgynous name anyway, and I never really had one before."

"Like Trowa." I nodded. "So maybe if I wanna get used to thinking of you as a girl I ought to call you Heero-chan." I was teasing him, thinking of several silly anime series I'd seen, but to my surprise he blushed again, a tiny smile creeping over his face.

"Maybe I'd like that. Not in front of the others though," he added hastily.

I smiled back. "Our little secret, Heero-chan."

I swear to God, he actually giggled.

***

Trying to think of Heero as a girl turned out to take more effort than I'd thought. Having to refer to him as a guy in front of the other three didn't exactly help, either. I kept my promise not to mention his secret, but it became fairly academic anyway shortly thereafter; we received confirmation that the scientists were in OZ captivity and had to move out. Heero and I were on the outs for a while after we both got shut in a cell with Wu Fei, and believe me, that was hardly the place for any kind of private discussion. By the time Quatre showed up in Zero, I'd managed to pretty much squash my prior crush on the Imperfect Soldier in the name of trying to get to know him � her � better.

Yeah, it was difficult. In a combat situation, when Heero was relying on the Soldier personality� OK, so I know there are a lot of girls who are as good or better soldiers than some guys, like Sally and Miss Noin and even that girl Hilde I'd met, but mission-Heero lived and breathed warfare. It really was an 'it,' I noticed when I started to pay a bit more attention � it moved with purpose rather than bravado or swagger, and none of the usual masculine 'urges' that troubled me (and even Wu Fei, though he'd kill me if he realised I knew) seemed to bother it. No real gender, as Heero'd said. Trying to attach a female pronoun to someone like that, even in my head�

Paradoxically, it got easier when the two of us were separated. I don't know what happened to Heero � he went off with Trowa to save Quatre from himself, and Wu Fei and I got broken out of the base by accident during an attack. I got to say hello to Deathscythe Hell, and oh my God what a beautiful machine my new buddy was! You have no idea how much fun we had, moving right up on OZ detachments and knowing they couldn't see so much as a blip on their screens. Then just exploding out of nowhere and taking them out before they knew what fucking hit them, it was great!

Anyway, when Heero wasn't actually there being the Soldier in my face, it was easier to remember the skirt, if you know what I mean. Easier to think of him � her � as the girl I'd followed from the motel that day. I remembered the small glimpses of personality I'd gotten through the mask with an eerie familiarity, recognising my own evasion tactics. And I couldn't help realising with some surprise that I really did want to know more. To know Heero-chan better.

About that time � after my rather unpleasant firsthand encounter with the mind-warping effects of Zero � the war really started hotting up. There were the Treize Faction and the Relena Faction and the Zechs Faction � well, okay, they called themselves White Fang, but come on! That's just asking to have people take the piss. You have no idea how tempting it was to do my 'howl at the moon' impression at some of those pompous idiots. Obviously they were deprived as children. And yeah, I know that's saying something coming from me, but Sister used to read to us all the time, and the 45th Street public library was a warm place to spend the night after the Church burned.

So, by the time I actually got to see Heero again we were on Peacemillion � Howie gave me my old room back � and so busy trying not to get killed that there still wasn't any time to talk. I don't know, I think at that point either Heero had figured it didn't matter any more, or he � she � thought I'd forgotten or something.

I hadn't, though. I was very well aware that Heero'd shared something with me that no one else knew, and I took that responsibility seriously. Actually, in a strange way, it made me feel kinda warm inside, you know? Maybe it wasn't quite sexual, the way I felt, but that had definitely cemented the fact that Heero was my friend.

At one point, while I'd still had the time to spare for anything other than flopping out of my cockpit and into my bunk, I'd actually gone out onto the web, trying to look up information on transsexualism. It had been difficult � most of what I'd found had been either very technical stuff having to do with hormones and psychoanalysis, or it had been support groups of varying sorts. I did gather that there were a variety of options available to a male-to-female transsexual, but I have to admit even the thought of sex change surgery kind of made me cringe. I like my boys where they are, thank you very much!

It made me wonder, though. Would Heero � assuming we survived the war, of course, which was pretty iffy at that point � want to undertake something so radical? Hormone treatments, breast enhancements� surgery? As hi � her friend, would I be able to support that choice? It was a damn big decision to make, after all. With a snort, I wondered what Relena Peacecraft would make of her 'perfect' Heero doing such a thing. Even the thought of Heero appearing before her in a dress was enough to make me snort with laughter. I decided that after the war � assuming such a mythical time should ever occur � I would have to try and arrange such a meeting.

My plans were rather abruptly, thwarted, though, by Heero's taking off in Wing Zero after the Libra had been destroyed. At first, I was so busy being relieved that the world was saved, then overjoyed that the war was over, that I didn't even think to look for that familiar white-winged silhouette. By the time we were making our way back to MO-II to get Quatre some badly needed medical attention, both the Gundam and its pilot were long gone and all my cursing at the monitors wasn't going to bring them back.

***

I didn't see Heero again for a long time. The rest of us spent a while at one of Quatre's houses while we tried to get it through our heads that the war was actually freakin' over and we didn't have to run and hide when people smiled at us in the streets. I think freedom went to my head for a bit; I spent some time in bars and clubs, just catching up with myself I suppose, trying to get comfortable as a teenager again instead of a terrorist. After a while, I started to realise that I needed to settle down and get the hell on with my life, so I packed up my bags, said my goodbyes, and headed off for L2. It was where I'd begun, after all.

I ended up working part-time with Hilde at the scrapyard while I took some college courses � gotta have qualifications to get into top-level engineering and mechanical design, and I figured that was where I wanted to go, at least for a while. I already knew more than the university could teach me in the practical side of things, but they're pretty big on theory too, and they wouldn't let me take the exams until I'd passed a certain number of classes.

I filled my class schedule as damn full as it could go, though � I'd had my fill of being poor, and even living in Hilde's spare room I was only barely getting by. A regular wage packet was my goal, enough money so's I could get a nice apartment and not have to worry about where my next meal was coming from.

Between school, homework, and weekends at the yard, I was pretty damn busy. Not so busy I didn't occasionally wonder about Heero, though.

OK, I admit, 'occasionally' in this case would probably translate to 'every couple of hours.' I worried about hi � her, all right? What with the conflict between the Soldier and the person inside, and then the whole gender thing on top of that, for all I knew she might have snapped. God knew she'd shown a certain amount of disregard for her own safety in the past; I was carefully trying to avoid the image of her turning to a bullet to end her own personal war. All in all, though, after a few months had passed I'd gotten fairly resigned to the probability that I'd never see her again.

Imagine my surprise, then, when I arrived home from lectures one evening in September to find Hilde sitting in the living room, drinking tea with Heero. Heero-chan, I should say, since she was wearing a college jacket over a calf-length denim dress. She and Hilde were chatting quite companionably, and I wondered absently if Hilde knew who she was; I didn't think they'd met before.

"Heero!" I dropped my books to the floor, about to fling myself at her for a hug, then stopped, uncertain of the situation and blushing. She solved the problem by smiling uncertainly at me and rising.

"Hello Duo." And just like that I had my arms around her and she had laid her head on my shoulder for a moment. "I missed you," she murmured close to my ear, then pulled away. I was still tingling strangely from the feel of him � her � in my arms. It wasn't like hugging Hilde; Heero's body was still hard with a soldier's muscle, but the padding on her chest felt almost like flesh rather than foam. With a start, I realised that I was actually over an inch taller than she was now � she hadn't grown as much as I had, probably due to her East Asian heritage.

"Heero." I still couldn't quite believe that she was really there. "Where the hell have you been all this time, I've been worried about you! We've all been worried about you, damn it!" It was true; at least once a week I'd had calls from Quatre and Trowa, and without fail they asked after Heero.

"Ahem." Hilde gave me a reproachful look. "Duo, why don't you be polite and introduce me to your friend?"

I blinked. "Oh yeah. Heero, this is Hilde Schbeiker, she owns this place and lets me stay. Hilde, this is Heero Yuy." Heero smiled and nodded shyly, and I thought I could read nervousness in her eyes.

"Hi." Hilde grinned. "I mean, we already met, but� Hey, wait a minute. The Heero Yuy, as in Wing Zero's pilot?" Her eyes narrowed and she looked Heero over more carefully. Heero sighed and nodded, lowering her gaze miserably and shrinking toward me a little as if in anticipation of censure.

"Yeah."

"Huh." Hilde shook her head, her grin returning. "That's cool. You got a place to stay?"

"No." Heero looked at me. "I don't really know how long I'll be here; I only came because of the Gundams�"

"Oh, did you get mail from Quatre too?" I grinned at her; Quatre had sent out emails to all four of us detailing his plans to pack the Gundams off into the Sun now that they were no longer needed. Much as I would miss my old buddy Deathscythe, I knew that my blond friend was right and it was time for him to take his last journey, so I had already arranged to have the Maguanacs collect him for disposal.

"Yes, I've already sent Zero off." She didn't look particularly affected by the Gundam's loss, I noted; presumably she hadn't been quite as attached to it as I had been to mine.

"Me too. I thought about going along to say one last goodbye to my buddy, but�" I shrugged, moving to sit down on the couch and patting the seat beside me invitingly. "Not much point really, and I'm up to here with school work," I waved one hand as high over my head as it would go. "Hey, Heero-chan, do you want to stay here?" I glanced at Hilde to be sure that was all right, but she was smiling.

"Yeah, there's a sofa bed in the back study, and Duo never uses it anyway; he keeps all his crap in his room."

"Hey," I defended myself, "Just because I like to sit on my bed and work � it's a damn sight more comfy than a desk chair! Anyway, what do you say, Heero? Hilde's pretty cool, and this is actually the better end of town, if you can believe it."

"I don't know�" Heero looked troubled. "I don't want to impose�"

"Oh, it's no trouble," Hilde assured her with a wave. "I bought this place for the scrapyard, and it's too big for just one person. I like having a full house, anyway, and it'll be cool having another girl around the place � you have nearly the same hair as me!"

Heero smiled slightly, reaching up to touch the wispy ends of her hair with blue-lacquered fingertips. "I'm trying to grow it out a bit," she admitted shyly, "but I have no idea what it would look like long."

Hilde made a thoughtful face. "I don't think you'd want it to get beyond shoulder-length, but if it was long enough to fall naturally, it might look quite nice." She made a gesture. "Sort of like natural layers. Now this one," she turned to me, "really needs a haircut."

I grabbed my braid protectively, scooting back against the couch cushions at the evil look she gave me. "No fuckin' way!"

Heero was shaking her head. "It's important to him," she said quietly. "He's never said why, but it's important."

"Damn right." I nodded vigorously. "Ain't no one messing with my hair or they'll be the ones gettin' parts cut off."

Hilde gave a mock sigh, shaking her head. "No talking to some people," she muttered, and I reached out and thwacked her on one arm. "Hey!" She scowled at me and smacked me right back with a huffing noise.

Heero was looking between the two of us with a curious expression. "Um, are you two�?" she blushed, making a curious gesture. "I mean, I don't want to intrude�"

"What?" I blinked for a moment, then suddenly realised what she was getting at as Hilde went off into gales of hysterical laughter, shaking her head madly. "Hey, I'm not that bad, you know." I refrained from swatting her this time, instead turning to Heero, still with that damn blush on my face. "Nah, you don't need to worry about that, Hilde's like the little sister I never had. And she's prolly more likely to be interested in you anyway. Hey." I had a thought. "It's Friday tomorrow, do you want to come out with us? I have the afternoon free, and Hil usually closes the yard early and drags me out shopping so's we can go clubbing in the evening."

"I don't know�" Heero looked a little nervous, probably at the idea of socialising with us in public.

"Hey, don't panic." I grinned at her. "We'll go easy on you � probably just hang out in a few bars or something, then go to Q."

"Q?" Heero glanced between me and Hilde, who appeared to have sobered up a little.

"Yeah, it's the local gay hot spot, though I have to admit it's more like 'anything goes.'" I shrugged. "It's pretty cool, Heero, don't worry."

Heero tipped her head to one side for a moment, eyes cast down, then sighed. "All right, I suppose."

"Cool!" Hilde gave her an engaging grin, and slowly Heero's smile widened. "There's a mall a couple of stops down the tube, with all sorts of little boutiques full of great stuff."

"Nooo," I groaned, folding my arms over my head. "Save us from the horrors of the mall! Ow!" I glared at Hilde, who had given me an unsympathetic poke

"You know you love it really." To my surprise, the smile on Heero's face had turned into soft laughter. I couldn't spoil that, so I threw up my hands.

"All right, all right! If I must be tortured to death then I insist on going to the leather shop." I needed a new pair of clubbing pants � some bastard had spilt beer all over mine and the smell just would not come out � and I'd been eyeing up a short jacket for a while now; it was just the perfect shape to go over black jeans and my red zip-top.

"Oh, we might oblige you." Hilde exchanged a laughing glance with Heero, who was wearing that tiny smirk again. "Anyway, Maxwell, what's for dinner?"

I groaned distractedly; I'd completely forgotten the time with the excitement of Heero's arrival. "Shit, I forgot. I was gonna get groceries, but�" I checked my watch. "Damn, it's too late now. Okay, what takeout d'ya want?" My doing the cooking had been one of the conditions of my tenancy; Hilde couldn't boil water without burning it and you wouldn't want to see what she could do to a plain ham and mustard sandwich. My own kitchen skills were nothing to be particularly proud of, but I could at least produce edible meals. Maybe with Heero here too I could get a break once in a while.

Hilde glanced at Heero. "Chinese? Well, Chinese-American really, there's a good restaurant a few blocks down�"

"Chinese will be fine." I noticed then that Heero had a duffel bag sitting by her feet, as well as that same small backpack I'd seen, what, almost a year ago?

"Right then." I squared my shoulders. "Heero-chan, I'll show you your room and we can get the menu at the same time." I held my hands out for the bag as she rose, playing the gentleman even though I knew perfectly well that she was stronger than I. The smile she gave me seemed more shy than ironic, though.

Hilde rolled her eyes, probably at my antics. "I'll go get the sheets."

"This way." I hefted the bag � God knew what she had in it, it weighed a ton, but then I probably didn't want to know � and shouldered through the hall door, leading Heero up the stairs to the small office on the right. "Bathroom's here," I jerked my chin in its direction, "and this'll be your room. How long are you planning on staying, anyway?" I dumped the bag � carefully � and lifted the spare pillows from the couch, pulling the extendable seat out and settling the futon mattress over it. "Here."

"Thank you." Heero gave me an almost coy glance from beneath lowered lashes. "I really don't know how long I'll be here�"

"Stay as long as you like." Hilde pushed through the door with an armful of sheets and blankets, and between the two of us we managed to make up the bed, disregarding Heero's offers of assistance.

"There." Hilde smoothed off the top sheet and gave Heero a smile. "And you're doubly welcome if you can cook � I'm useless in the kitchen."

"I can cook." Heero grinned at her; I thought bemusedly that the two of them seemed to have bonded in a strange way, perhaps due to their shared deviations from the 'norm' of feminine society.

"Well," I had produced the takeout menu from the slight clutter of the desk drawers, wondering why Hilde insisted on tidying it away when beside the phone in the hall was clearly the best place for it. Women. "What do we want to order?" I passed the pamphlet first to Heero, who studied it carefully, blue-lacquered nails bright against the almost violent reds and oranges of the kanji on the plasfilm. I glanced questioningly at Hilde, who nodded at me.

"Szechuan pork and beansprouts." Her usual order, as the chilli beef noodles was mine.

"Heero-chan?" I couldn't help looking her over again. Standing, the wide skirt of the denim dress came to just below the knee while the semi-fitted bodice part was just short of clinging, the jacket probably only there to hide overly muscular arms and shoulders since she hadn't bothered to fasten it in the front. She looked beautiful, I had to admit, feeling a tiny stirring of the old desire.

"I'll have lemon chicken with pineapple." Her soft voice jolted me out of my slight stupor, and I turned away hastily to hide the blush I was sure I was sporting, digging my cell phone out of my jeans pocket.

"Right you are. You like prawn crackers?" Her shrug indicated that she didn't particularly care either way, so I only asked the operator for one bag. Hilde couldn't stand the things, but I enjoyed eating them with dips and sauces, using them like popadoms to scoop up rice. The man on the phone advised me in a thick accent that my order would be ready in ten minutes, so I gave the address and a credit number and rang off.

"Right, it'll be about fifteen minutes, you wanna head back downstairs?"

"Sure." Hilde wandered out of the room, calling back over her shoulder that she'd get plates and drinks from the kitchen.

Heero smiled at me shyly, eyes reflecting the light with stormy blue glints. I blinked, somehow aware that she'd said something. "Huh?"

"I said, thank you," she repeated amusedly. "For letting me stay � for everything."

"Oh, that." I blushed rather unexpectedly, and turned my face away as I started down the stairs. "It's nothing."

***

"Now that," Hilde pronounced gleefully, "is cool."

I smirked, raising my arms over my head and turning in a little circle. "Heero, what d'ya think?" I had taken my boots off in the changing room in order to get the damn pants on, and the tile floor was cold under my feet.

"They're very� tight." Heero blushed a little, but didn't stop running her eyes over my leather-clad legs and ass. I congratulated myself on a good choice, even if they were clingy as hell. And with the silky black shirt I'd bought a few weeks back� yes, they'd go very nicely. I grinned at the girls and disappeared back into the cubicle to change, unable to resist ogling myself one last time in the mirror first.

When I emerged from the store, new pants tucked carefully into a bag over my arm, the two of them were already standing outside at the rail stop waiting for the next car to come along. "Hey," I complained, wandering over to them, "I thought we were going to the smoothie place or something."

Hilde thumbed her nose at me, Heero looking on in tolerant amusement. "There's half a dozen restaurants and cafes at the mall, we can get something there." There was a humming noise, and an electric railcar whooshed out of the tunnel a few feet away and slid to a stop in front of us, the doors opening.

I followed Heero and Hilde into the transport, groaning theatrically at the thought of the mall. I was wearing my old black cargo jeans and a t-shirt, the heat of L2 summer negating any need for jackets. Hilde mirrored me in plain black loose pants and a tight white top covered in band logos, while Heero wore an ankle-length black skirt and a blue top with a strange slit neckline and loose sleeves. She hadn't lost much of the muscle she'd had a year ago; I wondered if she was still working out heavily.

It was only another two stops to the mall, going through the edge of the 'barrier' zone between the healthy and unhealthy parts of the colony. 'Unhealthy' for people who stayed too long, that is. The mall is in an entirely better area, with security guards and everything, and it locks at night so the junkies and homeless can't sleep inside. You still see the occasional beggar, and it's advisable to hang onto your valuables, but it's not actually physically dangerous, unlike some parts of town.

Hilde was giving Heero the spiel about keeping a damn close eye on her bag as we stepped out of the railcar into the forecourt of the shopping centre. Unlike an Earthside mall, there were very few cars parked out front, and only one motor service station for the little electric taxis lined up in a rank to one side. Most people in the Colonies travel by railcar or taxi on the few occasions when walking isn't practical; only the extremely rich own cars, and there are no petroleum fuels allowed anyway.

We headed for the front entrance of the mall; there was hardly anyone around at this time on a Friday, though a few hours later I knew the place would be packed. We nodded to one of the guards and waited our turn for the revolving doors. Stupid idea, in my opinion, but you can't have everything. I shuddered as Hilde's eyes lit up when the boulevards full of shopfronts opened up before us. Then my eyes snagged on something and I drew in a shocked gasp.

"That wasn't here before!"

'That' was a tech store, three units into the main mall, with displays of computer equipment and gadgetry lining its windows, complete with several posters advertising the new half-terahertz processors. "Oh man, I knew they were available on Earth, but�" I found myself standing in front of the window staring in at very possibly the shiniest laptop I'd ever seen, next to a pair of new-model handhelds.

"I never thought they'd export so soon," a reverent voice murmured beside me, and I turned to see Heero with her hands pressed against the window, in the throes of even more geek ecstasy than I was feeling. Our eyes met, and there was a mutual agreement between us. That agreement was 'wow.'

There was a dry cough from behind us. "Ahem." I turned, somewhat guiltily, to find Hilde giving us a wry look. "Haven't you forgotten something, Duo?" she said archly, rubbing her fingers together in the international symbol for credits. My enthusiasm abruptly deflated, and I gave a regretful glance to the toys in the window, sighing.

"Oh yeah." Damn, I'd really wanted one of those. With all that processing power, I could run my engineering programs from home, without needing to go on to campus and wait in line for the system resources to become available. Just the thought of enough power at my fingertips to run Peacemillion� Damn. "Oh well," I muttered; the dream had been sweet while it lasted.

Heero was staring at me curiously. "Duo, can't you� I mean, what� I thought you had hacked funds�"

I shook my head regretfully. "That all went into G's accounts � I had access, but after he was registered MIA they froze them. Pain in the ass, but I had a bit saved of my own." I shrugged. "I get by, ya know?"

Heero frowned in thought, then smiled shyly at me. "If you want� I diverted a lot from Romefeller accounts, you could�"

"No way!" I protested instinctively. I had my pride, after all.

"If you think about it," she observed quietly, "it belongs to you just as much as me. Most of it went through J's accounts, and I know G sent him lump sums at least once. We were the ones who worked for that � and you risked your life to save J. Most of it went to charities, but there's enough left to split between us."

I shook my head emphatically. "No way, Heero. I don't accept charity." She stared at me for a moment, then shrugged lightly, turning to the shop and wandering towards the door.

Hilde's elbow hit me in the ribs. "Idiot," she hissed, stalking after Heero. I blinked, wondering what I'd done wrong now, staring after the two of them as Hilde patted Heero's shoulder in a comforting way. I knew better than to ask either of them, but I had no clue what to apologise for. I followed them slowly into the store, wondering.

See, I'd thought that the whole super-hacker thing had been just another part of the Soldier personality (if that's not an oxymoron), but it looked like it was actually more of a personal interest. It made me think about a lot of things, and I didn't really pay much attention as I wandered through the aisles, checking out the desktop packages. Maybe I could persuade Hilde to upgrade the yard's system� except I'd built that damn system from the ground up a little over eight months ago, and it had been state-of-the-art then. It worked perfectly, and Hilde knew that as well as I did. Damn.

Heero and Hilde were over by the counter, talking to one of the sales guys about something or other while I browsed through the games aisle. I didn't pay much attention to the girls, but then I wasn't really paying attention to the games either; there was nothing new on the market at the moment.

I jerked around when someone called my name; Heero and Hilde were standing over by the door and obviously waiting for me.

"Coming!" I jogged over to meet them, the plastic sack with my new pants swinging from one fist. "Find what you wanted?" I asked casually as we resumed our stroll along the covered boulevard. Very unusually for L2, there were planters full of greenery set at intervals down the centre of the tiled walkway, and I brushed my fingers over the soft leaves of a trailing ivy stem as we passed.

Heero nodded slightly; I noticed that there was a slight blush on her face. "For a Colonial store, it's well-stocked�"

"But?" I queried, knowing that there was something else.

Heero flushed bright pink. "I think the sales guy� knew."

I blinked, wondering if I'd missed the main act. "Knew what?"

Heero ducked her head. "That I'm�" She trailed off, but by then my brain had belatedly made the connection and I was kicking myself, dragging the girls to a stop in the middle of the central plaza.

"Was he rude to you?" I was cracking my knuckles in anticipation. "I can go back and�"

"No!" Heero interrupted hastily, face crimson, while Hilde took the direct route and whacked me one with her purse. "It's all right, really," Heero stammered, looking anywhere but at me and suddenly I remembered that while she might look like a girl in the skirt, I had been taken down by those fists on more than one occasion.

"Okay, okay," I surrendered, backing off the issue quickly, while Hilde muttered uncomplimentary things about testosterone-fuelled idiots. That set me onto another train of thought, but it wasn't anything I wanted to get into in the middle of a crowded mall. I would ask Heero later.

"So, ladies," I put on my trademark grin and waved one hand with a flourish, "where do you want to go first?"

***

"Duo?"

The soft voice from the doorway caught me somewhat by surprise; I had been face-down in my books for the last few hours trying to get my class notes copied up for an exam the next week, and hadn't noticed anyone approach. With a sigh I abandoned my revision, rolling onto my side and propping my head on my fist.

"Hey Heero," I acknowledged, smiling reflexively. "Come to save my soul from the perils of non-redirectional fluid dynamics?" I flipped the textbook closed with one finger; it made a solid thunk as the pages met, the spine crackling. I would never understand why the University insisted on using such ancient study aides as real paper books. Four-inch-thick paper books at that; they were a danger and computerised systems would be infinitely more efficient, but hey. It's L2.

"No." She paused there for a moment, with one hand on the doorframe. In jeans she looked a little less feminine, but the obvious bustline beneath the college sweater was enough to distract the eye. Her hair was swept away from her face, and I realised for the first time that she must have plucked her eyebrows since they were no longer bushy. I wondered if that made the glare less effective, and snorted at myself for thinking such stupid things.

"Um," Heero began, shooting a nervous glance at me, and I realised that without the hair falling over her eyes, it was much harder for her to hide her feelings. Hey, maybe that's the reasoning behind the Brilliant Barton Bang! "I was wondering if we could talk," she finished uncertainly, one hand hovering somewhere behind her back.

"Sure." I pushed myself into a cross-legged position, absently shoving my books and notes off to one side. Thanks to Hilde's generosity, I had a double bed with plenty of room for stretching and rolling and spreading out my work. Nothing of any particular interest had occurred on it yet, but I was hoping that someday some beautiful young thing would jump me and demand to be screwed into my mattress�

Ah, hell, who was I kidding? I'd had a major fixation on my new houseguest even before I'd known the whole cross-gender thing, and that little revelation had done absolutely nothing to jolt me out of my crush. I was beginning to think that this might actually be that mythical 'it'� Okay, so I was mostly just horny, but damn did girl-Heero give me some major eye-candy vibes. Granted she wasn't as feminine-looking as most girls I would have considered beautiful, but maybe it's the bisexual thing; something about androgyny just gets me, somehow.

"Thanks." Heero gave me a tiny grin, climbing up onto my bedspread and mirroring my posture. I was a little surprised � not that I was staring at her crotch! � to see that there was absolutely no telltale bulge at all between her legs, and had to wonder what she'd done with� it.

"So." I leaned back on my arms nonchalantly, trying to discreetly eyeball my own groin to see if the position did anything for it. Sure enough there was a bulge, a pretty sizeable one if I do say so myself. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Me, I suppose," Heero murmured quietly; the voice she used when she was being 'herself' was only a little higher than the monotone I remembered, but there was a whole new range of subtlety in it. Intonation. "I wanted to thank you for being so calm about this. Even the shopping," she added with a wry smile as I groaned, wrapping my arms about my head. God, that had been a struggle. Hilde and Heero had dragged me from store to store, making me carry bags and provide opinions on clothing until I'd thought my brain was atrophying from boredom.

"It's fine, really," I reassured her. "Although I could have lived without the mall. But� Heero-chan, do you mind if I ask you some questions? It's a little, I dunno, personal�"

"That's OK," Heero reassured me, fiddling with the lavender-painted nails of one hand. "I don't mind you asking, Duo � we're friends. At least," she shot me a look from beneath her brows that couldn't seem to decide whether to be coy or nervous. "I think we are�"

"Friends," I reaffirmed with a decisive nod. "Actually, I was kinda wondering about what you� want to do. In the future, I mean. I sort of looked up some stuff on the net, and there was all sorts of info about hormone treatments and therapists and surgeries and stuff, and some of it kind of made me cringe but I figure that's a natural male reaction to the concept, and I was really kinda interested in what you wanted to do�" I trailed off sheepishly. "Um, right. I'll stop now�"

Heero was outright grinning at me. "Have you ever realised that you talk a lot when you're unsure of yourself?"

"Yeah, I had noticed that," I grumbled, tugging on my braid in frustration. Damn, me and my mouth!

"I want to have hormones," Heero began slowly, now frowning at something in the distance. "But I'm not officially seventeen until the first of January, and I don't want to do anything illegal if I don't have to. Then, I've been� moving around so much that I haven't been able to locate a reputable gender identity counsellor. I think I really want to wait until I've�" she made a gesture of frustration. "'Come out' is the best way to put it, I suppose. To everyone � the other pilots, and Relena especially. She deserves to know." There was something shadowy and almost haunted in her eyes, and I reached desperately for something to distract her without really knowing why.

"So is that why you came here? To find a counsellor?"

"Hm?" She looked up at me all at once with the most incredibly� simple expression on her face. "No. I came to see you." And all of a sudden it seemed like I couldn't breathe. Heero had been staring at me intently, but now she looked off to one side. "I received an invitation from Relena, she's holding a New Year's Ball this winter to celebrate a year of peace. It will mark the reopening of the Palace in Sanc. Everyone will be there, and I was wondering� if you'd like to come with me. As my date," she clarified when it seemed like my eyes couldn't bug any further out of my head.

There was a long, tense silence that only got longer and tenser until it was either croak out whatever words made it to my mouth first or expire of unsatisfied curiosity.

"Why me?" I managed to whisper after what felt like an age. "I mean," I gabbled in increasing hysteria, "I didn't get an invite, they probably don't want people like me there, who am I after all�?"

"I like you." The shy, muttered words cut through me like a double-bladed beam scythe, and believe me I know of what I speak. It didn't occur to me until a lot later that she'd spoken in Japanese, and the actual word she'd used was daisuki. Which, loosely translated�

"Holy fuck," I muttered, unable to remain silent any longer. Heero blushed the colour of a ripe tomato and hung her head miserably. I reached out purely on instinct to lift up her chin, incapable of standing that look on her face.

"No," I � protested? No idea. I only knew that Heero shouldn't be upset, that it was wrong. Maybe it was the testosterone kicking in again because after a long eyes-meeting-eyes moment I found myself leaning in towards her. "I like you too," I murmured in English, and kissed her.

I think, somewhere in the back of my mind beneath all the little layers of thought saying things like 'ooh, nice' and 'mmm' and 'wow,' I had meant for it to be a brief and chaste kiss, just a simple brush of lips. Heero scuppered that, though, by clutching at my shoulders with an almost uncomfortable grip and leaning practically into my lap as her lips opened to mine.

God, she was sweet. That was the only really coherent thought I had as I slowly explored her mouth with gentle licks and kisses. We were both so wrapped up in our private little world that the clearing of a throat from the doorway startled me almost out of my wits and caused Heero to topple forward, knocking me flat on my back.

I stared up at Hilde's amused face, feeling my own features turning a shade of red more suited for a tomato. "Uh�" I managed before hastily snapping my mouth shut; anything I could say she would undoubtedly find hilarious, and I had no wish to be laughed at. I'd catch hell from her later, anyway.

Hilde quirked an eyebrow up, smirking. "If you're going to be doing things like that, the least you could do is shut the door," was all she said as she backed out, closing it behind her. Heero and I stared at each other for a moment � she was sprawled on top of me in a rather indecent position that put us in about the maximum physical contact possible, and if I hadn't been so thoroughly embarrassed by Hilde I might have found it interesting in more than one way.

Heero was about as scarlet as I felt, her eyes wide white-edged blue. At this distance I could see the makeup more clearly, but it was still subtle, just eyeliner and a hint of colour on her eyelids.

"Um, Heero?" I ventured after a while.

"Hmm?" She shifted slightly against me, apparently entirely happy in our current position.

"If you're not on hormones� what are, um, those?" I made a weak gesture with the arm that wasn't curled protectively across her back, blushing again. "You know�"

"Hmm?" She stirred, eyelids fluttering shut as she exhaled, her breath a warm cloud against my neck. "Oh, these?" To my everlasting regret, she pulled away, sitting up and fiddling with the neck of her blouse.

I levered myself back into a sitting position as she opened her collar, and couldn't help but stare in shock as she shoved her hand down her chest and pulled out� something. There didn't really seem to be much difference in her silhouette, but in her palm was sitting something round and blue-grey and jelly-like.

"What is it?" I asked, baffled and daring to reach out and touch. It gave gently under my fingertip, its outer skin soft but strong-feeling.

"Gel inserts," she replied with a wry grin, bouncing the thing in her hand. It rippled almost obscenely, and I winced. "They're silicone-coated, the same kind of thing they use to make implants. With a padded bra, it feels almost real."

"You got that right," I muttered before realising what I'd said and flushing practically purple. "Uh, hehe," I managed weakly as she slipped the insert back into place and wriggled a little, arching an eyebrow at me. "Never mind?" I tried, but she just smiled at me, moving closer to kiss the corner of my mouth.

"So do you accept?"

"Huh?" I frowned, replaying the conversation to try and discover what I'd missed. Oh� "You mean Relena's ball?"

Heero nodded, smiling up at me. I noticed that she'd changed position, sitting with her legs bent beneath her and crooked to the side rather than cross-legged as I was. "Do you want to come with me?"

I didn't have to think twice about it. "I'd be honoured to be your date," I told her with absolute honesty and a weird little smile that I couldn't seem to shake. "Are you going to actually tell people in private first, or just turn up?"

"Oh, I'll tell them first," she laughed, eyes clear deep blue and smiling at me � for me. It made my stomach do strange things. "Otherwise there are likely to be all kinds of scenes."

I blinked, visualising Heero-chan walking into a roomful of politicians and officials on my arm � and the looks on Quatre, Relena and Wu Fei's faces. "God, I almost wish you could," I murmured, thinking of Wu Fei again. Even telling him in private, he was likely to explode! "Do you want me to be there when you tell them?" The way Wu Fei had respected soldier-Heero during the war � for his skills and unflappable temper � he was likely to get� well, maybe not violent, but offensive. "I can crack heads for you if anyone's rude."

"I can crack my own heads, thank you," Heero reminded me wryly, and I blushed again, once again taken by the curious dislocation that seemed to exist in my mind between who she was and who he had been. "But I think I'd like you to be there, for moral support if nothing else." She picked up one of my hands in hers, holding gently. I squeezed her fingers almost shyly; believe it or not that was the first time anyone had wanted to hold my hand. It felt� nice.

"That's cool." I smiled at her and we just sat there for several minutes, looking at each other.

The feel of her hand in mine distracted me from my vapid musings. Her fingers had the same roughness as mine, the same thick calluses that came from hours spent gripping mobile suits controls. Her skin was a little softer than mine, but the thickened skin was still there. Slowly, I turned her hand in mine to peer at her palm.

"You could get this removed, you know � there are softening treatments�"

Heero was shaking her head. "No. Not � not yet." There was a curious expression on her face, part loathing, part fear and part resignation. "Peace is so fragile at the moment � I can't just put the Soldier away, not yet�"

I frowned. "You think the peace won't last?" It was something I hadn't even considered; I had seen the reports of changes in governmental policy, watched with interest the formation of the new Preventer organisation that was supposed to guard against the appearance of new threats. I knew most of the members personally, and had no doubt that if it was possible to neutralise a threat they would do it.

"I hope it does," Heero told me quietly, face blank and serious. "I'm just afraid that it might not, and if I'm needed�"

"You want to be ready," I finished, understanding. It was the same reason why I had made damn sure in the past year to keep myself and my buddy in shape � before I'd sent him off to Q, anyway. It was difficult to let go of a lifetime lived in war.

"You understand," Heero sighed, relieved. Some of the emotion was coming back into her face, and I was glad. She might still need to keep the Soldier ready, but I wasn't at all sure that it was good for her to be so constantly torn between the two extremes of motivation.

Something occurred to me then. If this was going to be a formal ball, then that meant�

"Oh shit!" I exclaimed, as it sank in. "Now I've gotta get hold of a damn tux!"

***

I couldn't quite believe it at the time. I mean, let's face it, apart from the Gundam thing I was pretty much a nothing nobody. There was a reason I never got invites to these things, and there Heero was demanding I take her. I have to admit, the idea of showing up at Relena Peacecraft's place with Heero on my arm was� somewhat heady. It wasn't that I didn't like the girl, but we moved in vastly different circles. Hell, our circles weren't even speaking. There's a hell of a lot of difference between a palace and a gutter, you know?

Anyway, it was only October then, so I didn't really dwell on it much, aside from letting the girls drag me out shopping for suits every so often. I think they kept their gown-shopping to themselves, which was good because I was coming up on midterms and suddenly seemed to have a complete lack of free time.

Heero stuck around, spending a lot of her time on the scrapyard computers in 'payment' for Hilde's hospitality. To my vast annoyance, she managed to completely reconfigure the system I'd built so that its efficiency was increased by fifty percent. If it hadn't been Heero, I really might have been pissed off, but there are things you just accept, you know? The Earth is round, outer space has no air, Heero Yuy is the Master. Or Mistress, now. Damn, that sounds kinky�

Heheh. Mental images. Yeah, Heero and I had been sort-of-dating for a while, I suppose. We went out whenever I could spare the time from homework; I was beginning to see why most people spread their degrees over three or four years. When I was buried in notes to my eyebrows, Heero came and sat with me and we talked. Or just sat. And occasionally snuggled, I admit.

Okay, there was a bit of kissing that went on � pretty damn exciting kissing on occasions � but nothing more. Heero seemed happy with the way things were, and what with everything else I had no intention of pressing her. I sometimes wondered whether it was the gender thing that was holding her back from me, but to be absolutely honest it didn't feel like either of us were really 'holding back.' We were just� taking things slow.

Midterms loomed like an asteroid in a shuttle window, and faded behind me just as fast. Before I really knew it Christmas was rapidly approaching and I was faced with the daunting task of trying to figure out what the hell to get for Heero.

I'd never actually bought a gift for anyone before, if you can believe it. Before last year, I'd never had anyone to give things to, and last Christmas had passed totally unnoticed amidst declarations of surrender and governmental and military manoeuvring. Heero had vanished, and the rest of us spent most of the day hovering anxiously over Quatre's hospital bed and terrorising the nurses. Made a change from the whole damn Earth Sphere, anyway. I have vague memories of sticking scraps of paper and fabric to make Christmas cards for the Father and Sister Helen, but rationing was horrendously tight and we'd celebrated a Catholic Christmas anyway, rather than the more modern commercialised version.

End result, I had no clue how to even go about picking a gift for someone, especially not someone I was so close to. What do you get for your girlfriend, who is actually technically a boy and who used to save your life regularly, anyway?

I'd been saving my spare money for a while, and I had enough left over from the Tux Fiasco to get something fairly special, so since I'd already bought Hilde's present � she'd wanted a rare-edition anime vid, which I'd happened to find at a second-hand store that summer � I co-opted her to the search.

She started out being reasonable � I'd dragged her out with me to the bar on the corner of 35th and Drake street, and explained my problem over beer, so it was pretty much calculated that she'd listen.

"Well, what do you want to get her?" she asked in all sensibility as soon as I'd done ranting and pulling my hair out. It was mid-December and every store window was decorated with tinsel and various sparklies. Of course, most of them were barred and grated too, but on L2 no one thinks anything of that.

"I don't know!" I explained, making a rather forceful gesture that almost knocked Hilde's pint over. Once she'd rescued it and done glaring at me I continued. "I mean, I want it to be something special, and something pretty 'n girly 'cause she'd like that, but I have no clue about that kinda shit, Hil."

She huffed irritatedly, puffing her bangs out over her eyes. "Honestly, Duo, you are such a man. C'mon," she paused to chug the last of her beer and slap down a handful of credits on the bar, "we're going shopping."

I swear to God, that blasted woman dragged me round every department store and mall on L2 that weekend. Heero didn't seem bothered by our essentially forcing her to mind the yard for two days straight, but then she'd said she had a special 'project' of her own, and Hilde was probably bemoaning my incompetence to her in private anyway.

Surprisingly, Hil was actually quite a bit of use. She found me a good middle-of-the-range jeweller's and helped me pick out a sapphire-and-lapis necklace that matched the colour of Heero's eyes, and a pair of sparkly little earrings that she said were called studs, excuse me if I snicker. Hilde's idea was that I should offer to go with Heero to get her ears pierced while we were on Earth, as a sort of year-of-peace celebration. A rite of passage, really; another way to help her let go of the Soldier.

When she tried to drag me into the lingerie boutique, though, I balked. No way in hell was she getting me to wander around through racks of lacy, silky, satiny� things. I couldn't look in the window of the shop without shuddering at the thought of how the salesgirls would laugh.

In the end, Hilde had to calm me down by pulling me over to a caf� for a soothing cup of coffee and some chocolate cake. Settling me at a table with my precious caffeine, she gave me a long-suffering look and explained very carefully that at this time of year that shop probably saw more men than women what with all the guys trying to buy gifts for wives and girlfriends. That thawed my icy determination some, and then she busted it completely to smithereens by pointing out that this was probably how Heero felt every time she went into one of those shops � that she would be found out, laughed at, whispered about behind hands.

I slumped over the table, breathing in espresso steam. "Damn, Hil," I muttered ruefully, "you sure know how to kick a guy up the ass."

"Practice," she informed me ruefully, and neatly snagged my dessert plate away from my questing fingers, polishing off my slice of gateau. "Hormones," was all she said to my protests, and that one word was enough to get me to back off.

Hey, I'd been living with her for almost a year at that point; I knew when to shut the hell up.

So we ended up in the lingerie store after all, me cringing all the way and Hilde sadistically stopping every few seconds to ooh and ah over every little scrap of lacy fabric.

To my everlasting thanks, once she got down to the job in hand, she led me right past the displays of bras and panties, explaining that as a gift those were more� intimate. Besides, neither of us knew the proper sizes and apparently that's important. Instead, Hilde decided that it would make more sense for me to get Heero something 'sexy and floaty' � her words. She pointed me at a display of camisole-type-thingies and told me to pick out what I liked.

Can you say 'bug-eyed'? I stared � rather apprehensively � at the stuff and tried not to have a heart attack. Some things I could see were unsuitable, and others seemed kind of slutty, and then a lot of them were pink. Not a good colour for any kind of garment. I poked hesitantly at a couple of satiny things, and tried to imagine Heero wearing them rather than the faceless store mannequins.

To my surprise, that tactic actually proved effective; I could visualise Heero standing in the doorway of my room wearing nothing but lacy, floating scraps of silk so easily that I very nearly ended up with an embarrassingly public hard-on. Hastily controlling myself, I swallowed and reached out towards one garment in particular. It was a deep, almost black shade of blue, and made up of two layers of flimsy, semi-transparent silk laid over top of each other, with a paler blue lace panel over the chest area. The straps were very thin, and the whole thing seemed barely more than a wisp of gossamer; it was so soft and fine that my hands felt hugely clumsy by comparison.

"That one?" Hilde had materialised by my shoulder again, lifting the hanger from the rack and examining the garment minutely. She seemed pleased, but looked at me curiously, and I groped for words to describe the way I could see Heero's golden-toned skin glowing warmly against the dark fabric. The mental image was indescribable. Shrugging, Hilde checked the label, and then found what I assumed to be the right size. Then she led me to another rack and found a pair of what I learned were called 'French Knickers' that matched the top. They were almost like flimsy, lace-trimmed boxer shorts, which I found strangely amusing, but there was absolutely nothing masculine about them whatsoever. I thought � hoped � Heero would be pleased.

I had the store wrap the gifts in tissue paper, and when I got home I put them away in the bottom of my suitcase and didn't think much more about them. Quatre had invited all of the pilots to spend the holidays with him at the Winner house in Sanc before attending Relena's gathering, even though as a Muslim he didn't observe the festival at all. He'd said that for him it would be a celebration of a year of peace, and a way to see his friends again, and that that was enough. Fine by me, I'd told him, and after some discussion Heero and I had agreed to spend Christmas on Earth. Heero was hoping that with a little over a week together, she'd be able to find the opportune moment to drop her little bombshell. She'd decided to spend at least the first few days in male clothing so as not to induce heart failure in any of our friends or acquaintances, though she clearly found it uncomfortable. For my part, I would have to attempt to remember not to refer to Heero as 'she' when talking to the others.

Anyway, on the twenty-third of December Heero and I waved goodbye to Hilde at the spaceport � we'd given her our gifts already � and boarded our shuttle to Quatre's place in Sanc.

We never got there. About halfway through re-entry there was a burst of static over the radio and a voice came through for an instant, mentioning a Mariemaia Khushrenada. As you can imagine, the minute we landed Heero and I were the hell out of there in search of reliable information. We found it in an abandoned security office where Heero hacked the Preventer computers and then announced that Relena had been kidnapped.

It pretty much all went to Hell from there.

***

I limped slowly over to the makeshift hospital that had been set up in the gardens of the Presidential Palace, my heart feeling like it was permanently lodged in my throat. Damn it, I'd seen Wing Zero explode with my own eyes � well all right, my buddy's screens, but Deathscythe doesn't lie. I couldn't see how Heero could have escaped that firestorm; the only reason he'd managed to survive the self-detonation of Wing in Siberia had been because he'd been outside the cockpit.

As I was crawling over a pile of mangled girders and suit components, it hit me that I was thinking of Heero as 'he' again. Guess a sucker punch'll do that for you; while the reality of girl-Heero had sunk in when I'd been in close contact with her, a week fighting alongside the Soldier tends to leave you in no doubt as to your own inferiority.

Still, if Heero was dead it wouldn't make a blind bit of difference. I scanned the ranks of tents that had been erected among the lawns and shrubberies, wondering where to go for information. As it turned out, information found me; one of the nurses that had been drafted from local hospitals got a look at me as I was limping over to the big marquee and hurried over to lend me a shoulder.

"Nah, I'm fine." I tried to wave her away, but she got a stubborn look on her face and all but dragged me inside. The thing was set up as an emergency ward, and I was dragged right down the middle of it, trying to get a look at the patients lying in the beds to either side. Some of them seemed pretty mangled, but none of them seemed to be Heero.

The nurse � a tiny little blonde woman with a jaw like iron � 'escorted' me to a screened off booth and sat me down on a hospital bed. "Now, let's have a look at you, young man. Were you caught in the fighting?"

"No, really, I'm fine," I tried to protest, half-heartedly fending off her attempts to examine me for wounds. "I wrenched my ankle getting outta the cockpit is all, it'll be fine by tomorrow."

"Hm." She grabbed hold of my left leg and began trying to work my boot off. Hurt like a motherfucker; the ankle had swollen a little and the boot was tight. I hadn't lied, though; it really would be okay in twenty-four hours or so. Accelerated healing, courtesy of G.

"Here, I'll do it," I told the nurse quietly and reached down, slitting the knotted laced with my knife and peeling back the leather, yanking my foot free. Ouch.

The woman blinked at the knife, and frankly stared as she saw the condition of my ankle, apparently putting two and two together for the first time. "You're not one of Barton's men," she said at last. "So either you're a Preventer, and you're too young for that, or you're�" She trailed off, her eyes widening as I ducked my head.

"Zero-Two at your service," I quipped, "though I'd appreciate it if you didn't spread that around, ma'am." She nodded, somewhat dazed-looking, and I just hoped she hadn't lost anyone in the wars. "Uh, could you just strap this up for me?" I asked somewhat nervously. "I can manage after that, and I need to find� my friend."

She seemed to shake off her stillness like rain, taking refuge in her job. "Of course." She took my ankle carefully in both hands, manipulating the joint and seeming satisfied that it really was only twisted. My own stupidity, that; I'd been in such a hurry to get to Heero that I'd not bothered with the cockpit zip-line. Quatre would probably scold me when he caught up with me, I thought with amusement.

The nurse deftly tied off the pressure bandage and stepped back. "There you go. Try to keep off it as much as possible."

"Thanks." I flashed her grin, ignoring the pain as I shoved my foot back into my boot and laced it tightly. That would help to keep the swelling down as well as providing support. "Um, could you tell me � do you know what happened to Heero Yuy?"

"Heero Yuy?" She frowned, her brow crinkling, and I cringed internally, already anticipating the news. "I don�t� wait a minute. Do you mean the other boy they brought in? About so high," she gestured in the air between us, "dark messy hair and a green vest?"

"That's the one." I grinned in relief; they wouldn't have bothered to bring he � him in if he was dead. "Where is he?"

"The small green tent at the end." She pointed over to one side, towards one of the openings in the wall of the marquee. "I think the young lady is still with him, if you want to go on over."

The 'young lady' would obviously be Relena. I bit my lip, hoping she wouldn't hassle Heero too much. "Thank you, ma'am." I grinned and gave her a jaunty salute, flipping my somewhat mangled braid over my shoulder and pulling myself to my feet. "I'll just be going, then."

The little nurse-woman clicked her tongue at me. "On that ankle? Just wait here a minute, I'll get you a crutch!" She was gone before I could protest that I was fine, though I knew that anyone else would need painkillers at this point. It didn't really concern me much.

"Here." She was back, breathless and flushed and proffering a standard hospital crutch that had obviously been last used by someone a hell of a lot taller than me. I popped in the pins with a grunt of effort and shortened the leg of the thing to the correct height, twisting it until the catches locked while the nurse frankly gawked.

"Thanks, lady." I nodded to her, limping out of the examining area as quickly as I could before she decided to foist more medical attention on me. Grinning to myself, I wondered if she'd ever tell stories of the time she'd met a Gundam pilot � and treated his sprained ankle.

It was a stupid thought, and I realised just how foolish I was being when I ducked beneath the flap of the green army tent and saw a small red-headed child slumped in a screened-off hospital bed, her entire torso wrapped in bloodstained bandages.

Mariemaia? I was about to go to her bedside when I saw Heero and drew up short. Flat on his back in another hospital bed, a sheet drawn up over his bare chest and an IV stuck into his arm. Eyes closed and utterly motionless apart from the soft rise and fall of slow breaths.

I have never moved so fast in my life as I did in that moment, despite the ankle. I was surprised to find myself suddenly leaning heavily on my crutch at Heero's bedside, staring across at Relena Peacecraft, who appeared to be in tears.

Have I mentioned that crying women scare the shit outta me? Well, they do. Maybe a part of it has something to do with my last sight of Sister Helen, but mostly it's that I have no clue what the hell I'm supposed to do about it. Do they want me to give them a hug? Pat them on the back and say 'there there' or something equally inane? Just ignore it and carry on? I have no idea.

So there I was, with my ankle beginning to protest the abrupt journey and the former Queen of the World sniffling into a hankie and overflowing from the eyes. Heero, being flat out on the bed and to all appearances comatose, was no help whatsoever.

"Um," I tried helplessly, wondering what the hell I should say. "Miss Relena?"

"Hmm?" She looked up from her hankie, seemingly surprised to see me there. "Oh! Duo! Is everyone else okay? My brother � Noin�"

"Everyone's fine," I reassured her hastily. "Even the rebel soldiers; we only disabled their suits and they've all surrendered now."

"Oh. Good." She looked down at Heero, so flat and still, and burst into a fresh flood of tears, patting distractedly at her face with the cloth. I suppressed a sigh; perhaps it would have been easier to find one of the doctors.

"Miss Relena, what's the matter with Heero?" I tried once her sobs seemed to have died down a bit, hoping it might distract her. That and I was about frantic to know. Obviously she wasn't dead or seriously injured, but� Damn it all, Wing Zero had fucking exploded! The last time that had happened he'd been comatose for a month!

"I don't know!" She cried, scrubbing at her face almost frantically. I noticed that what remained of her makeup had run, but decided it wasn't polite to say anything. In this situation, it hardly mattered. "He just appeared in the bunker � he tried to shoot Mariemaia, and then he fell over!"

"He shot the kid?" I exclaimed in trepidation, knowing full well what another child's death on her conscience would do to Heero.

"No, he didn't have any bullets left," Relena answered absently, her eyes glued again to Heero's face.

"Uh-huh." Well, that was a relief anyway. "What did the doctors say?"

"Hm?" She looked back up at me, seeming a little calmer now. "Oh. He has two cracked ribs. They say he's just resting."

"All right." I nodded at her, and she went back to watching Heero. I limped down to the end of the bed and picked up the chart to get a clearer view of the picture. Multiple contusions, possible concussion, some abrasions and scorching to the extremities, as well as the ribs Relena had mentioned. All in all, pretty damn trifling for being the results of a small thermonuclear explosion. Even his rad count was borderline normal already. I was impressed, and more curious than ever about what that old bastard J had done to his 'weapon.'

One of the monitors Heero was hooked up to gave a tiny beep before returning to normal. I felt my eyes narrow, remembering a certain incident at the Alliance medical base. "Heero, you're safe," I said quietly, limping back up to the head of the bed. "You're in a hospital tent; how much do you remember?"

Slowly, deep midnight eyes opened, fixing onto my face. Relena gasped, her hands flying up to cover her mouth. I grinned, relieved that I'd guessed right. "Welcome back to the land of the living," I murmured wryly. "How do you feel?"

Heero's eyes wavered for a moment, seeming to look inward. "Crappy," she croaked � it was hoarse, but it was my Heero's voice. I breathed a sigh of relief, already reaching for the water glass.

"Here." I held it for her to drink, unable to keep the smile from my face. Relena was giving us strange looks, and Heero looked more than a little uncomfortable with her lack of clothing, but the war was over, and she was going to be okay. We were going to be okay.

***

I sipped my beer nervously, and tried not to look as though I was about to have kittens. After Heero'd recovered, Quatre had insisted we all head back to his place and continue with the celebration that he'd originally planned to hold. This included gift-giving � in public. Yeah. Quat had had our baggage picked up from the spaceport where we'd abandoned it, and insisted on doing the whole traditional gathering-round-the-tree thing with the five of us, Sally (who had dragged Wu Fei along against his protests) and Relena.

It was the fifth of January, and Relena in her infinite wisdom had rescheduled her New Year's Eve Ball to Twelfth Night, in honour of the reattainment of peace or some such. All this, of course, gave Heero very little choice in the matter of when she was going to 'come out.' I mean, she had brought a gown for the ball, and was taking me as her date, not to mention the gifts I'd got for her. But Quatre was insistent; we had to go to the ball, and we had to do the presents thing the night before.

So there I was, sitting in Q's rather opulent lounge � it was mostly dark wood and red velvet, actually kinda cool � drinking my beer and wondering what to say. Heero and I had decided that I should at least try to warn the guys about the shock they were going to receive, so I had wandered in here directly after dinner and spent my time alternately fidgeting and pacing. Trowa and Wu Fei were looking at me strangely, while Sally and Relena were talking in low tones and pretending to peruse the bookshelves. I was all but ready to pick the wrapping paper off the gifts I had piled up on the couch beside me, and inevitably the package getting the most attention was the one containing that filmy, lacy set of underwear. If I managed to make it through the night without spontaneously combusting I would be very surprised.

Finally � finally! � Quatre slipped through the double doors of the lounge, frowning about something as he looked us over. "Where's Heero?" he asked absently, rubbing his chest in a strange circular motion as he went to sit beside Trowa on the opposite couch, shifting some of their pile of gifts to the floor to make room. "Is he okay?"

"Fine." I took a deep breath, steeling myself to get my part over with. "Look, about that�" I looked around the room, noting the curious, puzzled faces. "Heero has something to tell you." I wriggled uncomfortably. "Um, you might be shocked, or kinda upset, but could you do me a favour and try not to react angrily? Sh � He's pretty nervous about this."

Of them all, only Trowa and Sally seemed to catch my slight slip; presumably the others thought I'd merely squashed an expletive, but those two were giving me thoughtful looks. Quatre cocked his head at me. "You know I'd never judge anyone, Duo."

"Yeah, I know." I managed a worried grin for him and was rewarded with a beaming smile. "Seriously, though, guys, can you try and stay calm?"

Wu Fei was frowning at me. "Is whatever this is really that bad?"

"No." I was immediate, and definite, about that. "I don't think so for a moment."

"Me either." Heero's voice from the doorway startled me so badly that I jumped; I hadn't realised she'd been listening. Heads snapped up all around the room, and jaws dropped.

Including mine. I'd thought Heero intended to wear her plain 'male' clothes to make her revelation, but obviously she'd decided against that. Or else she was trying to make a statement. She was wearing just-shy-of-fitted women's jeans beneath a bulky grey Arran sweater that came almost to her knees, and she had her hair slicked back neatly and her makeup on. Nothing really blatant, but with the 'breasts' showing beneath the thick wool it couldn't be anything less than definite which side of the gender divide she was pitching her tent on.

You could have heard a pin drop. I swear to God Wu Fei's eyes were starting to bulge out, and Relena wasn't much better. Even calm, urbane Sally looked a little shocked.

Finally Quatre blinked the astonishment from his eyes enough to query, "Heero?"

"Yes, it's me." Heero smiled nervously, moving around the edge of the couch to sit down next to me more than a little uncomfortably. "This� is what I have to tell you. I'm transsexual. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

"Transsexual?!" Amazingly enough, Wu Fei had managed to regain coherency. I winced at the almost distraught tone of his voice, but Sally put a soothing hand on his arm and he subsided back into the sofa cushions, still looking utterly gobsmacked.

"How long?" she asked calmly; apparently she had gotten over her own shock already.

"All my life." Heero shrugged shyly, dropping her eyes. "Circumstances forced me to become a soldier in order to survive, but I would have lived as a girl if I'd been able." She sounded almost miserable; without thinking I groped for her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

Sally was nodding encouragingly. "Do you have a counsellor?"

"No, not yet. I want � I didn't want to start hormones or pre-op until I was sure peace would last. Compromising my fitness," she murmured bitterly to herself, clutching my fingers tightly.

"Well, if you need someone I'd be happy to make some recommendations," Sally said, smiling. "We can talk about it later, if you like." She glanced across at Relena, and I followed her gaze. The blonde girl was sitting bolt upright in an armchair, looking like she was about to either cry or faint, but as if she noticed our eyes on her she made a visible effort to pull herself together.

"Heero, is this true?" she quavered out, still looking absolutely miserable.

Heero's expression mirrored hers for a moment. "Yes. I'm sorry if I misled you in any way, Relena. I have� great respect for you." I made a mental note to make sure that those two had a private conversation sometime tomorrow; there were issues that would have to be got out of the way before they could interact comfortably in public.

My eyes were drawn to the other pilots, all of whom looked a little shell-shocked. Wu Fei appeared to have no words; he was looking at Heero as though she'd sprouted tentacles and turned green. Trowa seemed calmer, his eyes appraising her calmly, and Quatre was clinging to one of his lover's arms, rubbing at his chest again.

He caught my glance and smiled, purposefully including Heero in the light of the miniature sunbeam. "This explains a lot," was all he said before he became all business again. "Right!" He announced, clapping his hands. "I refuse to let this interrupt our evening! Who wants to go first?"

I glanced around the room with amusement as utter silence reigned. Finally, with a small grin, Sally stirred. "I suppose I will," she drawled, shifting in her seat to reach the small pile of gifts by her feet. "I warn you, I wasn't really able to get anything special. Here." She passed out six little packages wrapped in red paper, with a small extra box for Wu Fei and four envelopes for the rest of the pilots.

I opened the envelope first, and was more than a little stunned to find a belated Christmas card from Lady Une along with a lengthy piece of typed paper. I skimmed it quickly, my eyes widening as I realised what it was. The Director of the Preventers was offering me � me, street rat of very dubious criminal background � a position in her agency. I blinked in astonishment, turning to see that Heero had received a similar letter, along with Trowa and Q. We were all looking rather shell-shocked, but Wu Fei's expression took the cake. He had opened the wooden box to reveal a very shiny-looking Preventer-issue gun, and a badge. I'd heard he'd already accepted an Agent's place, but hadn't realised they'd commission him so quickly. I added my voice to the others', congratulating him and relieved to see that his good humour had been entirely restored.

Opening the packages Sally had given us, we all found copies of various different vid-disks; mine was a slasher flick while Heero's was a big-budget action film. We all grinned and thanked Sally, and Relena took the next turn, handing out parcels. Mine was heavy and rectangular, and I frowned, wondering what it could be as I surveyed with amusement the rather ungainly shape of the gift Relena had given Heero. I paused for a moment, watching her unwrap it to reveal a small, white teddy-bear with a blue bow around his neck and deep brown eyes. I grinned a little at the idea, wondering if it was a gag gift, but to my astonishment Heero's eyes welled up and she gave the other girl a watery smile as she whispered her thanks, cradling the bear protectively. Relena smiled back with a nod, and I frowned in puzzlement, scenting something private between the two of them.

My gift from Relena turned out to be a wooden backgammon set in a beautifully lacquered box. I smoothed my hands over the varnish as it took me back to L2 with a start; I'd played the game with Solo using scraps of rubbish for counters and a board scratched into the dust.

Eventually, after I'd received a glazed porcelain reaper figure from Trowa and copies of the latest vid-games that hadn't yet been released in the Colonies from Quatre, I set aside the enamelled black knife set that Wu Fei had given me and took a deep breath, reaching for my own pile.

"My turn." I passed out gifts to Q, Tro, Fei, Relena and Sally, but had to wait a moment to screw up my courage before I turned to face Heero.

"Heero-chan, these are for you. I� well, you know why," I finished quietly with a glance at the others, who were ripping into paper. I set the two packages on Heero's knees and scooted back anxiously, already blushing furiously. I scarcely heard the thanks of the others as I watched her purple-painted fingernails unpicking the wrappings.

Heero tackled the smaller box first, and I could barely breathe as I watched. All eyes in the room were now on us, and I could feel the weight of every gaze. At length Heero pulled tissue paper away from the wide, flat jewellery box and cracked it open with a glance at me. The next moment her eyes went wide and delighted, and I felt a profound rush of relief, only to balk again at the realisation of what was coming next.

"Thank you," Heero said softly, setting the box blindly aside, her eyes fixed on mine as she unwrapped the second gift. I thought my face might conceivably be about to burst into flame as paper and tissue slithered aside�

Her eyes widened and her mouth opened and her face turned every shade of pink imaginable as she slowly lifted the garments that suddenly seemed very skimpy and indecent. There was an outbreak of coughing from Trowa and Quatre's direction, but I didn't really pay it much attention because I suddenly had an armful of delighted Heero clinging to me.

"Thank you," she whispered into my ear after a long moment, her breath stirring my hair and shivering my skin. "They're beautiful."

We only remembered the others when Sally cleared her throat in a deliberate manner. Heero pulled back from me, flushing darkly and fumbling to pass out her own gifts. Yet again we were the recipients of uncomfortable, slightly disbelieving stares from the others. I was trying to work out what the hell to do now when Heero handed me a large, heavy box with a very shy smile.

With some trepidation, I untied the ribbon and lifted the lid, and my eyes just about fell out of my skull.

It was a laptop. Not just any laptop; this machine was even shinier-looking than the one I'd lusted after at the mall. And instantly, I knew what Heero'd done. My mouth opened to protest, but no sound came out. I was torn between two desperate desires; to cling to my newest toy or to kiss the almighty hell out of my girlfriend.

"I built it myself," Heero said quietly. "It's completely configured; the password is shinigami."

There just weren't words. "Oh God," I muttered, flinging my arms around her and cradling her close. I was stunned by the sheer effort this must have taken; the cost of the components became practically meaningless next to the amount of time and energy she had put into this project. All for me.

When we finally surfaced from our own little world, the others were giving us very wry looks. Trowa was the one to say it, breaking the embarrassed silence. "I take it you two have another secret?"

"Uh, yeah." I flushed yet again, my eyes darting to Relena. To my surprise, she looked more resigned than anything. Certainly not as though she was about to burst into hysterics, anyway.

Heero was holding my hand proprietarily as the others thanked her for the gifts; I saw that she'd got Wu Fei a pair of traditional ceramic knives, and smiled. Her gift to Relena was puzzling, a pair of silver filigree picture frames that the girl gasped over as if they were worth ten times as much. I realised why when she turned to display them to us; they held photographs of herself with her two families � at ten or twelve with the Darlians, and as a baby on the knee of King Peacecraft.

The party broke up a little then, groups gathering to exclaim over gifts and discuss the rebuilding of the presidential palace, among other things. Relena drifted towards Heero and I, and the pair of them started talking in low tones, so I made myself scarce with a reassuring squeeze to Heero's hand as farewell.

I ended up talking to Sally, and almost the first thing she asked me was how long I'd known about Heero's 'secret.'

"Way over a year," I answered honestly, unable to resist glancing back at her where she sat on the couch. Sally gave me an indulgent smile.

"You know, the job offer is good for support posts too, not just field Agents. You might let her know that we're in dire need of a head of IT, if she doesn't want to take an active role."

I nodded thoughtfully, considering it. "I'll tell her."

***

I was fidgeting again. This time it was the embroidered cuffs of my shirt that were receiving the attention rather than wrapping papers; they were hot and itchy. I've never liked wearing long sleeves, but there isn't exactly all that much choice when it comes to formal suits.

"Where are they?" I muttered for the third or fourth time, whirling to pace the formal entrance hall again. I wasn't the only nervous one; Wu Fei looked as though he'd swallowed something deeply unpleasant. He was wearing formal white evening dress in a traditional Chinese style, and miracle of miracles had actually let his hair partially down. It made him look completely different.

"I'm sure they'll be down in a minute." Quatre was positively smirking at the two of us. It was all right for him; he had Trowa standing next to him, both of them in impeccable matching shades of grey with crisp white ruffled shirts. Neither of them had to wait for their dates to finish getting ready. Then, too, Sally was in a bad mood about being forced to wear a dress, and Heero was so nervous you could see her shake. I'd taken her out that afternoon for coffee, in an effort to calm her a little; she'd been absolutely certain that everyone at the ball would know that she was male the instant she walked through the door.

She'd been sat in the caf�, hunched over a mug of hot chocolate and a slice of cake when I'd made the � rather calculated, I admit � suggestion.

"You know, I was thinking," I started, trying to provoke a little interest. As I'd hoped, she looked up curiously.

"Hmm?"

"You want to� get rid of the Soldier, right? Or maybe not 'get rid of it'," I amended as she frowned. "More like put it aside?"

"I suppose�" Her eyes turned inward in thought, and I added more persuasions to the heap.

"I doubt there'll be another war, not after this. Barton threw everything he had at us, and didn't succeed, so no one else will want to try."

"Mm. You might be right." A small smile appeared on her lips, and her eyes brightened a little. "So�?"

She knew me pretty well. I grinned wryly. "So, I thought you might like to do something more� permanent. As a new beginning, I suppose. It's why I got you those earrings."

"Huh. You mean get my ears pierced?" She put a hand up, touching her earlobes thoughtfully. "That� I�" She fell silent, considering it as she absently ate another forkful of sticky cake.

"I thought about getting one myself, you know," I continued, talking mostly to fill the silence. "Maybe a silver ring in one ear or something. But�" I trailed off because Heero was shaking her head.

"No. You get mistaken for a girl enough already." I scowled; she was grinning at me, the little minx.

"Look, just because I have long hair�!" She was outright laughing by then, which made an improvement on the nervous jitters. I grinned, dropping the fa�ade of irritation. "So, whaddaya say, Heero-chan?"

She blinked at me. "You mean, go and get it done now?"

"Uh-huh." I nodded encouragingly. "I even brought the studs, look." I pulled the little earring box out of my pocket and opened it for her. I was rewarded with a smile that outshone the diamonds.

"Okay." She stuffed the final forkful of cake into her mouth and washed it down with the rest of her chocolate. "But where can we go�?"

"Hold on a minute." I got up from the table, approaching a waitress who was cleaning tables on the other side of the room. "Excuse me, miss? Is there a place round here that does ear piercing?"

"Piercing?" She straightened up, frowning thoughtfully. "Um, there's a hair salon just along the road that does ears, but if you go a little further to Paschendale Gardens there's a specialist shop, and they're a lot better."

"Thanks." I gave her a grin and a nod, noting the number of silver rings through her own earlobes and cartilage, and made my way back to Heero. "Apparently, there's a store just around the corner."

"Right." Heero set her cup down on the table and stood. "Let's go, then."

So I ended up holding her hand while the tattooed woman in the shop drew dots on her earlobes and then inserted the electric needles that would both pierce and cauterise. She helped Heero to put the little diamond studs through the holes, and gave her some solution to wash them with.

Afterwards, Heero'd seemed rather surprised that it actually hadn't hurt, and I'd remembered her pain tolerance. At any rate, the earrings looked beautiful and she spent a lot of time shyly admiring them in mirrors, and shop windows, and� you get the picture. So it had been an afternoon well-spent, in my view, and the moment we'd got back to Q's place Heero had dashed off to get herself ready for the ball. Apparently this was a process that took some hours, because I hadn't seen her since.

I admit it kinda mystified me a little, the sheer amount of time women seemed to spend getting ready to go out. I'd seen it with Hilde, and I swear Heero had it worse. I mean, granted they do more stuff than guys, but even showering, shaving, brushing your hair and putting clothes and makeup on shouldn't ought to take this long. I said as much to Quatre, who just laughed.

"You haven't seen anything until you've had to wait for fifteen of them at once!"

"Women," Wu Fei muttered under his breath, glaring at his watch. We weren't actually late yet, but it might be a close thing. Oh well, I shrugged to myself, we'd make a fashionable entrance. Where on earth was Heero?!

There was a discreet cough from the top of the stairs, and we all looked up. Sally was standing there, wearing a golden-amber evening gown that left her shoulders bare and with her hair done up in a smooth roll at the back. I think it's called a chignon or something; my hairdressing experience is limited to three different ways to braid my hair without tangling it irreparably.

Sally descended the stairs with a click of heels to take Wu Fei's arm. I snickered at the expression on my Chinese friend's face; he looked completely gobsmacked and I had a sneaking suspicion that his doom had been sealed.

Another swoosh of fabric made me look up, and I promptly imitated Wu Fei's carp impression. Heero looked� unbelievable. She was wearing a dark-blue dress with a high curved neckline that swept smoothly to the floor in front with a little train at the back. The sleeves were long and trailing, with lace edging and embroidery, and the skirt belled out into a smooth satin curve. She looked like a medieval princess.

I couldn't tear my eyes away as she descended the stairs slowly, carefully lifting her skirts to reveal delicate blue heeled sandals. The necklace I had given her sparkled at her throat, and her hair was swept back and curled so that it flicked out at the ends, fastened back from her face on one side with a spray of tiny white flowers. I didn't have words to tell her how beautiful she looked, but she was more interested in looking me over as she swept to a stop before me.

I had to admit my own outfit left nothing to chance. Predictably, I'd gone for black, but the shirt was embroidered with silk threads and the suit jacket was knee-length and flared. It looked like one of those things the Romefeller bigwigs had used to wear, but with a hell of a lot more class. I'd even tied off my braid with a black velvet ribbon. The smile Heero gave me said she approved, and I managed to stop gaping enough to give her an answering grin as she took my arm and we followed Trowa and Quatre out to the limo.

I'd managed to get over the initial shock by the time we arrived at the Palace, but I couldn't seem to keep my eyes off Heero. I'm sure we looked utterly besotted with each other as we swished into the ballroom behind Fei and Sally, who were only marginally less lovey-dovey. As I had predicted, the place was awash with politicians and aristocrats, most of whom hadn't the first clue who the hell we were. Heero got quite a few admiring glances, a fact which I pointed out to her as we queued up to greet Relena and her brother. Noin was with Zechs, and I gave them a nervous grin, hoping that they had been warned of Heero's transformation.

It appeared that they had; Zechs kissed Heero's hand with perfect aplomb, murmuring a compliment as he'd done to every other woman in the line-up, and I breathed a tiny sigh of relief. There was no one else here who would recognise Heero from before. I grinned at Noin as I imitated Zechs' elegant manoeuvre, bowing over her hand. She rolled her eyes at me, then gave me a conspiratorial wink; I knew she found these occasions just as bafflingly tedious as I did.

Then we were standing before Relena, and I was rather surprised when Heero dipped into a perfect curtsy. Her Highness quirked a smile though, taking Heero's hands and kissing her on the cheek before doing the same for me. I was surprised, but that was nothing to the rest of the room; murmurs ran through the crowd as everyone and his aunt tried to work out who the hell the long-haired boy and short-haired girl were.

A servant in flawless black tie bowed before us, leading us across the enormous room to our table, where Quatre and Trowa were already seated, talking animatedly with Sally. Wu Fei was mostly silent, but he did give us a grudging nod as I held a chair for Heero � Quatre'd coached me on manners that morning � and then seated myself. The little tables were set for six each, and I appreciated Relena's tact in making sure that none of us would have to attempt stilted small talk with politicians or aristocrats. A few people stopped on the way to their tables to greet Quatre, but the rest of us were unknowns, and I was glad of it. The pristine white linens and glittering crystal felt unnatural as it was, but Heero had asked me to this and I wouldn't have let her down in a million years.

I glanced over at her, smiling as I saw her gazing around the magnificent chamber, watching as the last few guests trickled in and Relena, Zechs and Noin took their seats at the head table alongside the President and most of the rest of the Cabinet. I didn't envy them.

Waiters appeared as if by magic, and champagne was poured while we perused embossed menus. I have never understood why upper-class food has to have names comprised of half a dozen different languages. I went for the simplest-sounding things, somehow not terribly surprised when Heero ordered proficiently in a calm voice, sipping at her champagne. I gave her a wry grin and a wink, and she smiled at me over her glass, eyes sparkling.

My own how-to-operate-in-high-society lessons from G had pretty much consisted of 'use the cutlery from the outside in and don't wipe your mouth on the tablecloth,' although some of Howard's girls had taught me to dance. I suspected J had been a great deal more thorough about Heero's education.

The champagne was actually pretty good, for fizzy wine. I shuddered to think of the cost of it; it had always seemed to me that people drank it because it was expensive rather than for the taste. After a moment, Heero's fingers found mine under the table and she squeezed, darting a shy glance at me from the corner of her eye as she answered Sally's questions about the places she'd been in the last year. I squeezed back, tangling my fingers with hers and taking another small sip of champagne as the waiters brought round little plates of canap�s and tapas-type stuff. There were stuffed olives and caper-berry things, and bits of pate and creamy stuff on top of little bite-size pieces of toast.

I watched with amusement as Heero's eyes lit up when a waiter placed a plate of sushi on the tablecloth between her and Wu Fei. I only noticed then that at the top of the place settings, as well as the usual dessert forks and spoons, were little rolled napkins containing pairs of lacquered chopsticks that were obviously intended as souvenirs.

Heero insisted I try some of the onigiri, and I had to admit that it was good, melt-on-the-tongue stuff. Mostly I stuck to the little salmon-and-cream-cheese toasty things, though; they were damn nice and went pretty well with the champagne.

By this point the ballroom and gallery were filled with a subdued hum of talk. Quatre and Wu Fei had moved on to discussing the rebuilding of the L5 colony Fei'd been born on, and Sally was looking on indulgently. Heero and Trowa seemed to be having a silent conversation composed entirely of faint expressions and the occasional nod.

Sally noticed the objects of my bemused fascination and broke out snickering at the pair of them; Trowa raised a sardonic eyebrow while Heero smiled shyly and sipped from her champagne glass again.

"You two," Sally sighed theatrically, rolling her eyes as the waiters moved in with the first course. Conversation was reduced to comments on the cooking for a while, and I have to say it was damn good. It was somewhere in the middle of the fillet of beef that I realised that contrary to all expectations, I was actually genuinely enjoying myself. I said as much to Heero, and she laughed at me.

"Idiot. I asked Relena to seat us all together; she says if you have to sit with the politicians these things are incredibly boring."

I snickered. "She'd know."

"Mm." Heero's eyes lit up again as the waiters returned with dessert; she'd ordered something decadently chocolate, as had Sally, and the pair of them dug into the cake, or whatever it was, as though they hadn't just sat through five courses already. I was very glad that my own biscuity cheesecake thing was light as well as citrus-sharp; it went well with the white wine that had been poured.

Eventually, fruits and cheeses had been served, and the waiters came round again to top up the champagne as Relena rose to her feet. I suppressed a sigh as her expression took on all the hallmarks of 'speech mode,' and resigned myself to listen patiently.

"Distinguished guests," the girl began, resting her hands on the lectern that had been placed at the edge of the dais. "I thank you all for your friendship. I originally planned this occasion to celebrate one year of peace, and it is with great regret that I acknowledge that this is no longer so. I, as all of you, owe a debt of great gratitude to all those who worked to ensure that the Barton Foundation's attempted coup would not threaten our lives and families. Some who would have been here are no longer with us, and I grieve for their loss, as do we all." She paused, looking down at her clasped hands, and when she looked up again I could see the steely determination in her eyes. Reluctantly, I conceded that it was impossible not to admire this girl who had refused to give in to everything life had thrown at her.

"I have dedicated my life to the cause of total pacifism," Relena was saying now, seeming to look directly at the five of us. I felt Heero clutch at my hand beneath the level of the table again. "And I salute the bravery of those few who were willing to sacrifice themselves to ensure that the ideals we share are realised. From the bottom of my heart I thank you � all of you, Preventer Agents, Gundam Pilots, citizens of the Colonies and Earth � for helping us to preserve the peace. In the light of such dedication, let us all renew our determination to see peace and freedom prevail throughout the Earth Sphere. Thank you." She bowed her head and returned to her seat as applause rang through the chamber.

I was pleasantly surprised, not only by the shortness of the speech, but by her reference to us pilots. The Gundams were something of a difficult political issue on Earth, with far too many smoking ruins attesting to our capabilities. Thanks to the near-disaster with the Libra we had been officially absolved of any criminal charges, since we'd only targeted military facilities, but it had been thought best to conceal our identities from the general public all the same.

Heero was smiling at me. Sipping champagne, I couldn't help but smile back. Something about her was just infectious, and it was far more than the expression on her face. It was as though, in first telling me her 'secret', she had offered me a little part of herself; we were a part of each other now. It struck me, as the orchestra up in the gallery began playing a waltz, that I had only actually known her for a little more than eighteen months; it was strange how quickly she had become such a necessary part of my existence.

Relena and the Sphere President had made the first circuit around the floor, and other couples had begun trickling out to join them. Grinning, I pushed myself upright and held out my hand. "Would my lady care to dance?"

If Heero wanted romance, I would damn well give her romance.

***

I was more than a little disgruntled to be awoken at ten AM the next morning by a knocking on my bedroom door. Especially considering we'd only arrived back at Quatre's place six hours previously. Dancing all night always seems like a nice idea at the time, but it kinda wears you out.

I stumbled out of bed cursing, and fumbled my way into a robe before I answered the door, peering through bleary and crusted eyes at the evil interloper.

It was Heero, which sort of deflated my ire a bit, but I managed a low-wattage glare all the same. She damn well knew that I wasn't a morning person.

"I'm sorry to wake you." How on earth could she be so coherent on five hours of sleep? I mumbled something, which she apparently took for an invitation to continue, pulling her own robe more tightly around herself. "I wondered�" She stopped, took a breath, and began again. "I want to do something later today, and I'd like you to be with me. If you want, I mean�"

Okay, even in my sleep- and caffeine-deprived state I could tell that whatever this was, it meant a hell of a lot to her. There was no way I was going to refuse something like that.

"Sure. But can I at least get some more sleep first?" I begged piteously.

Heero laughed, poking me in the chest so that I stumbled backwards. "Of course. Back to bed, you." She glided barefoot into the room, closing the door behind her, and I blinked in confusion, certain that there was something I was missing. Like another four hours sleep.

"Huh?" was about the most I managed as Heero pushed me down onto the mattress, climbing in beside me and pulling the dishevelled covers back up over us both. What was she doing?

"Go to sleep, Duo," she murmured into my neck, settling beside me with her head on my shoulder and one arm tucked across my chest. It seemed like a good idea, so I did.

I woke some hours later to the very interesting sensation of butterfly kisses being scattered across the skin of my throat and collarbones. The initial startlement at finding myself in bed with Heero � what had we done?! � dissipated slowly as memory returned. She didn't stop kissing me though, and one of her hands was resting ever-so-lightly on my ribs, fingers tracing little circles that were entirely too close to my nipples for comfort.

I squirmed, finding the sensations altogether too light and ticklish for my liking, and Heero lifted her head, deep blue eyes sparkling inches from mine as she laughed breathily and swooped down to kiss me, one strong leg worming its way between my own to rub at my groin. No sooner had I opened my mouth in a startled groan than she'd lifted herself off me and was making for the door.

"Get some clothes on," she tossed over her shoulder at me as she left. "I'll meet you downstairs." I was left helplessly staring, wondering whether to just kill myself now and save a lot of grief since Heero appeared to have discovered just how easy I was to tease.

Funnily enough, I couldn't seem to summon up much trepidation.

I raced through the shower and flung on some clothes, trudging downstairs on a quest for coffee. Have I mentioned how much I love staying at Q's? He always has good coffee, and not only that, he has other people to make it for you. My idea of heaven.

I was on my second cup when Heero peered around the doorway of the 'breakfast room' (which was separate from the 'dining room' and the 'luncheon room.' I will never understand the rich) and rolled her eyes at me.

"I might have known." She wandered in and sat down opposite me at the table, occupying herself with a game of footsie while I finished my breakfast, never mind that it was after noon. I hadn't seen any of the rest of the guys, so there was a strong possibility that they were still in bed; Tro and Q had been pretty damned lovey-dovey in the car on the way back, and I suspected that Fei and Sally had been holding hands, for all they'd pretended they weren't.

As soon as I'd ingested enough caffeine to regain a semblance of humanity, Heero dragged me out into the back gardens. She was wearing plain jeans and that college jacket I'd seen on her before, and carrying a bag of something that clinked. She didn't volunteer information, so I didn't ask, letting her steer me towards the treeline on the edge of the park.

Quatre's Sanc estate is pretty fucking enormous by my standards; a huge manor house set in what seemed like acres of landscaped grounds. Near to the back of the estate an area had been set aside as a nature preserve of sorts, and had ended up as a sort of little spinney of willow and hazel trees. It was quite pretty, even with the leaves fallen and a chill in the air.

Heero led me silently to the edge of the woodland before stopping and setting her bag down on the ground. I gave her a curious look as she knelt beside it, but obligingly got down on my own knees when she beckoned. We were silent for a long time, she looking inward and I just confused.

"Do you remember what you said yesterday?" she asked at last, turning to look me in the eye. Kneeling like this put our faces level, cancelling the advantage of my longer legs.

"Huh?" I quirked an eyebrow at her, and she smiled a little.

"You said I should put the Soldier away. Put it to rest."

"Okay�" I frowned, trying to put two and two together but coming up short. "What does that have to do with Quat's garden?" Instead of answering me, Heero turned to the bag and pulled out three things. A garden trowel, a plain wooden box, and a gun. I frankly stared, recognising the 9mm auto Odin Lowe had given her and that she'd carried all through both wars.

"That's what we're going to do," she stated, digging the trowel into the turf and marking out a square section. "That should be big enough."

I'd like to say I was taken back to my Maxwell Church days, but the sad truth is that funerals on L2 involved nothing so poetic as earth or coffins. Oh, I remembered Father and Sister praying over the shrouded dead, but the last resting place of an L2 corpse had been the huge incinerators in the spokes of the station wheel, their lives going to turn the turbines that augmented our meagre electricity supply. This ritual cutting of the earth was entirely new to me.

I watched as Heero lifted the turf and set it aside, hollowing out a space in the thick dirt beneath. After about five minutes I offered to take a turn, and she relinquished the implement, our fingers brushing with an electric tingle. The ground was more solid than I expected; it took effort to dig the point of the trowel in, more to lift out a scoop of dirt. Eventually, though, we had excavated a sizeable hole in Quatre's garden, and Heero laid the tool aside, wiping her hands on her jeans and reaching for the gun.

Without needing to be asked, I lifted the lid from the box and held it out to her. Slowly, with painstaking care, Heero disassembled the weapon, looking each piece over for a moment before laying it in the box. Finally, the barrel joined the rest of the pieces, and Heero sat looking at the stripped components for a long moment before setting the lid firmly onto the box. I handed it to her, and she weighed it in her hands.

"Not much, for the price of a life," she murmured almost to herself. I understood; how could I not?

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust." I smiled at her as, with sudden resolution, she lowered the Soldier's coffin into its final resting place, and sprinkled a handful of dirt on top.

***

Heero looked nervous. This was something of a turn-up for the books; I'd never seen that particular combination of worry, fear and skittishness on her face before. She'd had hold of my hand ever since we'd come into the building, and had been fidgeting in her seat since the receptionist had asked us to wait.

I gave her an amused glance. "Relax," I murmured. "No one's going to ask you to strip, you know."

"Yes, but what if they want a gene-print? Or blood tests or something?" She had one hand at her mouth to hide her words, and was chewing nervously at a nail, chipping off jagged crinkles of purple polish. I winced; surely that stuff must taste awful, but she didn't even seem to notice what she was doing.

"Trowa said they don't," I reminded her gently. "A doctor probably will, but that's why we have to be here, remember?"

This whole rigmarole had come about because Sally had given her a list of respectable, highly qualified gender identity psychiatrists both here and on L2. However, in order to get an appointment Heero had to be a registered citizen of the ESUN. As war orphans and then Gundam pilots, neither of us had ever been registered, and so we had come to the New Port City registry office, laden down with documents, to correct that oversight.

Theoretically, as a human being within the Earth Sphere, we were already citizens, but while L2 had a healthy contempt for laws and bureaucracy, Earth was stricter. Trowa had registered himself last year, and assured us that the process was relatively painless; Sally and Quatre had provided each of us with letters of identification as neither of us had any official identity.

I found it kinda odd to realise that as far as the government was concerned, I didn't exist. That was all very well if I wanted to avoid things like taxes and policemen, but who in their right mind would turn down free health care?

"Excuse me?" The receptionist had come over and was smiling at us; Heero tensed up, hunching her shoulders. For this interview � we had to get pics done for ID � she had chosen to wear a smart-ish white blouse under a loose blue jacket and skirt. I'd gone with my tried and trusted black jeans and jacket � one of Quatre's guys had actually managed to get the smell of smoke and cordite out of the leather, for which I would thank him forever.

"If you'd like to come this way?" The receptionist waited for us to rise, then led the way down a short, white-painted corridor to an office door. She knocked, then showed us in and departed.

"Good morning." The tall red-haired woman behind the desk smiled professionally at us. "How can I help you today?"

I had visions of her pulling out a folder of marriage license forms, and suppressed a smirk. "Um, we need to register as citizens, I guess."

"Both of you?" She glanced from one to the other of us, then nodded. "Okay, have a seat."

I held a chair for Heero, who still looked a little green, then sat down next to her.

"Right." The lady � she had a name-tag pinned to her black suit that read 'C.P. Larks' � shuffled through a drawer for a moment, coming out with a pile of forms. "I need you to fill these out, please. I assume you're both war orphans?" At our nods, she continued, "I'll need to see some kind of identification � any birth or citizenship documents you have."

"Um, we don't have any of those things, but�" I shifted in my seat, pulling the envelope from my jacket pocket and handing it to her. Heero passed across her own, and Ms Larks opened them and read through the letters.

"Quatre Winner?" She sounded mildly surprised. "And a Preventer Agent � these are more than enough. Okay, I need to ask you each a few questions. Would you prefer to do this in private?"

I glanced at Heero. "I don't mind. Heero-chan?"

"Here is fine," she said quietly, looking a little calmer. "Here." She had finished filling in her form already, and handed it back to the registrar. Hastily I scanned mine, but it was just a statement of name and address, with a declaration thing to sign at the bottom. I scribbled my signature on the thing and handed it back.

"All right then." The woman smiled reassuringly, and glanced at the papers. "Ms Yuy, we'll start with you. Heero Yuy is your full name?"

"Yes." Now that the actual questioning was under way, Heero seemed a little calmer. I was glad; her nerves had been causing a corresponding roiling in my own stomach.

"What was your date and place of birth?"

Heero frowned. "I don't know an exact date, but I think it was some time in the first half of AC 180. I'm fairly sure I was born in the L1 Colonies � I was found there by my first� guardian." She shrugged, looking uncomfortable; I suppressed a smirk at the thought of Odin Lowe as a guardian. Although, I suppose, he'd protected her�

"Okay. Most people in your circumstances have their birthdays listed as the first of January; do you want to do that, or would you prefer to pick a date?"

"The first of January is fine." Heero nodded calmly now, seeming a little relieved. The registrar input some information into her computer and nodded.

"Do you remember any names of parents or relatives at all?"

"No." Heero shook her head, eyes downcast. The woman typed some more data, then continued.

"What about an education history?"

"I was privately educated until the age of fifteen." Heero's voice was eerily calm, and I winced internally, knowing that it was a mask. "I have a high school equivalency certificate." She pulled another paper out of her bag and handed it over; I felt my eyes bug out a little, having not realised she had any such thing. Obviously she had been doing more than wandering in her time away.

"And you're seventeen now?" The redhead nodded understandingly. "Present or previous employment?"

"Not now. I was a mobile suit mechanic and pilot in the war." She sounded like she was reading it from a script, but the woman didn't appear to notice.

"Okay." She typed some more, then got up from her seat. "If you'll come over here�" She crossed to a curtained wall and pulled the drape back, revealing a vidbooth. Heero sat on the stool, the woman did some things I couldn't see, there was a flash, and a few minutes later a small card was spat out of a gadget on the desk. The woman took it and gave it to Heero, who examined it curiously.

"That's your ID," Ms Larks informed her quietly. "Don't lose it, as replacements will cost you fifty credits. You should carry it with you at all times."

I leaned over Heero's shoulder to look at the thing; it had a little picture of her face on one side, with a few lines of data on the other and a bar code on the reverse side. I noticed with a grin that the registrar had put her down as female without any questions at all.

"My turn?" I asked with a relieved smile, settling back in my seat as the redhead resumed her chair.

"Mr� Maxwell?" She tapped at her keyboard, then faced me. "Date and place of birth?"

"Unknown, probably L2-C3512," I told her, grinning. "I'll pick April First as my birthday, though, just for variety."

The woman cracked a grin, but Heero laughed outright in surprise, her eyes both relieved and delighted. She clutched that little identifying piece of plastic like it was made of gold.

"Any names of parents or relatives?"

"Nope." I shook my head and went straight onto the school thing.

"I attended St Mary's Primary on-Colony from, um, 186 to 187, I think. After that I was privately educated until last year; I'm currently going to L2-C University for engineering." Or I had been, until the little incident over the holiday. It was January the Ninth already; God only knew how many classes I'd missed.

"Employment?" she asked as she typed down what I'd told her, fixing my details into the database for all time.

"Salvage mechanic and scrap dealer � that's part-time, pretty much, working for Schbeiker Scrapyard out at L2," I told her. "Used to be an MS pilot as well." We'd agreed that it wasn't necessary to mention the type of mobile suit we'd piloted; no need to give people fits, and this way we were saved from being 'outed' to the media or public.

"All right then." She showed me into the little booth, directing me to put my right hand on a plate for a palm-print while I stared into the retinal scanner. The flash of the photobulb going off startled me a little; I suppose they do it that way so that everyone's ID pic looks equally stupid. And, as predicted, when she handed me the little piece of plastic, I did indeed look like a slack-faced moron.

"Welcome to the Earth Sphere Unified Nation." Ms Larks gave us a professional smile, and shook both our hands, and that was pretty much it. No cross-examination, no medical exams, nothing more than a few questions. I think we were both pretty shell-shocked as we wandered back out onto the streets afterwards.

Sitting in a warm coffee bar somewhere over towards the Palace, I watched Heero still staring down at that little piece of plastic as though it contained all the secrets of the universe.

"What's so enthralling?" I finally asked, wondering whether to wave a hand in front of her eyes. She certainly seemed to be in a world of her own there, with a little smile on her face and the strangest look in her eyes.

"Hmm?" She looked up at me, quirked a manicured eyebrow, then smiled down at the ID card again. "Look." She handed it across the table to me with the reverence she might previously have shown to an MS circuit board. It took it with the appropriate level of care and examined it, but it was pretty much the same as mine. Name, date of birth, gender and ID number; crappy photograph and bar code. I didn't see what was so terribly special, and I said so.

"Look." She pointed one lacquered fingernail at the little letter F in the 'gender' box. "I'm officially a girl."

I grinned, understanding. "Feels good?"

"Very." She smiled in satisfaction. "So do you want to take that Preventers job?"

"What?" I did a small double take, baffled by the sudden change of subject. Hilde did it; maybe Heero'd picked it up by osmosis or something.

"I saw how you looked at that letter," she said quietly, stirring her hot chocolate with one of those strange curly wafer biscuits they always give out. It crunched between her teeth as she bit into the end thoughtfully. "And you can't say you didn't enjoy what happened at Christmas."

I raised a wry eyebrow, and she had the grace to blush a little. "You mean when I wasn't killing people or getting punched out by you?" I shrugged. "It's an adrenaline rush, I'll give you that." Frowning, I swirled my coffee thoughtfully. We did seem to have a lot of these discussions in coffee shops and cafes. Did that say something about us? "What about you?"

She shook her head immediately. "I'm not going back to doing that, not ever again. I�" She swallowed. "I put the gun away. That's forever."

I nodded encouragingly. "That wasn't quite what I meant, though. Sally wanted me to mention it to you � apparently they're in desperate need of a head of IT right now."

"IT?" Heero sucked at another biscuit consideringly. "It's a thought, but there's your school stuff on L2 to consider, and I doubt they're willing to wait another year." I could almost feel my eyes glazing over as she sucked another few centimetres of wafer tube into her mouth, and had to suppress a startled wince as she bit down suddenly.

"You mean you�?" I trailed off, somewhat dazed. I mean, fair enough wanting to stay with me, but I knew damn well that most of the best therapists and surgeons were on Earth � would she really put off not only a career but also her personal aspirations for me? I regrouped and tried a different tack. "Well, a Preventer Agent is a pretty damn good career, an' I s'pose I could always transfer to part-time school down here. And think about it," I added, leaning over the table persuasively. "They're gonna need the best damn systems in the world, and you could build 'em from the ground up. Plus there're bound to be times they'll need access to other people's stuff, so you'd get to crack and whatever." I grinned at the sudden look of interest that had come over her face; I'd bet anything she was imagining building a super-system in the basement of Preventer Headquarters.

"I'd need time off for surgery," she muttered to herself before looking up at me. "And what about Hilde?"

Damn, that was the only flaw in my plan. I winced; I was pretty sure that Hil knew I'd eventually be taking off, but right now? She could just about manage the yard on her own, and maybe she could rent out the spare room or something� I weighed it in the balance, all the inconveniences of moving and transfers versus the thrill of being able to take down the bad guys again, and damn was it tempting. I bit my lip, looking up at Heero. "We'd have to find an apartment, but�"

"You want to do it," she finished with a sharp nod, dipping a finger into the whipped cream topping off her mug.

"Yeah." I nearly choked on my coffee as I realised what I'd just done: effectively suggested that we move in together. But� Heero hadn't objected. Or even commented. And there had been the other morning� "What do you think?" My insides twisted as she contemplated the tablecloth for a long moment, eyes almost black in the cold winter light. Finally she looked up, straight into my own eyes.

"Okay." It was all she said, but the smile that accompanied the words did weird things to my chest. "Let's call Sally tonight."

***

If I'd thought Heero'd been nervous at the registrar's, it was nothing to the fifteen minutes we spent waiting outside Lady Une's office. And her nerves were nothing on mine. If it hadn't been for the secretary sitting at her desk down the other end of the room I'd have been pacing. As it was I was fidgeting like almighty hell.

Most of the nerves weren't on my own behalf. I mean, considering we'd actually already been given job offers, I probably didn't have much to worry about. But Heero was sitting there in that smart-casual skirt suit of hers, her legs crossed neatly, and my mind suddenly seemed fixated on the fact that I hadn't thought to check with Sally whether Une knew that she was going to be seeing this Heero.

There was the buzz of an intercom and the secretary cleared her throat. "You can go through now," she told us; she'd already scrutinised our visitor passes at length earlier and logged us into her system. I'd seen Heero's fingers itching for a look at her hard drives then, too, and had to restrain my amusement.

I knocked at the plain wooden door, and held it open for Heero out of sheer habit. Hey, it might not have been for long, but I had been brought up in a Catholic orphanage. Just 'cause I don't always use the manners they taught me�

Lady Une smiled professionally at us from behind her desk, brown eyes only flicking to Heero for a moment before she rose and offered us her hand.

"Mr Maxwell, Ms Yuy." We shook hands solemnly and took seats when she invited us to. I consciously forced myself to relax, unclenching my hands from the arms of the chair and smiling easily.

The Lady spent a moment looking the two of us over; I suppose we did make something of a mismatched pair � me long-haired and Heero short, for one thing. And then neither of us were exactly dressed as she'd remember us � I'd scavenged a pair of neat black pants from Q's wardrobe, and bought myself a work shirt in the same colour, since Quatre had nothing that wasn't white, pale blue or pink. As if.

"Well," Une began, steepling her fingers and looking at us over them. "Ms Yuy, Agent Water informs me that you're willing to become our IT co-ordinator. I don't mind telling you that we're badly in need of a someone with your talents." She smiled grimly. "So far, budgetary considerations have limited our operations drastically, but after the recent incidents I think I can promise you adequate funding to create a secure, efficient network here at HQ. Actually," she glanced at her watch, "Since it's just about lunch time, would you mind very much if I ask Sally to show you around the building so that you can begin assessing our needs?"

Heero glanced at me, surprise on her face. I just grinned reassuringly, remembering that Sally had said they were desperate. Obviously the current state of their network must be less than ideal.

"That would be fine," Heero agreed quietly, folding her hands on her knees.

"Very good. Sally can get you registered as an employee, and explain the pay scales and benefits and so forth. You'll rank as an Agent, and it's possible but unlikely that you might get called out to a mission site if your expertise is needed. Is that acceptable to you?" Heero nodded calmly, and Une smiled with blatant relief in her eyes, pressing an intercom button.

"Water to Central." She kept her eyes on Heero; I was beginning to feel something like a third wheel. "I'd like a basic assessment of what you'll need � and how long it will take � as soon as possible. I understand that you'll require medical leave at some point, but would it be too much to ask for you to get a system up and running for us before that?"

Heero smiled slightly. "I can get a basic network set up in a week or two; anything else will be mostly tweaking."

"Good." Une looked up as the door opened and Sally slipped through, wearing a white doctor's coat over her uniform. I winced; those things always reminded me of G. "Agent Water, would you mind escorting our new sysadmin to registry and then helping her familiarise herself with the building?"

"Of course." Sally grinned at us and beckoned Heero, who rose with perfect composure and followed her out. As the door snicked closed behind them, I raised an eyebrow, turning back to the Lady.

"Weight off your mind?" I asked, somewhat irreverently, but we had after all met before.

"You have no idea." Une grinned conspiratorially. "I suspect she'll be somewhat unimpressed with the state of our IT infrastructure." She settled herself back into her chair with a sigh. "So, I take it you'd like to be commissioned as an Agent?"

I shrugged. "I don't miss the blood, but knowing I'm making a difference? Hell yeah. I went into the war to try and help people, ya know?" I thought it was probably politic not to mention that it had been this woman's efforts that I'd tried to save the Colonies from. Her tiny, wry smile suggested that she knew exactly what I meant without the words needing to be said.

"Well, I can promise you the chance to save lives and preserve the peace in Preventers," she told me, now extremely serious, "but I am obligated to warn you that there is always a certain amount of danger in law enforcement work."

I smirked outright. "I'm used to risking my life � and staying alive."

She gave an infinitesimal nod. "There's also a lot of paperwork. We deal mainly with disarmament issues and threats to life rather than your run-of-the-mill police work, but we must still report to the government."

I'd been prepared for that; I nodded in resignation. Mission reports for these guys would probably have to be a great deal more formal than the ones I'd given G.

"Good." Une looked over her spectacles at me, which I don't mind admitting made me shiver a little � too reminiscent of certain unpleasant events, if you get my drift. "I'm going to make you a Special Agent, but there are conditions attached to your enrolment, I'm afraid. You'll have to prove that you can pass Basic Training. It's not so much the physical requirements I'm concerned with," she hastened to add as I opened my mouth to protest. "But you'll need to have a pretty good working knowledge of the laws relating to weapons and the use of force � and of what's legally allowable for someone in your position."

"Right." There was something of a nasty taste in my mouth at that, but I'd been spending the last year cramming engineering theory and I figured it couldn't be much worse than that.

"You'll be in Basic for a week or so," Une continued. "I've already got a partner lined up for you, actually � your friend Trowa Barton accepted our offer as well."

Working with Trowa? I raised my eyebrows appreciatively. The guy was good, and he wasn't going to throw fits about my less than orthodox entry into the Agency. All in all, it could be a hell of a lot worse. I put on my best grin. "Where do I sign?"

***

The next day I dragged myself out of bed nice and early to report in to Sally and Wu Fei on the training fields. I went over the obstacle courses with only half a mind on the present moment, letting my body do the work it had been trained for. Heero hadn't accompanied me in to HQ that morning, instead taking the metro from our borrowed flat to a medical centre on the east side of the city where she would have her first appointment with the therapist Sally had recommended.

Neither of us had really anticipated the eagerness with which Une would accept our applications; I'd thought I'd have at least a day or two to work up the nerve to tell Hilde what was going on, but instead had been forced to call her last night. That hadn't been pleasant; I'd ummed and aahed my way through an embarrassed explanation, waiting for a storm which had never come. I think she was a bit upset, but in the end she calmed down and told me she'd keep my room for me so I could come visit her on holidays. And then she asked after Heero.

Heero-chan hadn't told me about her appointment until this morning. It was kinda weird; I'd thought she'd be hellishly nervous, but I actually think I was more worried than she was. Anyway, I'd seen her off at the platform before rushing to get into HQ in time. As a recruit, I had no official uniform as yet, but they expected me to wear the standard issue workout gear while I tackled the O/C and firing range.

Heh, that was fun. I'd surprised even Sally, racking up ninety-nine percent perfect scores that I explained away as having been around Heero too long. I was fidgety, though, wondering where Heero was and how she was doing, whether the therapist guy was nice or what. She'd said she'd meet me at lunch, but as Wu Fei led me into a simulator and started running me through the piloting exam scenarios, it felt like I was trying to drag Time along by the hair.

Fei actually glared at me when I climbed out of the sim-unit, tapping something into a data pad. I allowed myself to smirk as he wheeled around grumpily and took me to an office where he handed me a thick plasfilm book.

"Those are the regulations," he told me in that annoyingly superior tone of voice he affects. "You have to learn them."

I knew very well that if I let myself groan, he'd be on me like a rat on a starving cat, so I simply sat myself down in a chair and opened the thin, slippery pages, concentrating as I began to commit the information to memory. I hadn't been at it more than five minutes or so when the door opened and Trowa came in; I was still in the uniform regulations section. After we'd all three exchanged nods, Trowa pulled out his own tome and took his seat, opening it in a seemingly random place and beginning to read.

I'd gotten up to the legal subsection dealing with persons conspiring to cause damage to Colony infrastructures when Wu Fei stood up and cleared his throat. Surfacing from the complex legal language with relief, I glanced up to see him looking at the pair of us in an approving manner. I arched an eyebrow at Trowa and got a barely-there shrug of response before Fei rolled his eyes and spoke.

"Lunch time, you pair of�" He trailed off, grumbling to himself as he picked up his jacket and stalked out of the room. I hurried to follow him, feeling the comforting weight of my wallet in my pants pocket; it had been a long time since breakfast and I'd discovered the day before that the Preventers cafeteria actually managed to serve half-decent food.

All thought of sustenance flew out of my head as I walked into the large room behind Chang and saw Heero sitting at the end of one of the tables wearing the most blindingly brilliant smile I'd ever seen on her. I hurried to get a tray and snagged the first vaguely appetising thing I came across, not even bothering to check my change as I hurried to her side.

"So, how did it go?" I asked breathlessly as I slid into the seat across from her. Our eyes met and I felt as though she should be jumping for joy; she couldn't be more animated.

"I've got the diagnosis." She positively beamed at me, eyes crinkling into tiny shards of glassy blue, and I realised that she was dangerously close to tears. "Look." She set her fork down and pulled a piece of paper from her handbag, waving it in my face.

I had to grab hold of it before I could make any sense out of the green form; I gasped when I realised it was a prescription. Estrone 5mg, estinyl 0.2mg, progesterone, spiranolactone� I had to assume it was good, since I had no clue what the drugs were. "You want to stop in at the chemist and get this filled on the way home?" I asked, glancing up as Sally set her tray down beside Heero, Wu Fei and Trowa following her.

"May I?" Sally asked upon seeing the prescription sheet, and Heero handed it over readily enough, although she did shoot slightly nervous glances at the guys. "Hormones?" Sally skimmed the sheet and handed it back with an approving nod. "You should start seeing results in ten days or so."

Heero nodded happily. "That's what Dr Lawson said." She glanced at me a little uncertainly. "I have another appointment next week, and he said I could bring you, if� you want?"

Did I want? I considered it thoughtfully, biting my lip, but in the end it was Heero's hopeful expression that hooked me. I'm a sucker for that little pleading look; she gets me with it every time. I just hoped the doc wasn't gonna try and psychoanalyse me as well as Heero-chan; I had enough trauma in my past to choke a sheep.

"Sure, if you want me to," I told her, shooting a hesitant glance to Sally and relaxing when she nodded permission. Heero was smoothing the paper of the drug script between her fingers, as if she couldn't quite believe she was really holding it. I smiled, plucking it out of her hands and folding it carefully in two, zipping it into the side pocket of her handbag, and the talk turned to the IT situation and exactly how busy Heero was going to be for the next few weeks sorting it out.

She left a while after that, squeezing my hand tightly before depositing her tray in the receptacle and making her way down the stairs to the sub-basement Une had designated as the server centre. Or what would be the server centre, once Heero had actually built the servers. After a few minutes the rest of split up as well, Trowa and I going to back to our monotonous memorisation while Fei and Sally did something in the background that involved maps and satellite pics. Soon enough it was quitting time, and I got to bid farewell to Tro and Wu and take my already-hated rule book home with me. I decided to call him Eric, for no reason other than that it made Wu Fei's eyebrow twitch in an amusing manner.

Eric and I made two stops on our journey back to the flat Quatre had lent us until we had time to find our own apartment. First off was a little detour down to the sub-basement to pick up Heero, and not so incidentally to get a look into her new lair. Rather surprisingly, it was actually pretty nice down there, with carpeting and pictures on the walls and everything. Because of the slope of the land the building had been constructed on, there were actually windows high up on one wall. Okay, so they were made of bullet-proof glass and damned heavily barred, but they let some light in, and the AC unit on one wall provided the rest of the human comforts.

I found Heero on her knees beneath a desk, doing something that involved a screwdriver and several bits of plastic and wire. She was muttering something to herself about idiots who installed the wrong kind of ports, and I watched in amusement as she gave the screw a final, vicious turn and groped for the plug, shoving it into the socket she'd just installed. With a beep, the monitor on the desk whirred to life, and Heero straightened so quickly that she bumped her head on the underside of the desk.

If I'd been amused before, that did it for me. I totally cracked up, having to grab at the doorframe to stop from falling over. When my mirth faded I found Heero leaning against the edge of the desk and smirking at me.

"Something funny?" There was an edge to the expression that decided me against answering in the affirmative.

"Nah." I looked around the room curiously; there seemed to be a few pieces of office furniture, some boxes of what looked like computer components, and not a lot else. "This is what they have?"

She rolled her eyes, pushing off the desk and sauntering over to me. I found my gaze drawn to the slight sway of her hips, and swallowed nervously. "Actually, I ordered this. Most of the hardware's arriving tomorrow, though."

"Mm�!" I started in surprise as she wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling my face down the inch and a half necessary for her to kiss me thoroughly. By the time she was done introducing my tongue to her tonsils I was practically swaying.

"Uh� home?" I managed somewhat weakly when she finally let me go. If femininity was measured in the ability to alternately confuse and shock the hell out of a guy, Heero was definitely one hundred percent woman. I decided not to tell her that.

"Chemist, then home," she corrected, pulling back from me to pick up her purse and a large paper sack that seemed to contain clothing. "Uniforms," she told me, pulling out a corner of olive-drab fabric to demonstrate. I nodded in comprehension, backing out of the door and letting her lock up.

We didn't bother walking, but took the metro back, getting off a stop early so that we could make the minor detour to the community pharmacy a few streets down. Heero was positively bouncing along, despite the fact that she was wearing heeled shoes; if those had been my feet they'd have been bleeding by that point, but each to their own.

The pharmacy was open, and Heero presented her prescription to the assistant with only slightly shaking fingers. Rather to my surprise, the woman didn't so much as raise an eyebrow, but checked the paper over, then asked for Heero's ID and a signature before sliding the form through a scanner and asking whether we wanted to wait.

I ended up sitting on a chair in the little waiting area while Heero paced, heels clicking on the mock-antique stone flooring and eyes roaming over the shelves of contraceptives and feminine hygiene products. When her name was called she just about jumped out of her skin. She did grab something from a shelf, though, before rushing up to the counter. The pharmacist spoke to her for a moment, their heads bent together conspiratorially, before Heero nodded thanks and handed across a credit card, the assistant packing the paper prescription bags into a carrier along with whatever it was she'd purchased. Given the shelves she'd been browsing, I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

Heero's face as we walked out of the store was a picture. She was clutching the green carrier bag to her chest as though it was her first-born child, relegating the package of uniforms to me, and she looked as though she'd won the jackpot. Anticipation and disbelief and all sorts; I just grinned and shook my head and attempted to keep her from walking off the pavement.

When we got back to Q's place, I dumped the package of uniforms on the kitchen counter and flipped the kettle on for Heero's tea and my coffee. Once I'd filled the two mugs with the boiling water � never mind that it made the instant coffee bitter, I liked it that way � I wandered back out into the living room to find Heero sitting at the dining table and staring at the row of four bottles lined up in front of her.

She looked up at me with a tremulous smile as I set her mug of green tea before her. I grinned back and collapsed into the seat beside her as though someone had cut my strings. Yeah, it had been a long day.

"Still can't believe it?" I waved at the little row of white plastic bottles, my free hand fiddling with the tip of my braid.

"Not really." She frowned a little, lines creasing her forehead between her brows. "It just seems so sudden, you know?"

"Mm." I was tempted to just lay my head down on the table and doze for a while, but it was my turn to make dinner, and we would probably be up late searching the online apartment listings. The difficulty there wasn't so much in finding a decent place as one that was suitable � we'd need either a ground-floor place or a building with an elevator since Heero was going to be having surgery, and finding something in a nice enough area that was still close to Headquarters was proving tricky. I eyed the innocuous-looking bottles curiously. "So what do you have to take when?"

She gave me that damn little smile again, the one with the amusement and wonder curling at its edges, and I had to take a damn good grip on my self-control to stop from kissing her right then. "These," she separated three of the bottles from the fourth, which had a blue stripe on the lid, "are one-a-day. This one is just one week out of four." She flicked the blue flash on the lid thoughtfully. "It's supposed to establish a proper feminine endocrine pattern � cyclical." She shrugged in amusement, and I frowned thoughtfully. One week out of four�?

"So does that mean you're gonna get PMT and stuff?" I blurted in surprise, and Heero really did laugh at me then.

"Maybe. I don't know. Aren't you used to it, living with Hilde?"

I refrained from answering that, instead making a note to myself to stock up on chocolate. "So when do you take them?" I asked more prosaically, deciding to be practical. And hell, it was getting late; I'd just as soon order out for dinner than cook after the day I'd had. "Are there side effects?"

"Same time every day is all they said," Heero replied with a delicate shrug. "He said there might be some nausea and dizziness at first, but it should fade."

"So it might be best if you took them at night, then," I suggested. "And hey, this is a pretty big step; we should celebrate! You wanna pick what takeout we get?"

Heero laughed, tugging playfully on my hair. "You just want to avoid cooking."

"Well, yeah," I admitted not at all shamefacedly, "but it really does deserve at least a miniature party, Heero-chan."

Heero smiled indulgently at me. "Oh, go on then, if you want to. Try that new chicken place down the road; I think I've got the flyer in my bag somewhere�" She pushed herself up from the table, wandering back into the hallway for a moment and returning with the paper menu. "Here. You order something interesting while I change, okay?"

"Sure." I watched her leave the room, admiring the gentle sway of her hips and wondering whether the hormones would affect the muscle she already had. Although I had to admit that recently she hadn't been working out beyond a basic hour or two per week, and that general fitness rather than weights or strength training. Still, I liked the feel of leashed strength in her; like Hilde, she wasn't a weak kind of woman.

I looked down at the menu, unfolding the shiny paper and wondering what to order. They had all sorts of stuff � salads, stir-fries, tacos and other things, but what looked the most 'interesting,' as Heero had put it, was the combination platter of fried chicken strips with various dips and sauces. It was obviously designed for two people to share, and that gave me another idea entirely. I checked the back of the flyer and was glad to discover that they did indeed offer desserts. And we had some vanilla ice cream in the freezer, too�

I pulled my cell phone from my pocket and dialled the number on the leaflet, ordering a bottle of that lemon soda Heero liked along with our dinner for the hell of it, and giving a credit number for them to charge. My meal-preparing duties discharged, I wandered into the kitchen to unearth a large plate and a couple of bowls for the dessert.

Heero appeared again just as I was tipping the delivery guy, wearing that same long sweater dress over black nylons, her hair curling freely about her ears. I noticed that it was getting longer, almost down to her chin now, as she took some of the cartons from me, giving the cake box a suspicious glance.

We sat on the couch to eat, the plate of food and dips spread out between us as we faced each other. There really were all sorts of dips; ketchup and salsa and brown sauce and sour cream, but something cool and minty as well, and something that Heero said was honey and mustard that I approached with caution, but which turned out to be gorgeous. We ate with our fingers, and got sauce round our mouths, and laughed at each other; it was fun.

Somewhere between the chicken and the ice cream things unexpectedly got a lot more serious. I'd gone to the kitchen to heat up the gooey chocolate cake I'd ordered, and returned to find Heero kneeling on the couch with her bottles of pills spread out before her. I set the two bowls of dessert down on the coffee table, and picked up a bottle of soda, offering it to her.

"Go on."

She looked up at me with a wide-eyed, almost nervous expression, and I made an effort to put on a reassuring grin. "No time like the present, Heero-chan."

Slowly, she took the bottle from me, unscrewing the cap with a quick twist and taking a sip before popping the childproof top of the first bottle. I watched as she took one pill after the other, three little white tablets and a brown capsule. Her expression as she looked up at me after swallowing the last was a strange mix of joy and something akin to shock, as though she still couldn't believe that she was actually doing this.

"Congratulations." I smiled, handing her a dish of hot chocolate cake and melting ice cream.

"Thank you." Her voice was very soft, and she closed her eyes in near-ecstasy as she swallowed the first bite. That, combined with the movement of her throat muscles as she swallowed, made something twist in my stomach. I didn't care about gender or hormones or physical equipment, I just wanted her. Before I really knew it, I had my hands tangled in her hair and her lips were opening breathlessly to mine.

She tasted of chocolate and spices, and I almost moaned as she leaned into my arms, her weight pressing me back into the couch cushions. I had my hands on her waist and she was straddling me, we were rubbing together, gasping into each other's mouths, she was whispering words into my ear as I licked and nibbled a trail down her neck�

Things got a bit unclear after that. Somehow, I ended up flat on my back with Heero's hands inside my pants, grasping and stroking me expertly. I felt like I was dying; she knew exactly what to do, where it felt good, and she ruthlessly exploited all my pleasure points until I resembled nothing so much as mindless goo and was coming harder than I could ever remember doing.

It took me a while to return to the land of the living, but once I did it became obvious that Heero had been the one doing all the work; there was a nice hard bulge pressing against my hip where she lay against me. Her breath stirred my hair in startlement as I ran a hand up the inside of her thigh, palming her through the tights and underwear, and she squirmed uncomfortably against me.

"You don't have to�"

I silenced that with a kiss, my hands busy working the panties and nylons down her hips. "I want to," I whispered in her ear before lifting the hem of her dress and moving down to lap gently at the twitching erection revealed. She gasped above me, tipping her head back and moaning out loud, and I grinned, closing my lips about the tip and sliding the flat of my tongue against her. I had expected it to be difficult to think of someone as 'her' while I had their cock in my mouth, but there was no conflict here. Simply Heero. The hardness of engorged flesh in my mouth and the salty tang of precome; all Heero.

She moaned beneath me again, her hands wrapping themselves around my braid almost desperately, and I grinned to myself, initiating the next phase of my assault. Releasing her cock from my mouth for a few seconds, I inserted my own fingers instead, coating them liberally with saliva before returning to my ministrations, renewed gasps sounding from above me. Trailing my slick fingers down her cleft, I found her entrance and began rubbing gently, teasing the delicate flesh.

The tone of her breathy voice and the further stiffening of her flesh between my lips encouraged me; I swirled the pad of one finger gently around the tiny pucker before sliding it slowly within, probing for that spot I had only heard about. Immediately I was rewarded with another moan as she tensed beneath me, whipping her head from side to side. I crooked my finger gently, searching, and knew that I had accomplished my objective when she arched beneath me, crying out wildly as her cock pulsed and spurted into my mouth.

I swallowed hastily, licking the last of her semen from about my lips as I gently withdrew my finger from her body, licking her still-trembling cock one last time before sliding up the couch to collapse beside her, pulling her into my arms. She tasted amazing, salt and sweet and something that was simply her; I wondered if she'd be this delicious as a woman and felt a flush steal across my cheekbones.

Curling up against me with an exhausted murmur, Heero snuggled herself into the crook of my arm, murmuring something that sounded a lot like "love you" into my hair. I smiled, for the first time letting myself say the words and admit that they were true.

"I love you too, Heero-chan."

***

You ever feel like life's dragging you along by the balls? That was pretty much how the next few weeks went. I completed Basic and was commissioned as a Preventer Agent, and Trowa and I got our first assignment, to round up some suspicious-looking guys who'd been involved with the Barton Foundation but had scarpered as soon as things looked like going the other way. Heero built her network and plugged us all into it, and I have to say the improvement was a relief; I'd spent a couple of unpleasant days trying to work with the relics Preventers had been using, and� Let's just say Heero's pretty talented, huh?

I went along with her to her next therapy appointment with mixed feelings; she'd said her doctor wanted to meet me, but� I'd always been kinda wary of doctors, you know? 'Specially since the L2 plague. It was a doctor who'd recommended they hike the prices of the vaccine up to get rid of the 'unsavoury elements' on-colony. Worked a treat, too.

Anyway, it turned out this doctor guy was pretty cool; he said I was one of the best boyfriends he'd ever seen and that I was doing a damn good job of being supportive. I blushed more than a little at that, and Heero positively glowed. She'd taken to regarding me with a happily proprietary expression whenever she thought I wasn't watching; I suspected that in her eyes she'd laid claim to me during our little episode on the couch. It had been repeated a few times, the most notable being a couple of weeks after Heero first started taking the pills, when they finally kicked in.

She developed a tendency to spend long hours in front of the mirror, examining her silhouette and smiling to herself. We made the pleasant discovery that her budding breasts were extremely sensitive, and, well, one thing led to another and she began spending more time in my bed than her own. Not that I objected�

It was around that time that we finally closed on an apartment in the city, much nearer to Headquarters. Heero had been the one to find the place, and I had to admit that it was gorgeous, all glass and polished wood. We were on the ninth floor, and spent a long weekend moving all our stuff up an elevator-load at a time. Heero insisted we had to hold a house-warming party, and so we invited Wu Fei, Sally, Trowa and Quatre around for dinner one night, and spent most of it playing poker for pretzels. Heero and Trowa fleeced the rest of us dumb saps, of course. It was fun, but none of it could compare to the day in early March when Heero came home with the news that she'd been given a definite go-ahead for surgery.

I think my eyes bugged out. I know I gaped. Heero flat-out laughed at me, brandishing a sheaf of papers in my face. Turned out they were an appointment for her first consultation with her surgeon � a Doctor Anderton who was apparently one of the best. She also had a sheet of preparations she'd need to make, and things she'd have to buy. There was another paper titled 'Post-Operative Maintenance' which I only glanced at, not having to fake the shudder. I'd heard about some of this during my early researched into transgenderism, and it had made me cringe a bit then.

Heero took the sheet back, giving me an understanding grin. "It's okay, you don't need to know the details, Duo."

"But I want to support you," I protested, my pride stung a bit.

"You are being supportive," she assured me immediately, moving into my arms and resting her head on my shoulder. I put my hands around her waist almost automatically; she had always had a trim figure, but something about the hormones had added a layer of sleeker flesh over the top of receding muscles. She felt good under my hands; I liked to hold her.

Heero pulled me down to sit beside her on the couch, spreading out her papers on the coffee table and toying with one of my hands. "Duo, I want you to be there when I go into surgery," she told me quietly, "but you don't need to know all the gory details."

"It's not like I'm afraid of blood, you know," I reminded her somewhat drolly, twining my fingers around hers. Her eyes were so very blue, and so clear. Not guileless, but� beyond guile, if that makes sense.

"It's not the same, and you know it." She quirked an acknowledging grin at me. "Besides, I think I'd rather you didn't see the messy parts. A girl has to have a few secrets, you know?"

"Preserving the mystique?" I grinned back, relieved. I really didn't want to know the details. "So when do you want to go get all this stuff?" I picked up the sheet with the details; it was rather staggering and I realised that I was going to be glad Heero'd saved some of her hacked funds. The sheer amount of lube it said she'd need made my eyes boggle, and some of the other stuff was just plain weird. I tried not to think too hard about what it'd be used for.

"I thought this weekend?" She sorted through the papers. "Here � apparently there's a surgical supply store a couple of miles out of town, and for the rest we can just go to any old drugstore. I need to speak to Une tomorrow to arrange time off for the operation."

I think that was when it hit me that this was really happening; Heero was really going to go through with this. When you think about it, it's a damn big step. Altering your anatomy so radically, whether or not you're happy with it� you can't go back, after that.

The question was, would Heero want to?

We spent most of Saturday traipsing round grocery and drug stores. Heero was in her element, of course, but by the second store I was bored and my feet were aching. What is it about shopping that makes your feet start throbbing the minute you enter a store? Whether or not you're fit � and you'd better believe that after Sally and Fei's damn obstacle courses I was!

We did the grocery shopping first, to get it out of the way, and Heero made a few little additions to our cart from the pharmaceuticals section. I thought she'd burst with pride and happiness as the assistant scanned the barcodes on the sanitary towel and pantyliner packages; I didn't understand the reaction until I realised that it was her first time doing something that every natural woman had to. Although most of them probably regarded it as a chore.

After dropping the groceries off at the apartment, we took the metro to Quatre's place and persuaded him to lend us a car. Turned out we needed it, too; Heero practically bought out the entire store when we got the surgical supplies. Lube, wet-wipes, invalid rings, antiseptics and cleansers� I just pushed the cart and kept my mouth shut. It was safer that way. The assistant at the checkout still gave me a look, though. I decided I probably didn't want to know what he thought.

We carted the stuff home, and Heero started organising her purchases while I took the car back to Q's. By the time I returned home, having stopped off for a chat with the miniature businessman (don't ask. No, really) and his other half, she had tucked all the boxes and cartons away and was busy rearranging her bedroom. Not that I knew why, since it was only weeks since we'd moved in, but then Heero-chan often did things that mystified me. She might not have been a girl for long, but she sure had the 'confusing the hell out of any guy within ten yards' thing down pat.

It just seemed like all of a sudden everything was kicking into high gear. Heero met with Une and booked herself a month off work; I was deputised to fill in for her in the server room as necessary. Suddenly there was a time-frame, and I was left blinking in the headlights.

I don't mind saying I was shit-scared. Any surgery is risky, and Heero was going to be having two sets at once; the actual sex change, and something called a 'tracheal shave' that would minimise her Adam's apple. It was a five-hour operation, for Christ's sake, and they were going to be chopping bits off my Heero. Of course I was fucking terrified.

Heero, though, was so excited she could hardly sit down. This was her dream, and it was finally being realised. How could I say anything about my apprehension in the face of that million-watt smile? I was supposed to be fucking supportive here.

Appointments were made. One for a consultation with the surgeon, and one with a beauty salon for waxing. Genital waxing; the very thought made me shudder, but Heero insisted it would be easier and neater than shaving, and there were creams to ensure that the hair wouldn't grow back where it shouldn't. Apparently, her ethnicity and her age had meant she hadn't needed facial electrolysis. She didn't have much pubic hair to start with, either. It was one of those things I just nodded and smiled at, you know?

***

I hung back a little nervously as Heero approached the reception desk.

"Heero Yuy to see Doctor Anderton," she told the receptionist, who tapped at her computer with manicured nails and nodded.

"If you'll take a seat, the nurse will be through to collect you soon."

"Thank you." Heero took me proprietarily by the arm and all but dragged me to the waiting room. In the tradition of all public institutions, the hospital was decorated in three colours: vomit-green, Elastoplast pink, and the ever-present Magnolia. Even the waiting room stank of antibiotics and decades of boiled cabbage. Yeah, I hated hospitals.

I seated myself gingerly in a plastic-upholstered chair, perfectly aware that Heero was regarding me with amusement. She herself looked calmly pretty, in the same neat blue suit she wore to most official things and which she now filled out very nicely without need to resort to the gel inserts. I'd been astonished by how quickly her breasts had begun growing after she started taking the hormones, and had developed something of a fascination with them. That amused her, too.

"Heero Yuy?" A middle-aged nurse in a starched blue-and-white uniform had come into the room, and smiled at Heero as she looked up. "The Doctor will see you now." She led us down a narrow corridor and up a flight of stairs to a large office, ushering us in and offering tea and coffee. Heero declined politely, and I shook my head despite the nervous clenching of my stomach. Caffeine would only make me even more jittery.

Doctor Anderton had risen as we entered the room, coming around her desk to greet us. She was somewhere in her thirties, as far as I could tell, and looked a lot like a blonde version of Trowa's 'sister' Cathy. She smiled warmly at me as Heero introduced me.

"This is my boyfriend Duo Maxwell."

"Pleased to meet you." I nodded politely, taking the seat by the wall and letting Heero have centre stage. This was her thing after all.

"I'm glad to see you being so supportive of Heero," the doctor remarked as she sat back down pulling a pair of glasses from the top pocket of her white coat and pushing them up her nose. "Let me see�" she murmured, bringing up a file on her computer. "Ah." She turned to Heero with a professional smile. "So, we have the psychiatric and psychological assessments already. What I'll need you to do is sign some forms stating that you understand what you're consenting to, and that you have completed at least a year of Real-Life Experience, okay?" She pulled a set of papers from a drawer and handed them across the desk to Heero.

From what I managed to catch of the legalese, the hospital administrators were basically covering their asses in case Heero decided a year from now that she didn't want to be a girl after all. I was pretty sure that wasn't gonna happen, though. So was Heero; she went through the papers quickly and efficiently, signing and dating where necessary before handing them back to the doctor.

"Right." Doctor Anderton smiled. "That's one formality out of the way. Do you have any allergies?"

"No." Heero shook her head. "Although� I'm resistant to most anaesthetics inside a three-point-five tolerance level."

The woman raised her eyebrows in surprise; so did I. My own tolerances were pretty damned high at five point two. I really didn't want to know what J had done to get Heero that high.

"We can work with that," the doctor said slowly, making some notes on her computer. "Do you have a maximum safe level?"

"One point three." Heero blushed a little, looking away.

"Okay. I'll notify the anaesthetists. Now, I have to give you a physical examination, so if you'd step this way�" She shepherded Heero to the examination area in one corner of the large office, pulling the screen around them both. I could only listen to their murmured voices for several minutes, and occupied myself with wondering what they were up to in there. Would the doctor have to examine Heero's� equipment� for size? Yeah, I'd read some strange stories online when I'd been researching sex-change surgery.

At length Heero returned, her jacket draped over one shoulder and holding a cotton ball to the crook of her elbow; presumably they'd needed blood samples.

"All right then." The doctor was back, setting two little vials of blood into a kidney dish on her desk. "What I'm going to do now, is run through the basic procedure of the Sex Reassignment Surgery for you, and outline what you'll need to do to prepare, and what you should expect afterwards. Okay?" She glanced at me as well, and I gave her a reassuring grin, firmly commanding my stomach to stay where it was. There was something different about descriptions of gore when it was going to be Heero's blood, but I resolved to cope with it.

"That's fine." Heero settled back in the chair, two fingers holding the cotton ball in place as she prepared to listen.

"Okay. Your SRS is scheduled for next Thursday at 1300 hours. You'll need to arrive here by 2000 on Wednesday for your bowel prep and monitoring. You'll be on nil by mouth from then until the time of the surgery. The anaesthetist will come by in the morning to see you, and probably conduct some tests." She paused for a moment, taking a laminated sheet from a desk drawer.

"The surgery itself will be in two parts. First, the tracheal shave, which is a very minor procedure. You'll probably have difficulty speaking for a few days afterwards, and there'll be a small scar that will fade quickly. The second part of the surgery will be the actual SRS procedure." She passed the paper to Heero. "That's a detailed diagram of the procedure."

I leant over to get a better look, and winced slightly as I saw the three-stage illustration. It was certainly graphic.

"The technique we'll be using is called Penile Inversion Vaginoplasty. It involves opening up the skin of the penis, turning it inside out, and inserting it into the body to form the neo-vagina. The nerve tissue and part of the glans penis are retained and used to construct a sensate clitoris, with a small section of urethral tissue going to form the inner lining of the vagina." She smiled, taking the diagram back from Heero, who still looked perfectly composed. I was blushing like a tomato; it was something about hearing a woman old enough to be my mother talking so clinically about genitalia.

"The testes are removed, and the scrotal skin goes to form the labia and clitoral hood. The prostate gland, I should warn you, is not removed. You'll still have to get regular checkups for prostate cancer, I'm afraid. But we do rearrange some tubes so that the fluids secreted by the gland go to help lubricate the vagina, so you will at least get some use out of it." Doctor Anderton grinned wryly; Heero was also smirking. I just kept my face straight and tried not to spontaneously combust.

"Now." The Doctor tapped one fingernail on the desk, drawing my attention. "After the surgery is completed, a pack of gauze will be inserted into the neo-vagina to maintain its shape. You'll be taken to recovery and monitored; you should retain full consciousness approximately two hours after surgery. You'll be medicated for pain, and there will likely be a great deal of bruising. Your catheter will be removed on Friday or Saturday; you may have some difficulty urinating at first, simply because the muscles will have been realigned. You'll also experience a certain amount of constipation as a reaction to the anaesthetic." I grimaced; these were things I probably didn't need to hear, but Heero had insisted I accompany her in here and I couldn't very well back out now.

"It's very important for you to keep the surgical site completely clean," Doctor Anderton was saying seriously. "The nursing staff will show you how before you're released. They'll also help you to start dilation after the packing is removed. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that dilation is the most important thing you can do to speed your recovery." Heero nodded equally seriously.

"I was wondering how often it's necessary," she said quietly. "I've read the information sheets, but it wasn't mentioned."

The doctor nodded. "Five times a day. First thing, mid-morning, lunchtime, evening and night. You'll need to continue at that level for at least six months, and decrease slowly after that as and when I'll advise you in our follow-up appointments. When you go back to work it would be a good idea to arrange to use the infirmary for dilation, if possible." I added that to the list of things to talk to Sally about on Monday. Shit, six days! Six days!

"And, um," Heero shot an embarrassed glance at me, "how long after surgery do I have to wait until I can have intercourse?"

The doctor smiled calmly, her face utterly professional. Thank God. "Six weeks � the scars will have healed by then, and the stitches dissolved. You'll need to wear the sanitary pads for two weeks, and then switch to pantyliners for another fortnight, but after that you should be clear."

"Right." Heero nodded acceptance, and I could almost see the little wheels turning in her brain. I imagined the little schedule she was setting herself: 'Week Four, back to work. Week Seven, seduce Duo.'

"Okay, if that's everything?" Heero nodded and Doctor Anderton put on another professional smile. "Well then, Heero, I'll look forward to seeing you next week."

***

As the week progressed, I developed a severe case of panic. My Heero-chan was having major fucking surgery, and there was nothing I could do to help. I even had to work Thursday morning, though Une had given me the afternoon off; I had the Friday as official vacation, as well as the next Thursday, when Heero would be released from the hospital. The Commander had grumbled a bit about that, but as I was now officially Heero's next-of-kin she had to let me off, albeit with dire warnings of piles of paperwork awaiting me when I returned.

Mostly I tried to conceal my nerves from Heero. She was behaving for all the world as if it was nothing more than an expensive makeover she was getting. She came back from her salon appointment on Tuesday night with her hair in a completely different style � cut straight in a jaw-length bob rather than all-over-the-place as it had always been. When she wandered through the door into the living room, where I was laid out on the couch with a beer watching the news, I frankly stared.

"I thought you were going to get waxed." I made a rather unsubtle gesture to my crotch in attempt to illustrate my meaning.

"I did." Heero gave me a serene smile. "But the beautician said I should get this done too." She put a hand to her hair, touching the ends with her fingertips. "Do you like it?"

I looked her up and down very deliberately, and she coloured a little. "It's gorgeous." We both knew I wasn't only referring to the hairstyle.

"Thanks." She gave me a tiny, sweet smile, then backed away from the couch. "I'm going to finish packing, okay?"

"Sure." I raised my bottle in toast, then frowned as I realised there were only dregs left. Damn. And it was too early to have another. Oh well, I might as well get started on dinner. Sighing, I pushed myself to my feet and wandered into the kitchen, yanking the fridge door open and taking an inventory of the contents. Not very much, really; a couple of eggs, some cheese and bacon, and the usual butter and mustard and crap.

"Huh. I regarded it thoughtfully, trying to drum up some inspiration with the tapping of my fingers on the salad crisper. There was a head of lettuce, too, and some tomatoes, but that was about it. Obviously I needed to go do some grocery shopping soonish. If it had been breakfast, I'd have just made pancakes, but�

Actually� What the hell. Cheese and bacon pancakes � or crepes, as they called 'em around here. The thin kind that you rolled up with fillings. And some salad to go with, if only in order to fend off scurvy. I got the ingredients out, found a mixing bowl, and settled down to work.

I was halfway through the third pancake � I'd stuck the others on a plate in the oven to keep hot � when I felt arms sliding around my chest.

"Hello," Heero murmured in my ear, her newly-cut hair tickling my neck almost as much as her breath did.

"Heya." I leaned back into her embrace, feeling the warm softness of her breasts against my back. I could have been wrong, but it didn't feel like she was wearing a bra. I deftly flipped the pancake over, then turned in her arms to steal a kiss.

I'd only intended it to be a momentary contact, but Heero took the decision from me, curling her arms around my neck and dragging my face down to hers when I tried to pull away.

"Mmm," I murmured when she eventually released me, turning regretfully back to the stove. "Dinner'll be a few more minutes. You wanna wash the salad?"

"Fine." Her fingers trailed along my shoulderblades as she wandered past me to the fridge, and I shuddered. Damn, but she was being affectionate tonight!

Eventually my pancakes were done, and I had time while the cheese was melting in the oven to actually get a good look at Heero. She was wearing a loose denim dress with a wide skirt that came to just above her knees, and not a lot else. When she turned to get the tomatoes from the side, the skirt flared and I got a brief flash of sleek thigh that definitely made my pants feel tighter.

Dinner was� interesting. We ate at the dining table, Heero sitting across from me, and about halfway through the meal she started sliding her bare foot up and down my shins, dipping occasionally inside my knees. God, it made me shiver. And the little looks she was giving me, from beneath her lashes� Damn, the girl was a tease. I told her so as we were stacking the plates and pans in the dishwasher, and she laughed at me, trailing one hand very suggestively over my ass before wandering off into the living room, stretching enticingly. It was about that point that I decided the washing-up could go screw itself.

Heero was lounging in her bedroom doorway when I strode into the living room, one hand up on the frame and her eyes lazily half-lidded. She looked like pure sex. I started for her with a growl for the way she'd been teasing me, and she smirked, backing away slowly into the dimly-lit room until her knees hit the side of the bed.

"Duo?" she asked sultrily, her lips quirked with amusement as I paused in the doorway, taking in the sight of her.

In the event, she ended up coming to me and taking my hands, leading me into the room and over to the bed. By that point she had her lips on mine and my tongue in her mouth, and was working on the fastenings of my pants.

"Heero," I moaned in displeasure as she pulled away, discarding my t-shirt by the side of the bed. My eyes lit up, though, as she reached for the line of buttons that ran down the front of her dress. They parted slowly, one by one, and in the dim light I could see something else underneath, something dark and shimmering�

My eyes about fell out of my head when Heero slid the dress off her shoulders, standing before me in nothing but her skin and my Christmas gifts. The deep blue silky stuff suited her as well as I'd thought, enhancing the golden tone of her skin where it shone through the thin fabric. She stood there for a moment, letting me admire her, then crawled onto the bed, straddling me where I lay there in my boxers.

I gasped at the feel of silky fabric and smooth skin settling against me, and couldn't resist a tiny involuntary thrust as her weight settled onto my cock. Shit, she was so hot, so smooth � I could feel that she was getting hard too.

"Heero!" I gasped as she shifted her weight, leaning down to whisper into my ear.

"Last time� let's make it special�" Then her mouth was on mine again and her breasts rubbing against my chest through the filmy silk, and I was lost.

Most of what I remember of that night is a series of almost disjointed impressions. The soft sleekness of Heero's flesh against mine, her hard muscle sheathed away by the hormones. The wet warmth of her mouth on me, and then her hands. Her small breasts in my hands, the nipples stiffening under my thumbs. And her insistent face as she handed me the lube and slipped out of the silk, offering herself to me.

The one thing I don't think I'll ever be able to forget is that first sensation of sliding into her. God, the heat, the tightness � I very nearly came in that first second, and only gritting my teeth and exercising all my self-control saved me from embarrassing myself. As it was, neither of us lasted very long; a few gasping thrusts and we were both spending ourselves in trembling spasms of ecstasy, collapsing into a sticky heap of warmth and sweat.

***

I paced the hospital corridor like a man demented. The nurses had offered me the quiet of the relatives' room, but I couldn't stand to sit still right now. It had been two hours since they had taken Heero into surgery, two hours since I'd kissed her goodnight and watched as she drifted off under the anaesthetic, eyelids fluttering. I still had a good three hours to go until I even got any news, and another couple before I could see her.

Yeah, I was a mass of nerves. Even the orderlies were giving me wary looks by now, and taking alternative routes round the little patch of corridor I had staked out near the entrance to the wards. I was damn glad Une had agreed to let me out early; if I'd had to work in this state I'd probably have shot a half-dozen people by now.

I checked my watch again; the time had advanced by precisely ninety-three seconds. 1522. I'd been too nervous to eat lunch, and my stomach was telling me I was an idiot, but I honestly think if I'd swallowed anything, I'd have choked.

There were brisk, purposeful footsteps behind me as I paced out another five steps from the seating area to the water cooler. I was just about to turn when a very familiar voice spoke from behind me.

"Duo, for goodness' sake sit down. You're terrifying the staff."

"Quatre?" I spun around; it was indeed my blond friend, in plain jeans and a sweater rather than the business suit I'd have expected. "Why are you here?"

Quatre grinned at me. "Trowa called and said I should come keep you company before you killed someone by accident. He'll be along too as soon as his shift's over."

"Oh." It didn't need to be stated that they were also here for Heero, if only to make sure that she still had a functional boyfriend when she came round.

"Come on." Quatre took me by the arm and led me very firmly towards the relatives' room, closing the door behind us to what sounded suspiciously like sighs of relief from the nurses manning the main station. "Heero's going to be fine," he told me soothingly, pushing me down into a chair.

We ended up sitting in that little room for the next two and a half hours. I occasionally got up to pace, unable to sit still any longer, and made circuits of the room until Quatre got irritated enough to yank me back into a seat. He himself seemed perfectly calm, damn him.

I'd graduated from pacing to fiddling with my braid by the time Trowa arrived with Wu Fei and Sally in tow. My partner took one amused look at me and shook his head in exasperation, going to sit by Quatre.

"I take it there hasn't been any news," Sally observed wryly, sinking bonelessly into a chair by the door. Fei frowned down at her, taking over my pacing route as I shook my head. I thought Quatre would choke on stifled laughter.

Just when I thought I was gonna have to murder Wu Fei, the door cracked open and Doctor Anderton came in, her silver-blonde hair hidden beneath a net and a surgical mask dangling around her neck. "Good news," she said quickly as five people suddenly focused on her. "The surgery was a complete success, and Heero's in Recovery now." She smiled at me as I exhaled in relief, flopping into my chair as all the tension drained from me. "You should be able to see her soon," she told me sympathetically. "I'll send one of the nurses as soon as she's awake."

"Thanks," I managed just as she was turning to leave. Quatre patted my arm soothingly again.

"See, Duo, I told you it would be all right."

"Yeah." I exhaled gustily, stretching my arms up over my head and wincing as the joints popped. I wouldn't be completely reassured until Heero was back home with me, but most of the nerves had faded.

Eventually a male nurse popped his head around the door and announced that he'd been sent for Duo Maxwell. As he led me towards the private room Heero had been moved to, I plied him with questions about her state. The guy probably fielded those kinds of inquiries every day, because he was even more calming than Q had been.

"She's doing very well." He stopped before a door, opening it and ushering me inside. "See for yourself."

I barely remembered to thank him; all my attention was on Heero. She was propped up in a hospital bed, a bandage around her throat and the rest of her covered in a sheet and hospital gown. She looked� not at her best. Her eyes were bruised and still a little filmy from the anaesthetic, but as I crossed the tiny room to her bedside she saw me and smiled. One trembling hand reached slowly out from beneath the sheet towards me, an IV needle protruding from the elbow.

"Hey." I took her hand in both of mine, sitting down in the chair that had been provided. "You OK? Just nod," I added hastily as she opened her mouth. "You're not supposed to talk yet, remember?"

Heero rolled her eyes, nodding fractionally at me.

"That's cool. Um, does it hurt? Your neck, I mean." I chafed her hand with my own; she was still chilled from inactivity. Heero tried to shake her head, but broke off with a wince that put the lie to the gesture. Her lips moved, shaped words with no sound behind them.

Lip-read, she told me, and I laughed, remembering the first time I'd seen her in a hospital bed.

"Okay." I grinned at her. "So do you feel different? The doctor said it went really well."

She blinked at that, her gaze turning inward; I thought she must be trying to analyse the differences.

Feels numb, she told me eventually, squeezing my hand a little. But right.

I smiled � for her, for me, for the both of us. For her dream. "No regrets, Heero-chan?"

Her smile was sleepy but brilliantly bright. Not in a million years.

***

It kind of pissed me off to have to go back to the apartment alone that night, but Heero was asleep by the time I left, still dazed by the morphine, and there was no realistic way I could have stayed. So I left her to the hospital staff and retreated to my empty bed, surprising myself by actually falling asleep almost instantly. Prolonged panic could apparently be almost as exhausting as a day of mobile suit battle.

Friday I was at the hospital almost as soon as I'd woken up, only taking the time for a shower and a change of clothes. I stopped off along the way to pick up a little bouquet of pale pink and white flowers, and Heero's expression when she saw me carrying them was priceless.

"Who are you and what did you do with my boyfriend?" she demanded in a hoarse but audible voice, grinning as I presented her with the bunch.

There was a new nurse on duty today, and she'd obviously seen me arriving because she materialised in the room with vase, settling the flowers on the nightstand before starting in on checking Heero's blood pressure and temperature and all the rest. She updated Heero's chart and vanished as circumspectly as she'd come, leaving us alone together.

I couldn't seem to stop smiling. Heero looked a million times better than she had the previous night; her face had its colour back and her eyes were bright, no longer bruised. I remembered the speed at which she'd healed during the war, and decided the doctors were probably in for a surprise.

We just kind of smiled at each other for the longest time, Heero's fingers resting against my palm. They'd taken out the IV, although she wouldn't be on solid foods for a while yet, and while there was a tiny bruise on her arm, otherwise she seemed unmarked.

"So," I ventured after a long, companionable silence, "how does it feel today?"

Heero shrugged her shoulders, still smiling. "It aches a bit." Her voice was definitely rusty, but it was undeniably hers. "Apparently there's a lot of bruising, but it should fade quickly."

"No pain?"

"Not to speak of." She squeezed my hand. "Mostly it just feels strange. Different."

"Good different or bad different?"

"Good different," Heero said firmly. "I suppose I just need to get used to it, is all."

"Mmm." I reached for my bag, opening it and taking out the other items I'd thought to bring. I'd figured Heero'd get bored pretty damn quickly stuck in the hospital for a week, and had decided to Take Steps.

"Here." I handed her a pair of paperbacks I'd grabbed from her 'to read' pile back at the apartment. "I brought you these � and your music player." I knew she'd added her laptop to her hospital bag, but the portable unit was a lot smaller.

Heero grinned at me happily. "Thanks." She tugged on my hand, beckoning me down for a kiss, and I ruffled her hair, looking deep into her eyes before I stood back up.

"Think you'll be okay if I abandon you here for a while?" I adopted a worried expression. "I wouldn't leave you, but if I don't go get some groceries I'm gonna starve�"

Heero laughed outright, swatting at me with her free hand. "Off with you! And get me some chocolate!"

"Yes ma'am!" I mimicked one of those fancy OZ salutes, backing out of the room with a bow and almost knocking over a nurse. It was worth it to see the genuine laughter in Heero-chan's eyes.

***

Heero did indeed confound the doctors with the speed of her recovery. I have it on good authority from Doctor Anderton that all her surface bruising was gone by the Monday after her surgery, and the scars already beginning to knit. They'd let her back onto proper food again, and apparently everything was working normally, although I admit I didn�t really enquire too deeply about that. There are just some things a guy doesn't want to know.

Doctor Anderton was so pleased with Heero's progress that she actually signed her out of the hospital a day early, which was a pain in the ass for me as I'd booked the Thursday off. It was just luck nothing urgent came up that Wednesday, because I'd have had to leave Heero.

The hospital lent us a wheelchair to get her home in, and we were both very grateful for the elevators in our apartment block � and for the wide doorways. Heero wasn't allowed to walk more than a few steps yet, so I carried her into her bedroom and get her into bed, setting up her laptop for her and everything. That ended rather abruptly when she demanded I stop fussing over her and go do something constructive. We ended up sitting together in her room � Heero perched on the inflatable rubber doughnut that was supposed to stop her putting pressure on her stitches � and going over the modifications she'd made to the Preventer server network and the work that still needed to be done.

And so life went on. To be absolutely honest, while I intellectually knew that Heero's body had been drastically changed, the reality of it hadn't really come home to me yet. It would probably be one of those things I'd have to see to believe � I'd gotten too used to the sight of Heero with a dick, and the new geography was still a mystery to me. Sitting in bed and walking around the apartment � she still tired easily, and I had to do most of the things that required moving more than a few steps at a time � she didn't seem any different from before. The only real differences the surgery had made to my life were the wet-wipes and arcane devices in the bathroom.

The guys called round to see us a couple of times that first week � Quatre apparently developed a habit of popping by our apartment in his lunch hour to keep Heero company, and once I had the life startled out of me when I unlocked the door to find Heero and Relena of all people sat on the couch poring over beauty magazines. Apparently she'd been in town for a meeting with some bigwig or other, and had turned up on our doorstep as a surprise visit. Heero had plainly been delighted; Relena left her magazines behind when she said her goodbyes, along with a bunch of flowers and some chocolates that Heero practically inhaled.

Heero seemed happier than I'd ever seen her. She'd lost the bandages around her throat as soon as she'd left the hospital, and the tiny pink scar there was already hardly visible. The difference there was obvious to see; her throat was now a slender column of golden skin from chin to collarbones. I ached with wanting to kiss it.

That was what got to me most. Somehow in the weeks before her surgery, I'd gotten used to being with Heero. To put it crudely, I'd gotten used to getting laid regularly.

That sounds so mercenary. I think what I actually missed most was being able to be close to Heero � to sleep beside her with her head on my shoulder and her hands wrapped around my braid. Lack of sex I could deal with, but I definitely missed the closeness.

Not that Heero wasn't still affectionate. She had a tendency to snuggle up to me on the sofa when we were watching TV, to entwine her fingers with mine. It was just that at nights we were banished to separate beds.

Before I really knew it, Heero was back at work, riding the subway with me in the mornings and evenings, and often turning up in my office at lunch time wearing that knowing little smile. Apparently there was a certain amount of gossip among the agents over why she was in the infirmary so often � Sally had set aside a private room for her to perform the dreaded dilation and cleansing when necessary � but since no one had actually known she'd been transsexual I found the rumours quite amusing. Agent Martins asked me to my face whether Heero was pregnant; I nearly died laughing over that one, and so did Heero when I told her about it.

There was just that little something in her eyes, though, that spoke to me of pain. Yeah, I've never been able to resist Heero Yuy. I pulled her gently into my arms and stroked her hair, letting her cling to me.

"We could adopt, if you wanted," I murmured softly into her ear. She sighed against me, settling into a comfortable snuggle.

"I know, I just wish�"

"I'd actually prefer it that way," I told her uncertainly after a vicious internal battle. "I always hated being the kid no one wanted�"

"I wanted you," she murmured thickly, and we were quiet after that.

Truth to tell, I lost track of time a bit. Une put me and Tro onto a big case, and I ended up spending so much time at the office I almost forgot what home looked like. Add to that the weekend spent on L3 actually making the bust, and it's no wonder I forgot what day it was, let alone what week.

So I was startled as all hell to get home from work to find Heero sprawled half-naked on my bed, wearing the most provocative expression I�ve ever seen in my life.

I think I squeaked; I know I stared. Hell, who wouldn't have? She was lounging there on one hip and elbow, wearing that camisole set I'd given her and sipping from a glass of red wine. My brain temporarily disengaged and all I could do was gape like a fish.

"Heero?" I finally managed to whisper hoarsely, still not quite believing this. I didn't have to ask what she wanted; it was written in every elegant golden line and curve of her � most especially the sultry smirk on her lips. I marshalled my wits and reckoned up the time in my head, startled to realise that the six-week mark had passed almost ten days ago.

"Heero, are you sure?" I crossed hesitantly to the bed, kneeling and resting my arms on its edge. Heero set her now-empty glass down on the night table and rolled over to face me, kicking her legs up behind her. "I know you've been busy, but I've waited long enough," she whispered, taking my face in her hands and attaching her lips to mine.

The kiss started out teasing but quickly became passionate, her mouth opening to my tongue as she pulled me up onto the bed to join her. She tasted of wine and chocolate and Heero, and I shuddered as her hands slid down my chest, untucking my shirt from my waistband and sliding beneath.

I whispered her name into the kiss, resisting as she tried to pull me atop her. "I don't want to hurt you," I gasped as she released my, her fingers nimbly unbuttoning my collar and removing my tie.

"You won't." She sounded very sure of that, and I succumbed to her insistent kisses again, exploring her mouth as though it were the first time between us. My hands seemed to move of their own accord, sliding down her back and caressing her hips, cupping her ass and tugging her close to me. She laughed breathily in my ear, attacking my neck with sharp-toothed kisses that sent fire through me.

By now she had the shirt stripped from my back and was working on the pants, taking every opportunity to grope me through the admittedly somewhat tented fabric. I could barely breathe for the feel of her against me � the same, yet so different with the lack of answering bulge between her legs. Instead she parted her thighs slightly, straddling my knee and rubbing herself against me as she bit down on my earlobe.

My hands went to her camisole, peeling the thin material from her torso and almost moaning as her breasts were revealed, the nipples dark and stiff with arousal. I cupped them in my hands, squeezing gently and flicking with my thumbs. Heero threw her head back on a gasp, grinding against me as I lifted my head, swirling my tongue around an areola before taking the nipple into my mouth and sucking hard. That made her writhe, her hips twisting beneath my steadying hands, and she shifted herself to sit atop me, pressing herself down onto my cock. I think I almost died; she was damp even through three layers of cloth, and undisputedly feminine.

That was it for me; I thrust upwards, inverting us so that she lay spread out beneath me, laughing fire in her blue eyes as she stared up at me. I couldn't breathe; I yanked myself out of my pants and boxers as fast as I could, tossing them carelessly aside, and then nearly exploded again as one of her hands closed firmly around my cock.

She stroked me a few times, deliberately rubbing her thumb hard across the head, knowing it scrambled my brains. Her other hand was busy tugging down the loose panties she wore, her hips wriggling as she shimmied out of them.

I flat-out stared. She was all softly furred mounds and pink slickness, and even with the fading scars there I had never seen anything so beautiful. I looked up at her face, and something of my apprehension must have shown in my expression, because she smiled reassuringly at me, drawing one leg up invitingly.

Hesitantly, I reached out to touch. She moaned as I stroked her new skin wonderingly, and gasped breathily as my fingers slipped within her folds. God, she was wet, slick and slippery as I explored her rearranged anatomy, and her hips moved spasmodically as if urging me on. I could tell instantly when I found her clitoris; the small bud was stiff and engorged beneath my hand, and Heero all but leapt out of her skin as my fingers swept across it.

"There!" she panted, reaching down to pull my fingers back, helping me stroke her. "Oh, God, Duo!" she moaned, writhing, and I smiled up at her wide eyes for a moment before lowering my head and stretching out my tongue to lick.

The taste of her was indescribable. Sweeter, somehow, than she'd been as a male, but still so much her that it was unmistakable. I lapped at her, drawing circles about her clit with my tongue until she gasped and shuddered beneath me, trembling spasmodically in the throes of orgasm.

I smiled, raising my head and deliberately licking my lips. Not that she saw it; her eyes were closed, her head thrown back in bliss as she panted with the aftershocks. My fingers slid down to the opening to her body, and this time I was the one to gasp as I encountered the fierce, slick heat of her.

"Duo?" She was lifting herself up, kneeling beside me and pushing me over onto my back. For an instant I was disappointed, but then she parted her legs, straddling me again as she grasped my aching erection and slowly lowered herself down onto me.

Rational thought deserted me. There was nothing but the feel of her surrounding me, the warmth and wetness and tightness, her shivers as she began moving, impaling herself on me, rising and sinking back, every motion lifting me to new heights of pleasure. There was just Heero, around me, taking me, part of me, and I was part of her. I gave myself up to her, letting her set the rhythm, letting her ride me, rock me into ecstasy. I threw back my head and squeezed my eyes shut, clutching desperately at her hips as she quickened her pace, moaning now as she forced herself down onto me, the smooth walls of her tight and wet around me, and I clutched her even closer, taking hold of her and snapping my hips upward desperately as I came, spilling myself into her with a force that left me limp and gasping. She shuddered around me, trembling, and I felt the spasms in her own body, the tension seeping out of her as shivers raced through her and she collapsed atop me as if her strings had been cut.

***

It was a long time before either of us stirred. Eventually, though, Heero pushed herself upright, sliding to one side and pillowing her head against my shoulder.

"Well," she murmured into my ear, her breath stirring my sweaty hair gently.

"Yeah," I agreed lazily, still somewhat overwhelmed. It had been so much more than I had ever thought, ever dreamed.

A though occurred to me after a while. "Is it different?"

"Is what different?" Heero stirred sluggishly against me, wriggling into what I assumed was a more comfortable position, her arm across my chest possessively.

"You know. The female orgasm." I waved a suddenly-heavy hand vaguely in the air.

"Oh, that." I could feel Heero smiling against my skin; it as a comfortable feeling. "Yes � it's less, less� I don't know." Her brow scrunched up in thought. "Violent, maybe. Less explosive, I suppose. The pleasure isn't all at once any more, it's there all along. It's more like a release than anything."

"Ah." I sighed in contentment, already feeling myself sliding toward sleep despite the fact that I hadn't had dinner or a shower. I simply couldn't bring myself to care; I had Heero beside me again, back where she belonged. Back where I belonged. "Do you like it?"

Heero laughed almost inaudibly, planting a sleepy kiss against my skin. "Oh, yes."

"'S good," I managed drowsily, snuggling against the sweet warmth of her. After all, what else was there to say? Heero had what she'd always wanted, and so did I. End of story.